Don't want to invite these people!!!

ap517

Initially I wasn't planning on inviting people from high school, but I did invite one friend from high school who apparently has a big mouth and blabbed to the other two friends that he received a save the date and they didn't.  I told this "friend" that I wasn't inviting lots of people from high school and that this friend was the only friend I still talk to from high school.  So then I felt bad for not inviting the other two friends as I think they were expecting an invitation so I ended up asking for their addresses.  I really don't want to invite any of them as they are not real friends, we have a small guest list, and they always think they are better than me anyways and talk crap about me behind my back but I must invite the one I sent a STD to but what about these other two?  I'm sure they are expecting an invite now as I just asked for their address, but really don't want to.  But now if I don't invite them they will think I'm a bitch and "weird" for not inviting them.  Ugh, what to do??  If I don't send them an invite, it would be rude of them to inquire why anyways, but I could always say I needed their address to send an announcement after the event?

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-invite-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:116318bc-831b-4428-8b9d-874575ac06d4Post:95992dec-58dd-4dd4-ab0a-a55909eb67a8">Don't want to invite these people!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Initially I wasn't planning on inviting people from high school, but I did invite one friend from high school who apparently has a big mouth and blabbed to the other two friends that he received a save the date and they didn't.  I told this "friend" that I wasn't inviting lots of people from high school and that this friend was the only friend I still talk to from high school.  So then I felt bad for not inviting the other two friends as I think they were expecting an invitation so I ended up asking for their addresses.  I really don't want to invite any of them as they are not real friends, we have a small guest list, and they always think they are better than me anyways and talk crap about me behind my back but I must invite the one I sent a STD to but what about these other two?  I'm sure they are expecting an invite now as I just asked for their address, but really don't want to.  But now if I don't invite them they will think I'm a bitch and "weird" for not inviting them.  Ugh, what to do??  If I don't send them an invite, it would be rude of them to inquire why anyways, but I could always say I needed their address to send an announcement after the event?
Posted by ap517[/QUOTE]
Well, you should not have asked for their address' that definitely gives the impression that you intend to invite. I think since you did that you need to send them STD'd and invites.

ThePinkSuperhero

I think you should just bite the bullet and invite them.  Maybe they won't come.

whitneykaye87

Yeah that stinks, but I admit I would be expecting an invite if you asked for my address.  If you're really not friends with them and don't care to be, don't worry about sending an invitation.  When/if you meet up with them and they ask about it, you can mention how tiny your space/budget/whatever is and that you hope they understand.

Otherwise, suck it up and send them an invitation.  Chances are, they won't come if you guys are not really friends.  I decline pretty much all wedding invitations from high school friends that I no longer speak to.

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-invite-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:116318bc-831b-4428-8b9d-874575ac06d4Post:c557bc11-1f0d-4f49-b04a-332bee54614f">Re: Don't want to invite these people!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah that stinks, but I admit I would be expecting an invite if you asked for my address.  <strong>If you're really not friends with them and don't care to be, don't worry about sending an invitation.</strong>  When/if you meet up with them and they ask about it, you can mention how tiny your space/budget/whatever is and that you hope they understand. Otherwise, suck it up and send them an invitation.  Chances are, they won't come if you guys are not really friends.  I decline pretty much all wedding invitations from high school friends that I no longer speak to.
Posted by whitneykaye87[/QUOTE]
Exactly.  I personally wouldn't invite people I don't care about.  At almost $100 a pop, they would just have to get over it.  Use this as a learning experience.  Only invite who you want to invite when it comes to "friends".  Family members are a bit trickier.  

mwhitson14

I mean, grow a spine please and don't invite people that you don't even like and are rude to you. You shouldn't have asked for their address in the first place.

duckie1905

If you don't want to invite them then don't.  You shouldn't have asked for their addresses if you weren't planning on inviting them so I can't really blame them for being curious about where their STD is.

anne.azano

It was a mistake to ask for their addresses, but you know that and you can't take it back.  If you don't like them, don't invite them.  Don't expect them to be happy about it though and I wouldn't expect to maintain any friendship (but it doesn't sound like you're friends now, so who cares?).  If they bring it up, you can acknowledge that you asked for their address because you really wanted to invite them, but you're having a small wedding due to venue/finance/whatever and you had to make some tough decisions regarding guests.

ap517

Thanks for everyone's comments.  I definitely put my foot in my mouth with this one...Acually I went to one of these other friends weddings a year ago where I told both of the 2 "friends" that it would be a "small" wedding (well, 150 guests but we both have big families who all live within an hour) and we're only inviting close friends and family, which we are.  Both of them live 3000 miles away and a year ago one told me she absolutely couldn't attend as she is in residency, and the other one said she might be able to come, so I'm just hoping that they cannot come at all.  Another mutual friend is getting married 2 months after me and I know they are going to that wedding plus our high school reunion is 1 month after my wedding so I presume they can't afford 3 trips cross country....I might also send their invite "late" like 6 weeks to the wedding. 

lalap69

You're a bit of a doormat, aren't you?

Either invite them or don't, but don't try to make some kind of passive-aggressive move hoping that it will mean they can't make it.