Invite dilemma

slha8a

I am getting married in November and we just recently sent out our invitations. We are under a strick budget and therefore can not afford to have more than 100 people at our wedding. Because of this we could not allow anyone who is not married, engaged, or in a long term relationship bring a guest. We also decided that we did not want any children at our wedding except the ones in the wedding. My problem is that I have received several RSVPs with people saying they are bring a guest or their children when we did not alot for this. How can I politely tell them that they can't bring a guest or their children to our wedding?

number55

Call them and tell them that there isn't room. Do it politely. It'll be fine. 

banana468

I disagree with PP.  Don't say there isn't room because then they'll say, "Call us if there's room!"

Just call them and say, "We apologize for the misunderstanding but the invitation was just for X.  We hope we can put you down as attending!"

And then just let it go.  The only thing I'll caution is to make sure that you aren't excluding someone who is suddenly in a serious relationship that you don't know about.

brookelynpaisley

What's a strick budget?

Number55 is wrong. You cannot split up established couples. It's rude. Cut out favors and extras and properly accomodate your guests.

EDIT:
Shoot, I read it wrong. I thought you said you weren't allowing people to bring guests even if married, engaged, etc.

Call them and tell them you're sorry but you can't accomodate their guest/children, and hope they can still attend. Leave it at that.

number55

yeah, I didn't say that you should split people up...don't do that. Just tell them that based on space/budget (by room I meant budgetary room) you invited them, not them plus whatever...pretty much what banana said except she said it better.

marisah83

I agree.  Just call and explain that the invitation was just for those to whom it was addressed.  This happens a lot, so while a few may not like it, I think most will understand.

loop0406

I think you should be prepared for them to not show, sometimes guests will get mad if they cant take their children or date so when you do call them, tell them you're sorry but can't accomodate more than those listed on invites and if they will still be able to attend.  That way you will have an exact head count

[Deleted User]

I agree with banana and loop. While it is their fault for assuming they could bring kids or whatever, you should be prepared for the possibility of them not showing at all. But definitely do the right thing and call them to let them know that there are no kids and no plus one's.

slha8a

Thanks for the advice. By strict budget I mean we got a package deal on the reception place which included the food, open bar, and other things for 5 hours. The one stipulation with the good deal was that we have 100 people or less. Any one over 100 is $30 per person hence REALLY needing to stay under that 100 mark. I am trying not to get upset but I received more RSVPs today with even more people saying they are bringing a guest when only their name was on the invite. I am trying to be understanding that some people may not have even planned a wedding  before and may not know proper etiquette but it's hard when I know we can't afford to pay for more people than we're allotted.

HisCB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:117ff531-5236-405a-897c-44d9f740ddb9Post:1fb96b36-e836-47a1-b06c-dfe6b8c79e0d">Re: Invite dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]  some people may not have even planned a wedding  before and may not know proper etiquette 
Posted by slha8a[/QUOTE]
this exactly, i wish more people would realize this.

i would call and say,"i am so sorry for the confusion on the invitation, but our guest list is very strict due to venue limitations (they dont need to know that the limit is on the orginial contract that has some growth room). its just not an option for us to add to the guest list. i hope you can still come without so and so?" then say nothing, they will (or should) feel bad for putting you in an awkward position, and appologize and still accept the invitation alone.

good luck, and just think, now that youve planned a wedding, you will know how to follow ettiquite next time you are invited, and send prompt rsvp with only those invited.