Wedding Etiquette Forum

Friend Invitation Drama - HELP!!

My FI and I decided that we wanted a family and very close friends only wedding to cut costs. All of my friends have been totally understanding so far except one. She freaked out that she wasn't invited - I played the music for her wedding. I explained to her that we don't have a lot of money and our parents aren't contributing to the wedding because they don't have a lot of money either. I also told her that it was a family wedding and the only two friends I'm inviting are like family to me - they come to my house for holidays.

This friend wanted to sit me down and lecture me on how to have a wedding on a budget (because then she could be invited). I thanked her, but told her that I didn't want to discuss the wedding. She only relented about being invited when I said that we'd have a pot luck picnic in the summer to celebrate with our group of friends. Phew, crisis averted; stress gone!

This weekend, my mother and I were out together and we saw my friend. She told my mom that if there was any planning help to ask her because she knows all about budgeting for a wedding. As she was walking away she said, "I'll probably wear my wedding dress to your wedding!" and giggled. My mother and I turned to each other and exchanged a look of bewildered horror.

What? and WHAT?? She must have either forgotten or has chosen to forget that she ISN'T INVITED!! We are at a loss on what to do.
Invitations are going out this week. Should I:

1.) Just invite her and her husband to stop the drama/stress?
2.) Stick to my guns and not invite them?

If I choose #1 I'll feel sad for not inviting my other friends to whom I feel much closer.

If I choose #2 I am scared that it will set off a nuclear bomb. I have been on her wrong side before and it was one of the more stressful times in my life. She really knows how to make a person feel uncomfortable/hated.

I'm not even touching the fact that she plans to wear her wedding dress to my wedding right now.

Re: Friend Invitation Drama - HELP!!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-invitation-drama-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:119965c2-c587-4059-aef7-98299e0437e5Post:1c07726e-0d3a-4fb9-8a59-905917c9559d">Friend Invitation Drama - HELP!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI and I decided that we wanted a family and very close friends only wedding to cut costs. All of my friends have been totally understanding so far except one. She freaked out that she wasn't invited - I played the music for her wedding. I explained to her that we don't have a lot of money and our parents aren't contributing to the wedding because they don't have a lot of money either. I also told her that it was a family wedding and the only two friends I'm inviting are like family to me - they come to my house for holidays. This friend wanted to sit me down and lecture me on how to have a wedding on a budget (because then she could be invited). I thanked her, but told her that I didn't want to discuss the wedding. She only relented about being invited when I said that we'd have a pot luck picnic in the summer to celebrate with our group of friends. Phew, crisis averted; stress gone! This weekend, my mother and I were out together and we saw my friend. She told my mom that if there was any planning help to ask her because she knows all about budgeting for a wedding. As she was walking away she said, "I'll probably wear my wedding dress to your wedding!" and giggled. My mother and I turned to each other and exchanged a look of bewildered horror. What? and WHAT?? She must have either forgotten or has chosen to forget that she ISN'T INVITED!! We are at a loss on what to do. Invitations are going out this week. Should I: 1.) Just invite her and her husband to stop the drama/stress? 2.) Stick to my guns and not invite them? If I choose #1 I'll feel sad for not inviting my other friends to whom I feel much closer. If I choose #2 I am scared that it will set off a nuclear bomb. I have been on her wrong side before and it was one of the more stressful times in my life. She really knows how to make a person feel uncomfortable/hated. I'm not even touching the fact that she plans to wear her wedding dress to my wedding right now.
    Posted by redridinghood16[/QUOTE]

    I wouldn't invite her. I'm sure she has good qualities, but she doesn't sound like a very good friend. Also, I'm guessing the crack about wearing her wedding dress was just a snark at you for not inviting her. Actually the whole convo was probably a snark. I'm sorry that she stresses you out. You aren't in the wrong here and you don't need to feel bad.
  • I would not invite her.  If she makes your life miserable over it, perhaps she's not a very good friend to begin with; I would probably consider whether I really wanted her in my life at all, much less at my wedding.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker image
  • Do not invite her.  Inviting her will most likely cause more drama not less.  Should not let anyone force you to do anything.  Honestly this girl sounds a bit cray-cray and I would not be questioning inviting her but questioning if I wanted her to be in my life from this moment forward.

  • Don't encourage her/invite her.  You made your decision early on and sat her down and told her like a grown-up.  She's acting like a child.

    Also - make sure she doesn't find out when/where your wedding will take place.  You don't want her to just show up and continue with her child-like antics.
  • Don't invite her.  She's jerking you around and hoping to take advantage of doormat-like behavior or other softheartedness on your part to run the show.
  • Seriously, back away from this 'friend' and run like hell.  This is how all Lifetime movies start.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Don't invite her. You're under no obligation to invite her, and she is being rude and pushy. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • She sounds like a very toxic person. This might be a good time to let the friendship naturally dissolve away.
  • Just don't invite her. This is not a difficult decision AT ALL. She sounds like a crazy person. 
  • Thanks to everyone for their responses. I'd definitely cut her out of my life if I could - I have limited our time together as best I can. Unfortunately, we work with the same company so I see her frequently.

    She will not be invited.
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