Wedding Etiquette Forum

XP: It's been cancelled.

I emailed all the vendors.  It has been cancelled.  I know we had a few more days to decide but I couldn't stand just waiting.  I just want to move on. 

If you don't remember, my dad has 3-5 months to live and the wedding is in 4 months.  I just flew back yesterday from visiting him and he's clearly declining since my visit 2 months ago. 

I am formulating an email to all my guests now.  Is it OK to email?  Everyone was asked to hold off on travel plans via email about 4 weeks ago.  It's about 25 households we have to notify.  We don't know if we'll do a celebration party down the road or not, so I wouldn't call it a postponement.

Would it be weird to later decide we are doing a celebration party, like MONTHS  down the road, after we've done this official cancellation?

I am mourning the Jackson Hole wedding that never was, but I am very relieved of all the little details I don't have to worry about anymore!  We're thinking of a kicka$$ elopement/honeymoon in the Canadian Rockies.  We want to do one of those hut to hut gourmet food hiking trips over glaciers where you can only get to them by helicopter.  I'm hauling my dress in, even if we do a heli wedding.  We're going to make it super special and splurge on oursevles.  I can move on now.

Of course no idea when this will happen but something to distract me in the meantime.  Now we have more money to fly home more often.

Re: XP: It's been cancelled.

  • I would call everyone.  Sometimes e-mails get lost.
  • I'm confused are you married? It seems like you may have a unique situation. Have most your guests made plans alread?
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  • I think Courtney may have a point about calling everyone.  If you and FI split it up and maybe even get a couple of calls handled by siblings or parents it wouldn't take long at all.

    Under the circumstances I think you guys could mention that you may plan a big party down the line but at this time you just aren't sure.  Everyone should understand.

    Your new wedding plan sounds quite exciting and memorable!  I'm glad you have found a way to move forward with everything.

    I understand the frequent trips home too.  When my Dad was dying back in late 07- early 08 I was going home every 7-10 days.  I only live 300 miles away so I would take off every Friday night and get home every Sunday night, back to work on Monday morning.  I don't regret a minute of it though.  I had a plan of how I felt I needed to approach each trip "just in case" he passed before I got home the next weekend.  It worked well for me and I had no regrets when that happened.

    I"m sorry for the journey you are on but I do wish you well on your new plans.
  • I'd call.  If your FI helps, that's only 12-13 households each. 

    I think after all this stuff is over, a kick ass one year anniversary might be in order.  But for now, get through all the flights home, etc. before deciding what you feel like doing.

    And I'm jealous of your HM plans.  :)
  • I'm so sorry about your dad.

    Calling seems like the best idea.
  • I agree with Mica.  I'd call and get your fiance to help.

    I think having a celebration party down the road is an awesome idea and not weird at all. 

    I'm so sorry about your father.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-its-been-cancelled?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:11a27a8b-eaa3-4902-99f1-2b41c0381083Post:63d61cc2-4eb4-45c3-8a95-810bfbbd4509">Re: XP: It's been cancelled.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd probably call. I once showed up for a wedding that had been cancelled because the e-mail went to my spam filter.<strong>  Another option would be to e-mail and then call to make sure people get it. If someone responds to your e-mail, you know  you can save yourself a call. </strong>So sorry you're going through this, but I'm glad you've been able to come to a decision that gives you some peace of mind!
    Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]

    I think this is a good idea. I know it would be hard for me to make 25 phone calls explaining the situation to everyone. The less phone calls you need to make, the better, IMO.

    I'm so sorry about your situation & everything you're going through. ((hugs))
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  • I know this had  to be hard for you to do but apparently something has come up with your dad.  Now is the time to concentrate on him during this time.

    Yes, split up the calling between you and your FI.  It makes it more personal and I'm sure without a doubt people will understand.
  • Ginadog, I am sorry, but glad for you that you have reached a resolution that you can live with.  Dad are certainly special people and I am glad you will be making more trips home to see him.

    Take care
  • Gina,  I'm sorry that your wedding isn't going to take place as you had planned it, but I know that simply making a decision has been haunting you for a while, and it sounds like you have found a great deal of peace now that the decision has been made.   Hopefully the weight has lifted off your shoulders.  I know it still sucks, but I think it was the right decision (not that there was necessarily a wrong one, but you know....)

    Thinking of you....
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  • Gina I'm sorry about your Dad, but think you made a good decsion based on the circumstances.

    I think if you did a 1 year anniversary celebration that would be fine. Split up the phone calls and let everyone know. I am glad you are going back to see your Dad though. I cannot imagine what you are going through. *hugs*
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  • Gina, T&P with you.  I know this decision was so hard to come to, but it sounds like it's a relief to have finally decided. 

    I think under your circumstances, it wouldn't be weird to decide later to have a celebration party- maybe a one year anniversary party?
  • Very sorry about your Dad. 
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  • If there ever was a perfect timing for cancelling a wedding this would be it.  No one has purchasd plane tickets.  Those that did make accomodation reservations can get reimbursed.  We can get our money back for the venue/caterer (they had a 120 day deadline).  The officiant didn't require prepayment.  My photographer can be cancelled 2 months prior.

    We did buy 6 cabins in Grand Teton National Park up front, so we may hold on to those for a vacation in July.  It's the same penalty if we cancel now or June 12.  Some friends may still fly out for a Teton vacation.  Pending the timing of everything of course.

    I'm OK with it.  I'm glad I won't have to stress about paying for a wedding event and flying home and worrying about the timing.  It is a relief.  I don't have to worry about $$ for flowers that only get used 5 hours!

    I'm a little sad about giving up a wedding event yet again (I eloped for my first marriage 10 years ago, but it was uneventful), but I know that FI and I can make our private wedding special and we have the funds to go a little fancier than normal on ourselves rather than trying to hard to please out of town guests.

    Thank you for the T&P.
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