Wedding Etiquette Forum

Parents helping pay question - (sorry, longish)

Hi ladies,

I was wondering how you would feel about the following situation.  FI and I got engaged in February, and within a few weeks my father called and told me that he wanted to give us $2000 toward our wedding.  No problem there, I was very happy that he offered!  My parents are divorced and at this time my mother is unable to pay for any part of the wedding.  No problem there either. 

We were at FI's parents in late April and they told us that they would like to pay for our candy buffet and FI's suit.  I am pretty sure they are paying for the RD as well, but NBD either way. 

The problem is this.  This past weekend, FI was at his parents' house and obviously the topic of the wedding came up.  When he came home he tells me that now his parents have offered to pay for the church as well. 

A bit of backstory - FI's mother is a bit of a control freak, kind of treats FI like a child and he lets her because he "doesn't know what else to do".  Since the week we got engaged she started with the questions.  From who was in our WP to what we are doing about colors, tablecloths, dishes, etc. (ours is an 18 month engagement BTW) and told me that she bought a bunch of centerpieces for us.  FI and I hadn't even discussed what we wanted to do in these aspects yet and I have since not spoken about the wedding with his parents unless they brought it up.  I'm afraid to get off on a bad foot with them, but I am seriously worried about FMIL's controlling ways, wedding related and especially otherwise.

So I've been thinking about this sudden extra money they have offered, and I asked FI if he told his parents how much my parents gave us.  He did.  They asked.  I think it was totally inappropriate of them to ask and him to answer.  What do you think?  I am concerned about this because I am afraid that the extra money was offered (at least in part) to make them look good.  I do not have a problem with them offering to pay as much as my parents, more than my parents, or nothing at all.  What I have a problem with is them asking about my parents' financial contribution and then subsequently upping theirs. 

I am reeally sorry this was so long!  Just a little worked up!

TIA :)

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