Guest Count

RachA03

Hey Ladies -

I'm on the verge of going crazy over this guest list.

THREE people (my side fo the friends) have asked me if they can bring a plus one when I already told them they can't or it was clearly stated on their invitations. So now I'm reconsidering.

OUR LOGIC - Our main rule was to only give a guest a +1 if they were in a serious relationship and if we knew the person. Now I'm rethinking it as I've been asked and hassled about the fact that "technically in terms of eitquette - everyone should get a +1". But I thought that to cut guest count was to eliminate +1 where ever possible...am I wrong? What should I do?!? If I give the people their +1's then I cannot invite my B list. But then again, I can live without inviting my B list becaue only 1 out of the 11 actually contacts me to say hi or what not. The others...have not heard from....and I have not made efforts on my end either. But they were once good friends.......

I know this seems to be something that is a preference for me and the FI but he's putting the decision on me....but I just don't know what to do!??

MattsPenguin

Oh goodness . . . first of all.  There should not be a B list.  People either are invited or they are not. 

Regarding the +1's, I don't think that you drawing a line at serious relationships was necessarily improper etiquette. 

Do these people want to bring a boyfriend that you didn't know about? Then by all means, say yes.   

Will they know other people there? Are they traveling by themselves?  If they will know other people, maybe say no.  If they are traveling by themselves, it is polite to allow them to bring a guest.

btrflykate1230

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-count?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11ed745e-13e0-46b2-8dcd-ba4d84a78d01Post:ccad65ae-0b25-4943-923e-b543c2340d84">Guest Count</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey Ladies - I'm on the verge of going crazy over this guest list. THREE people (my side fo the friends) have asked me if they can bring a plus one when I already told them they can't or it was clearly stated on their invitations. So now I'm reconsidering. OUR LOGIC - Our main rule was to only give a guest a +1 if they were in a serious relationship and if we knew the person. Now I'm rethinking it as I've been asked and hassled about the fact that "technically in terms of eitquette - everyone should get a +1". <strong>But I thought that to cut guest count was to eliminate +1 where ever possible...am I wrong? </strong>What should I do?!? <strong>If I give the people their +1's then I cannot invite my B list. </strong>But then again, I can live without inviting my B list becaue only 1 out of the 11 actually contacts me to say hi or what not. The others...have not heard from....and I have not made efforts on my end either. But they were once good friends....... I know this seems to be something that is a preference for me and the FI but he's putting the decision on me....but I just don't know what to do!??
Posted by RachA03[/QUOTE]

B lists are not cool. Get rid of your B list.

You cut the guest list by cutting out guests. However, everyone in a relationship gets a plus one, regardless of whether or not you know their FI/SO/DH. Couples cannot be broken up.

If these three friends are in a relationship, they should get plus ones. It would also be nice to invite them with a guest if they don't know anyone else besides you.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-count?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11ed745e-13e0-46b2-8dcd-ba4d84a78d01Post:ccad65ae-0b25-4943-923e-b543c2340d84">Guest Count</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey Ladies - I'm on the verge of going crazy over this guest list. THREE people (my side fo the friends) have asked me if they can bring a plus one when I already told them they can't or it was clearly stated on their invitations. So now I'm reconsidering. OUR LOGIC - Our main rule was to only give a guest a +1 if they were in a serious relationship and if we knew the person. Now I'm rethinking it as I've been asked and hassled about the fact that "technically in terms of eitquette - everyone should get a +1". But I thought that to cut guest count was to eliminate +1 where ever possible...am I wrong? What should I do?!? <strong>If I give the people their +1's then I cannot invite my B list. But then again, I can live without inviting my B list becaue only 1 out of the 11 actually contacts me to say hi or what not.</strong> The others...have not heard from....and I have not made efforts on my end either. But they were once good friends....... I know this seems to be something that is a preference for me and the FI but he's putting the decision on me....but I just don't know what to do!??
Posted by RachA03[/QUOTE]
If you can live without inviting the B list, then why have a B list at all? Give your A listers their plus ones and forget the B list. B lists suck.

PharmacyBride

I personally think plus ones are great for all guests at a wedding.  We have a bunch of guy friends that prefer to all come stag and hang out with each other.. but it is such a nice gesture to offer your guests.

If it were me.. I would give everyone a plus one and cut people I can't fit.  You have to decide what you prefer.

cat1121

If you have venue and budget constraints, i can totally understand the plus one. I'm not sure I want a bunch of randoms at my wedding.

I think it depends. Will these people know other people at the wedding? If they will, then it's not required. If they won't know anyone, then it's a nice gesture.

If they are in serious relationship (or even exclusive) then let them bring some one.

Random hookups not withstanding.

Beachy730

If you have already told them they weren't allowed a +1 and made it clear on the invite, and they are still asking, then I would definitely consider doing it.  Yes I think tis rude that they are still asking, but there probably is a reason.  Maybe they started dating someone.  Maybe they have someone they would really like to bring.  Maybe they aren't comfortable being along at an event about love like a wedding, even if it isn't an actual date they are bringing.  Whatever their reason, they clearly must have one if they keep asking you.  So IMO I think you should give them the +1, since these are people who you are close with and mean a lot to you if  you invited them.  I would rather have my good friends happy at my wedding then invite someone I don't talk to anymore on a B list.  I agree with the PP who said that its nice to give all guests a +1 regardless of their relationship status as long as its in the budget. 

And yeah, I think B lists suck.

RachA03

Oiy thanks so much guys. That helped me a lot. 

But here's to answer your questions:

First -  its a different situation for all 3 girls. one of them is driving from far, but its about an hour of a drive. She's not serious with anyone but feels a lone. 

The second girl, she kept telling me that she's not serious with this one guy but they still "hang out". Then she would not put importance on him every time I asked..she just says they care about each other a lot and she's not sure if she sees herself with him in the future...I guess depending on his progress with school and work.  So what was I supposed to think?? 

The 3rd girl, she broke up with her bf due to religious constraints but apparently NOW they're seeing each other again bc they know they love each other yet still are unsure if their future is will work out as they would want it. 

2nd and 3rd girl both live within 30 minutes or less of my wedding venue. 

And all 3 of these people will know people at the wedding. 

The one guest I knew that wouldn't know anyone, I already gave her a +1. 

So yes to the +1 for people that are sort of in a relationship? Btw - the second 2 are my bridesmaids!!!! So was that rude of me not giving them a plus one when it was clear to me (when invites went out) that they were both NOT with their respective bfs?! Or was this something they had every right to ask me? I don't know. 

And how about the single people? Should I still let it be an option for them, but can we tell them it can't be anyone random? We're spending WAY over budget to accommodate and we're even risking just using a friend and a random MC for the wedding just to feed the extra plus ones. 

=(

RachA03

I do agree now (in hindsight) that B LISTS SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so stressed. SOOO SOOO STRESSED. 

Beachy730

Some people feel that members of the WP should always be given a +1 regardless, but its definitely personaly preference.  We just gave every single person a +1. 

To me it sounds like all 3 of these girls should be given a guest.  The first one coming from out of town definitely for that reason alone.  You want her to have someone to drive with, sit with, and talk with. 

The one who is kinda dating a guy - I have a cousin who was "kinda dating" a guy for a full year before they finally said they were a couple, and have been together for 5 years now.  Some people just are slow to label things, but obviously this guy is important to her, and you should consider it as a long-term boyfriend.

The 3rd one is rekindling a great love that she had, and what better way to help bring that loving feeling back than a wedding!  Again, I'd give it to her. 

No, you don't need to now extend the +1 to everyone unless you want to.  And if you do decide to do that, you can't dictate who they bring.  EIther offer them the option and accept whoever they bring, or just forget about it altogether.  I'm sure if they were dating someone now they would have let you know somehow. 

RachA03

Okay. Thanks for helping me out guys....!

I swear my stomach has been in knots for months now because of this.  People kept telling us "no, you dont HAVE to give everyone a plus 1" and at first it made sense until the girls starting asking me and I just felt like such a horrible person.

Thanks again!!!

TTiger03

Ok.  You already sent your invites, so for heavens sake don't go calling every single and ask them if they want a +1 now.  You don't HAVE to give +1s, but it's clear these three would be good canidates for them.  You didn't do anything wrong with your invitiations and really it's up to you in the end, but seeing as two of your bridesmaids would be unhappy without their guests, if you have the space and want to, you should allow these three girls their +1.
Normally I wouldn't go along with letting your guests push you around as I think they are being rude in changing/ begging to change their invitations , but it seems like your mind would be put as ease if you say yes. -- Just don't announce or let them announce these additions.

RachA03

OH no I didn't! Hahha but you are right and I did feel like i was being pushed over by my own friends and it is MY wedding! BUT to be fair to them, I have talked with them already (before the post) and expressed to them that budget was an issue and honestly, I didn't know that they considered these guys to be "boyfriends" still....but apparently they do. They were COMPLETELY understanding and said not to make a big deal about it and that only if budget allowed for it closer to the date, if I could "consider" it. But after consulting my wedding planner and other people...I've realized bottom line it's up to me and my FI, but also if it makes sense for them to have a +1 then we should consider it.  I do want my guests to feel happy and have a good time and not have to think about "oh i have to meet so and so here afterwards".  

Lastly, we do not have a lot of "single" people coming. So we're making the exceptions where we see fit. 

Thanks so much for all your help. I know...my weakness is to please people. I need lessons on how to stand my ground.  

Thanks again!!