Did this happen to anyone? is anyone scared it will?

xoxBridexox

I am a little nervous that my 20 year old cousin will bring her flavor of the week to our wedding  and her sister will bring her kids. My cousin and her sister are invited - the random guy and kids are not. They are so clueless there is a chance they will bring the them anyways, even if the invite is addressed to only them. 

How should I handle this situation? have any of you faced anything similar??

(I would rather not invite either of them. but sadly this would create WW3 in my family.)

brookelynpaisley

If you really don't want them there, be prepared to ask them to leave if they show up. If you address the invitation to one the cousins and they bring the uninviteds, they're in the wrong. But it'll be up to you to handle the situation with grace.

Keep in mind, if you're going to invite other children but not this cousin's kids, you may start WW3 anyway. You really can't exclude some kids and not others without offending people.

salt78

I was hoping this would be a post about zombies. 

shellydiane820

If they RSVP someone else then politely call them and tell them no.  If they show up at the wedding, you probably won't even notice because you'll be busy.

I had a sorority party come into my wedding, didn't know until breakfast the next day.

xoxBridexox

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-this-happen-anyone-anyone-scared-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1247677a-74ff-4e04-9edc-18ffc8671e4bPost:9b9cb130-905b-46a1-a031-225e687648b8">Re: Did this happen to anyone? is anyone scared it will?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was hoping this would be a post about zombies. 
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE
<div>
</div><div>My cousins are zombies.</div>

krmabojo

If they have added more RSVP's to the list simly call adn tell them poilitly that they others they added are a no. If they ask why (I am sure they will) say that you wanted to have tjhose closest to you there to celebrate your day, or that budget just does not permit anymore that what you had planned.

xoxBridexox

I would notice. No one in my family has met these kids (cousin #2 doesnt want her kids "around a lot of people") so everyone would be pretty interested to meet them. She'd use the wedding as the perfect Meet my kids now or you'll never see them again party.

and my other cousin....will be noticed. Shes real Klassy...

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-this-happen-anyone-anyone-scared-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1247677a-74ff-4e04-9edc-18ffc8671e4bPost:183866be-9dbe-4f0a-8fd8-2fc0a58be792">Re: Did this happen to anyone? is anyone scared it will?</a>:
[QUOTE]My cousins are zombies.
Posted by xoxBridexox[/QUOTE]

<div>I really think we should be friends.</div>

shellydiane820

I don't know, its one of those things, you just take it as it comes.  If they bring someone, I would probably just let it slide.  If they cause a scene, have someone escort them out.

xoxBridexox

I'm not worried that they will RSVP them. I WISH they would, so I could make the polite phone call and let them know we are at capacity at our venue.

The issue is them showing up day of, without me knowing.  Asking them to leave would be the worst, and so awkward, but how do I deal with possible extra guests? Sit them at a random table with 2 extra chairs? Most of our tables are full.

shellydiane820

They will figure something out.  Usually vendors prepare for it.

xoxBridexox

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-this-happen-anyone-anyone-scared-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1247677a-74ff-4e04-9edc-18ffc8671e4bPost:2a70b007-6bbf-4d76-8b06-df5b8d374d82">Re: Did this happen to anyone? is anyone scared it will?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did this happen to anyone? is anyone scared it will? : I really think we should be friends.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

<div>we can be friends.</div><div>
</div><div>But dont bring your kids to my wedding k? or a random boy that may/may not steal from the card box.</div>

salt78

Well lucky for you, I don't have any kids nor have I known any Shady McShadersons that would steal your cards since I was like 18.

xoxBridexox

Shady McShadersons.

Thats the name of my cousins current boyfriend. small world.

kkchisholm

I do become worried about this, especialy since its a plated dinner. I absolutly who have family who wouldn't think twice about bringing their 1 week boyfriend. My mom is a talker, and it is kind of getting spread through word of mouth that you have to be pretty much dating your guest now in order for them to come to the wedding.

jkara525

You know what - I think this happens to a lot of people.  The hard part is that it is not as simple to say no as other people think it is.  Totally understand that you are obligated to invite your cousins.  Sucks that you are worried they will do something inappropriate.  For people who have a clue, if you are not inviting them with a guest and kids they know not to bring them.  When you don't think they have the judgement to do the appropriate thing, the best you can do is only include them on the invitation with no additional guests. If they happen to RSVP with other people you can invoke certain rules if you have put them in place (i.e. so glad things are going well for you and the guy you met Saturday night!  can't wait to meet him eventually.  i didn't know you were serious with someone and I am not inviting singles without guests if they are not engaged. darn.)  Or, if there is a way for you to communicate by word of mouth (like a previous post said) that only those on the invite are included that would be good too.  The issue is that if they show up, I think that the right thing to do is to be accommodating and hope for the best.  As someone said, your vendor prepares for stuff like this and its likely you will have a no show or two....it will work out and it's very likely it won't ruin your day anyway.

It's annoying however that 1) people so blatantly ignore or are ignorant to simple etiquette (i mean who doesn't understand if you aren't on the invite, you aren't invited?) 2) there are women on this board that forget they are in a forum about giving etiquette advice to brides looking for council.  Instead they make snarky comments like wishing your post was about zombies.  Sadder even that some of these women are already married and shouldn't be lurking here to just be sarcastic.  I'd say that's bad etiquette and they should go start a blog where people have a choice in reading their negativity.  Just sayin'

Don't stress, sure things will work out.

future-mrs

Hahahahahaha, LOVIN this thread just from the hilarity of it.  Hehe... but to the OP sorry you're having troubles with cousins/kids.  I think everyone's given good advice so far

salt78

Well aren't you're an enthusiastic new person with many bride badges. Congrats on your engagement.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-this-happen-anyone-anyone-scared-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1247677a-74ff-4e04-9edc-18ffc8671e4bPost:9a1441aa-a6eb-409b-bbcd-24a09eb60af5">Re: Did this happen to anyone? is anyone scared it will?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well aren't you're an enthusiastic new person with many bride badges. Congrats on your engagement. :)
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

Okay this made me LOL. I heart salt's 99% sincere welcome train.

future-mrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-this-happen-anyone-anyone-scared-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1247677a-74ff-4e04-9edc-18ffc8671e4bPost:9a1441aa-a6eb-409b-bbcd-24a09eb60af5">Re: Did this happen to anyone? is anyone scared it will?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well aren't you're an enthusiastic new person with many bride badges. Congrats on your engagement. :)
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

Lol, newly engaged, yes, new to the Knot, definitely not.  I'm one of the ones that deleted my old account (from 2002) because I had the old-school User ID that was my e-mail.  And I was actually engaged before.  Thanks though!  And yes, I'm extremely happy/giddy, it's nice actually planning a wedding this time around that's going to stick.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-this-happen-anyone-anyone-scared-will?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1247677a-74ff-4e04-9edc-18ffc8671e4bPost:eb596189-3657-49e9-a59d-aff67c74a687">Re: Did this happen to anyone? is anyone scared it will?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If you really don't want them there, be prepared to ask them to leave if they show up.</strong> If you address the invitation to one the cousins and they bring the uninviteds, they're in the wrong. But it'll be up to you to handle the situation with grace. Keep in mind, if you're going to invite other children but not this cousin's kids, you may start WW3 anyway. You really can't exclude some kids and not others without offending people.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

No one's going to comment on this?  If not inviting her cousins will cause WWIII, how will asking them to leave NOT cause WWIII?

There are ways to word the RSVP cards to make it a little more blunt that the invitation is only intended for the people who's name is on the invitation.  I've seen "X seats have been reserved" and I've seen a list of each name and the guest checks off who will attend. 

The only other thing I would do is drop in conversation (if you speak to them regularly) that you are worried about people bringing children, and then other guests getting pissed that their kids weren't invited, or mention that you are worried about random dates because you need to know who all will be there for seating arrangements.