Bridesmaid Issue

amhill87

So over the weekend I went dress shopping with my MOH, ended up at David's Bridal and she found her dress.  I asked the consultant when my other BMs had to have their dresses ordered by to be in on time.  The consultant told me the next 2 weeks (wedding is in a little over 3 months).  So I text my two BMs with the information and had picked out 3 styles for them to choose from.  My cousin found a babysitter and will be going on March 3.  My other BM called me to tell me she will no longer be able to stand up for me because this is unreasonable since she was in labor for 2 days.  I had told her we would be dress shopping around this time and she showed no interested.  Another one of my cousins stepped up to take her place.  Going dress shopping with them on March 3 so we are getting them taken care of.  I told my FI the whole thing and he feels that she gave me a big F U because she has known about being pregnant for 9 months and told me at the very last minute when push came to shove.  He feels that I should not invite her but that it is my decision.  I am still hurt about the whole situation.  Especially in the entire time that I have been with my FI she has made no attempt to meet up with us to know my FI.  And only texts me with stupid chain texts.  So I made the decision to remove her from the guest list. 

mari0225

ummm...okay?

sunnydays630

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:eaaef1b0-34c9-4a11-a162-c9bd1c9b7e9a">Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]So over the weekend I went dress shopping with my MOH, ended up at David's Bridal and she found her dress.  I asked the consultant when my other BMs had to have their dresses ordered by to be in on time.  The consultant told me the next 2 weeks (wedding is in a little over 3 months).  So I text my two BMs with the information and had picked out 3 styles for them to choose from.  My cousin found a babysitter and will be going on March 3.  My other BM called me to tell me she will no longer be able to stand up for me because this is unreasonable since she was in labor for 2 days.  I had told her we would be dress shopping around this time and she showed no interested.  Another one of my cousins stepped up to take her place.  Going dress shopping with them on March 3 so we are getting them taken care of.  I told my FI the whole thing and he feels that she gave me a big F U because she has known about being pregnant for 9 months and told me at the very last minute when push came to shove.  He feels that I should not invite her but that it is my decision.  I am still hurt about the whole situation.  Especially in the entire time that I have been with my FI she has made no attempt to meet up with us to know my FI.  And only texts me with stupid chain texts.  So I made the decision to remove her from the guest list. 
Posted by amhill87[/QUOTE]

<div>Okay. </div>

amhill87

My MOH is going to be 7 months pregnant the day of the wedding...I understand they have their own lives...but to cancel when I have 2 weeks to get all the girl's dresses ordered made things a little stressful.

ricksang

Hmmm I don't understand. She was in labor for two days so does that mean she needs recovery time? Also, wouldn't the dress not fit her the same now as it will in three months. I think it's pretty crappy of you to uninvite her all together.

StephBeanWed61502

All I'm getting is she was in labor for two freakin' days and you're ticked she isn't getting her BM dress on your schedule.  Because, you know, it's super easy to recover from two days of labor and giving birth, so obviously she should ditch her week-old baby to come to David's Bridal with you.  

I hope you save this post and re-read it a week after you give birth one day, so you will be able to look back and realize how ridiculous you're being.

amhill87

OK Maybe the question is this...is removing her from the guest list petty?  My mom says it is.

barrelbabe004

So you're pissed that she can't go dress shopping since she just pushed a human being out of her and her life has just made a drastic change?  Right.

mari0225

Well she just had a baby, I really would cut her some slack. She is going through a lot right now. I would still invite her to the wedding.

ETA: Comprehension fail.

barrelbabe004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:245a0f6d-d922-4e21-8e21-0c5e8a101541">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]OK Maybe the question is this...is removing her from the guest list petty?  My mom says it is.
Posted by amhill87[/QUOTE]

Yes.

ootmother2

I don't understand the question here

sunnydays630

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:456420ab-ff68-422c-8b4c-e8b0d2436859">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH is going to be 7 months pregnant the day of the wedding...I understand they have their own lives...but to cancel when I have 2 weeks to get all the girl's dresses ordered made things a little stressful.
Posted by amhill87[/QUOTE]

<div>It shouldn't be too stressful. When my BMs ordered their dresses, DB told them DO IT NOW, we are in rush season and it will take 4 months for the dresses to come in! Three weeks later, everyone had their dresses. It will all work out. </div>

ricksang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:456420ab-ff68-422c-8b4c-e8b0d2436859">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH is going to be 7 months pregnant the day of the wedding...I understand they have their own lives...but to cancel when I have 2 weeks to get all the girl's dresses ordered made things a little stressful.
Posted by amhill87[/QUOTE]
You gave her a two weeks notice. That's a little steep. My girls had a two month notice. You don't think you caused her a little stress? I don't usually say this but you seem self involved.

amhill87

The dresses would be in by the end of April...So she would have had the entire month of May to get the dress altered. And she told me to find someone else to stand up for me.

sunnydays630

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:245a0f6d-d922-4e21-8e21-0c5e8a101541">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]OK Maybe the question is this...is removing her from the guest list petty?  My mom says it is.
Posted by amhill87[/QUOTE]
Yes. <div>ETA: Sorry,  I am super slow. </div>

mari0225

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:205866f8-f1de-4212-8769-4c58996480b5">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Issue : Different wedding party members.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Haha yeah figured that out after I posted and re-read. Whoops

ootmother2

Two days is hell on the vag.  Show some sympathy, okay?

lyndausvi

Paragraphs are your friends.

So you want to uninvite a BM because she had a baby, her life changed and she now decided to just be a regular guest instead.

WOW, just WOW.  

mari0225

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:7fcd852b-f21d-4ac5-847d-91e45ef243b5">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]The dresses would be in by the end of April...So she would have had the entire month of May to get the dress altered. And she told me to find someone else to stand up for me.
Posted by amhill87[/QUOTE]

I'm sure she was just hurt, and is of course under a lot of stress. Not to mention still in pain from two days of hell.

amhill87

I have told the bridal party I wanted to go dress shopping in January and it was impossible to get schedules coordinated...and when we did find a date people would reschedule.  My MOH's dress will be in on May 12 but the BM dresses if ordered asap will be in by April 28.  When the BM who just gave birth told me she was pregnant that we would go dress shopping in March.  When she had a better knowledge of her due date she could have stepped down then.  Instead of waiting until I finally set a deadline.

ASMommaBlue

Very petty, going to pick out a dress may not sound like a big deal to you, but becoming a new mother is a huge deal to her.  My guess is her hormones were all over the place when she responded.  Perhaps you could have offered to go with her and watch the baby wile she tries on instead of finding a replacement?  Or just straight out ask her if it was too much for her to take on which it probably was.  Either way, if you valued her enough to stand up for you in the first place, you should value her enough to realize the stress SHE is going through also.  When my babies were a week old, you would have been lucky just to get a message back from me!!

StephBeanWed61502

Seriously, don't invite her to your wedding.  It'll show her what an immature, petty brat you are, and she'll be able to realize she's better off without a "friend" like you anyway.

lyndausvi

You are being very unreasonable here. 

Many PEOPLE (not just new moms) have grandiose plans before the birth of a child.  Then reality kicks in.

amhill87

My FI says if I do invite her to the wedding that he will say Hi and thats it and move onto other people in the area. 

ricksang

She is obviously a good enough friend to you to have stood in your wedding, now that she can't/doesn't want to, you have decided she shouldn't be invited to the wedding at all. Her reasons are valid, your reasons are not.

I feel like we are missing some of the story here. Did you call her and insist she go to the dress shop in two weeks and then out of frustration, she said she wanted to back out of the wedding?

Why wasn't the BM dress shopping done earlier in the planning process?

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:35cc3e7b-edfe-4faf-919a-91b8e64484c9">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI says if I do invite her to the wedding that he will say Hi and thats it and move onto other people in the area. 
Posted by amhill87[/QUOTE]

How very gracious of him.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:35cc3e7b-edfe-4faf-919a-91b8e64484c9">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI says if I do invite her to the wedding that he will say Hi and thats it and move onto other people in the area. 
Posted by amhill87[/QUOTE]

Now, THAT'S a real threat!

barrelbabe004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:ffbd88b2-0aca-49fc-817d-60576606f442">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Issue : My word.  How old are you two?
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly.

ricksang

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:35cc3e7b-edfe-4faf-919a-91b8e64484c9">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI says if I do invite her to the wedding that he will say Hi and thats it and move onto other people in the area. 
Posted by amhill87[/QUOTE]
HAHAHA You both are immature. That will show her, we will invite her but give her the cold shoulder and make her feel unwelcome.

Don't invite her. That way she can get you two out of her life.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-issue-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:12c654b3-632a-40d5-8f3c-7c4a6b12481cPost:35cc3e7b-edfe-4faf-919a-91b8e64484c9">Re: Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI says if I do invite her to the wedding that he will say Hi and thats it and move onto other people in the area. 
Posted by amhill87[/QUOTE]

<div>You guys sound like a hell of a match.  </div>

jemmini6

Removing her from the guest list because she can't stand up in your wedding isn't just petty, it's a major asshole move.

I don't think you really understand the concept of being in labor for 2 DAYS, and then not feeling up to going dress shopping right away.  She was polite and honest in telling you that she didn't feel up to continuing being in your wedding, but then you were a major bridezilla that replaced her and now won't even invite her.  Yeah, it sounds like you are doing her a favor to end your friendship if you are going to be that immature and petty.