Small wedding...eliminating boyfriends and girlfriends

masjoon1

Hi Ladies,

Is it totally rude to ask people to only bring their significant other only if they are engaged or married? We are trying to have a small wedding and we could save a lot of seats.

ggmae

What if someone has been with their bf/gf for a long-enough time that would classify them to be in a "serious relationship?" Some people never marry. What do you do then?

redheadfsu

What about gay couples? Or the couple that has been together 10 years without an engagement? No, then I would find that rude.

RachNRich

Are we in the twilight zone?

What gg said.

tidetravel

Anyone that is in a long term relationship should be invited with their SO, regardless of being married or engaged.  I know several people that have been together for 5 or 10 years that have no plans on getting married.  They should not be excluded because of a lack of a ring.

 

kkchisholm

I agree with gg. fi and I bestfriends have been together for 7 1/2 years and have a house together. One would surely not come with out the other.

Honesely , if I know my guest is not in a relationship, I am simply not puting guest on the invite.

ThePinkSuperhero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-weddingeliminating-boyfriends-girlfriends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:134755f8-4097-4ebd-81aa-2a8a728f6145Post:3283d242-bf34-4db4-9685-4aaea773f5da">Small wedding...eliminating boyfriends and girlfriends</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Ladies, Is it totally rude to ask people to only bring their significant other only if they are engaged or married? We are trying to have a small wedding and we could save a lot of seats.
Posted by masjoon1[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is.  It's probably better to just cut down the guest list.

banana468

What you propose is rather rude.

One of my dearest friends has been dating her BF for almost three years now.  They're quite serious but not engaged.

Another friend of mine has been with his FI for just over a year.

You'd actually exclude the LONGER relationship because they're not married?

Yes, what you propose would be very rude.  Invite people who are married, engaged, living with or in LTR with their SOs.

ricksang

Won't lie, it will come off as rude. It's like you are being the judge of someone's relationship.

ggmae

One of my friends is getting married this summer and her rule is that if a guest hasn't been with their SO for at least a year, then they will be invited alone. I think that totally sucks because a friend of ours (my best friend) has been dating her boyfriend for 10 months - they live together and talk about marriage a lot, yet her boyfriend won't be invited based upon this bride's rule. Just because she isn't engaged/married doesn't mean she and her boyfriend aren't serious.

banana468

So gg, you already know that he won't be invited?  At one point is the one year up when you make that choice?

Because I'd laugh if the couple's one year anniversary is also the day that the bride and groom get married.

Even worse though would be if the bride decided TODAY what the cutoff was yet invitations wouldn't be sent for months.  What if they did get engaged in that time?    This is why it's always a good idea to at least be prepared for all the friends to be in LTR by the time you mail invitations.

lyndausvi

DH asked me to marry him with in 4 days of dating.. It took another 7 months before he allowed me to announce we were engaged because he INSISTED on meeting my parents before getting 'officially' engaged.  Okay? whatever?if that is what he wants, I was not going to complain.

Now I will not get into how ridiculous the whole thing was, but is my DH and I were serious way before anyone else knew. DH and I would have been annoyed to have been invited to an event like a wedding without the other one.

Point is.. who are you to decide who is commited or not?

ggmae

Banana - As far as I know, the guest list is already set and decided upon..and he's not on it. :-\ She's been planning for over a year now and has had the # set for a while. So, I guess it was the one-year rule based upon when she made the list? She confuses me. She is also the bride who fired her MOH for not being available 24/7 and is excited that her new MOH and 3 BMs have blonde hair because she, as a brunette, will stand out more.

nda_roxybabe

I'd be upset. My BF and I have been together 3 1/2 years and plan on getting married...

saisongbird

I'd be pissed.  FI and I were together for four and a half years and living together for nearly a year before we got engaged.  If I were the one invited, I wouldn't attend OR send a gift.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-weddingeliminating-boyfriends-girlfriends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:134755f8-4097-4ebd-81aa-2a8a728f6145Post:c5b61dc7-a8ef-45a2-9915-fa2371e6daed">Re: Small wedding...eliminating boyfriends and girlfriends</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd be upset. My BF and I have been together 3 1/2 years and plan on getting married...
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

roxy - you are clearly inferior to married people.  That's really what she's trying to say.

SarahSmile23

if someone has been with their boyfriend/girlfriend for a significant amount of time, it's really the polite thing to do to invite them. the only time i really bend on this is when it comes to a group of co-workers being invited together. (and it's quite obvious i am the only one who thinks THAT is acceptable!)

shellydiane820

I say screw 'em!

ggmae

Sarah - I'd definitely go to a wedding without DH if he couldn't go or didn't want to come, but I really think it would bother me if he wasn't invited at all. You must have good relationships with your coworkers, yes? I wouldn't feel comfortable with mine in a social setting like a wedding, but then again - I've only known them for 3 months.

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-weddingeliminating-boyfriends-girlfriends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:134755f8-4097-4ebd-81aa-2a8a728f6145Post:7aef90cc-511d-41ba-99f1-3062442d84dd">Re: Small wedding...eliminating boyfriends and girlfriends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Small wedding...eliminating boyfriends and girlfriends : roxy - you are clearly inferior to married people.  That's really what she's trying to say.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]
Thats the impression I got :( Hmph! I'll just have to notify T that until we're legal we mean nothing.

Kristin789

>>Invite people who are married, engaged, living with or in LTR with their SOs.

That.

And single friends who are not married, engaged, living with our in LTR with a SO can be invited solo.  There's no requirement to give every single friend the opportunity to invite some total stranger to come with her to your wedding.

SarahSmile23

nope, i'm not close to my coworkers at all. but we all manage to interact with each other 40 hours a week. i just think that, in the other thread, 13 coworkers who see each other almost every day will be just fine. we don't get to invite spouses to office christmas parties, either, so i guess i see it as a similar situation. but that's just my opinion! i realize i am outnumbered!

amlaplante

What you suggest is incredibly rude. Cut your guest list if your worried about cost. Don't tell someone who could possibly be living with their significant other and have been dating for 10 years that they can't come because they don't meet your specifications. If you're worried about cost only invite family and a few close friends.

mrsb711

I am in the same boat as you. I am excluding just "dates." In other words, I don't want a guest to bring someone random just for the sake of brining someone. 

I am not excluding boyfriends / girlfriends. In other words, I'm not limiting it to engaged / marriage. One of my aunts has been in a common law relationship for 5 years. I'm certainly not excluding her partner. 

If my guest is a long term relationship then I will include their date. The only caveat to this is if the person I am inviting will not know anyone well at the wedding. There is one single woman from my work I am inviting, and seeing as how she would not know anyone at my wedding besides me obviously, I'm including a date for her. 

I've already talked to my single close friends about this (all I am inviting is close friends) and they couldn't care either way. They are going to make it a girls night and be each other's dates.

BubbleJ

Like roxy, I have been with my boyfriend 3+ years and we plan on getting married. I would be offended if I wasn't invited to a wedding with my boyfriend. If they are in a serious relationship then the S/O should be invited.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-weddingeliminating-boyfriends-girlfriends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:134755f8-4097-4ebd-81aa-2a8a728f6145Post:a010464e-f16d-41b5-9745-c6090b609ec7">Re: Small wedding...eliminating boyfriends and girlfriends</a>:
[QUOTE]nope, i'm not close to my coworkers at all. but we all manage to interact with each other 40 hours a week. i just think that, in the other thread, 13 coworkers who see each other almost every day will be just fine. we don't get to invite spouses to office christmas parties, either, so i guess i see it as a similar situation. but that's just my opinion! i realize i am outnumbered!
Posted by SarahSmile23[/QUOTE]

WOW.  No way would I attend a Christmas party without DH.  That's equally rude.

JanoBean75

FI and I have been together for over five years. Living together for almost four years. I don't have an engagement ring (don't want two rings, so we'll get one later and use it as the wedding ring. He wants me in a diamond! LOL!), but we're getting married in September. Who is anyone to say we're not serious? And my not having a ring does not make us less engaged. It just means we didn't buy a freaking ring!

ohwhynot

I guess I feel differently from most people (not about your idea - I think it would be rude), but in that we ARE inviting just about everyone "and guest"- even if we won't know their guest.

 I want everyone to feel welcome to bring along a date, a friend, their mother, whomever they feel like spending the evening with.  Under most circumstances, I wouldn't want to attend a wedding alone - but maybe that's just me?   

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-weddingeliminating-boyfriends-girlfriends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:134755f8-4097-4ebd-81aa-2a8a728f6145Post:8ea3d57a-4142-46df-8bad-dd958435f824">Re: Small wedding...eliminating boyfriends and girlfriends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Small wedding...eliminating boyfriends and girlfriends : WOW.  No way would I attend a Christmas party without DH.  That's equally rude.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Yeah, FI's holiday party is tomorrow night and they said it's employees only. I'm a little miffed, especially since it's at a piano bar int he evening. If it were during work hours, I wouldn't care, but I grew up thinking that holiday party = date, summer picnic = family.

amlaplante

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-weddingeliminating-boyfriends-girlfriends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:134755f8-4097-4ebd-81aa-2a8a728f6145Post:d09fef23-0b1a-4e4b-9572-489cc08db23b">Re: Small wedding...eliminating boyfriends and girlfriends</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Small wedding...eliminating boyfriends and girlfriends : Yeah, FI's holiday party is tomorrow night and they said it's employees only. I'm a little miffed, especially since it's at a piano bar int he evening. If it were during work hours, I wouldn't care, but I grew up thinking that holiday party = date, summer picnic = family.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I'd be pissed and honestly knowing my FI he probably wouldn't go if I weren't invited. We both aren't big bar goers, especially not w/o each other. Quite frankly if anyone that is throwing a party/reception is worried about cost they should either, A. cut the guest list, or B. not have such a damn expensive party.

betrothed123

I also agree with Sarah.  My company has family friendly picnics once a year, but any other company social events are employee only.  I've never had a second thought about it.  It seems normal to me.