Wedding Etiquette Forum

Mom offered to help pay for dress, but...

In mid-November, my mom and I went dress shopping and I found a beautiful gown at David's Bridal that was on sale. She was aware that FI and I were paying for everything, and I told her that she didn't have to help me with anything. However, she insisted and offered to help me with my dress by splitting the cost 50/50.

I went ahead and put the dress on layway to take advantage of the sale, but my mom has only given me $100 toward the cost since then. My family doesn't have much money, and I was certain that she wouldn't be able to help me pay for my dress, but I'm a little disappointed that she offered and hasn't been able to do much more.

My dilemma: The final payment is due this week and I have a balance that I don't think I'll be able to cover on my own. Should I ask my mom for some cash towards this payment? Or should I just handle it myself and not say anything because she probably won't be able to help me anyway? Any other suggestions?  

Original wedding date: 8/4/12; New wedding date: 8/10/13. In case you're wondering: FI & I have moved our wedding to next year.

Re: Mom offered to help pay for dress, but...

  • Your wedding is still very far away. I think you still have time, you should just wait a couple of more months to purchase the dress. DB always has amazing sales. I mean, I was in the same situation. My mom offered the same thing and when we got there, she backed out. I've paid for my dress completely but I mean, it still bothers me sometimes. FI and I are also paying for our wedding on our own. 

    Good luck! 
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  • I think you need to deal with the situation on your own and leave your mom out of it. Yes, she offered to help you pay for the dress, but she may not be stepping up because she can't afford it now. Either way, the responsibility falls on you until you have a check in your hand.
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  • edited January 2012
    Hmmmm, I would make arrangements to pay it off yourself, but if you happen to have a conversation with her soon, you can casually bring it up. "Hey mom, I'm going to make the final payment on my dress this week. Do you still want to help pay for it or should I just go ahead and make the final payment?" Be prepared to pay in case she says she's sorry and doesn't have the money. If that's the case (which sounds likely), then be gentle about it and say, "No problem mom. Thanks for what you were able to give already - I really appreciate it."

    It sounds like she had really good intentions, but wasn't able to follow through b/c of her finances. I wouldn't give her a hard time about it, even though it does kinda suck.
  • If you don't pay for the dress, do you get the money you've paid back? I don't know the layaway policy there. How much money have you paid down on the dress, just in case you can't get your money back?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-offered-pay-dress-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:13d00a74-50f7-471b-aa54-8270483fdf99Post:c2021c73-20c6-4c3d-a14c-29e93c08e73a">Re: Mom offered to help pay for dress, but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your wedding is still very far away. I think you still have time, you should just wait a couple of more months to purchase the dress. DB always has amazing sales. I mean, I was in the same situation. My mom offered the same thing and when we got there, she backed out. I've paid for my dress completely but I mean, it still bothers me sometimes. FI and I are also paying for our wedding on our own.  Good luck! 
    Posted by jesannnne[/QUOTE]

    I don't think this is an option.  It's already partially paid for.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • I agree with the future mrs B poster.  Be gracious and understanding and bring it up casually, but be prepared to foot the bill

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    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

  • I don't think that I would bring it up.  I would just make arrangements to cover the rest of the bill myself.  It sucks that she offered to help pay and now she isn't, but I don't think that bringing it up will do much good.
  • Since your mom already told you that she would cover half of it, I'd casually bring it up the way Future Mrs. B has stated.  If she hadn't said she's pay for part of it, that would be different, but you purchased the dress, and put it on layaway with the knowledge that you'd be getting help.  She's your mom.  I'd bring it up, but not in a demanding or accusatory way. 

    If she can't help, thank her for her $100 contribution as pp said, and then talk to DB and see what your options are if you cannot make the final payment now. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-offered-pay-dress-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:13d00a74-50f7-471b-aa54-8270483fdf99Post:300fefc8-15fc-48a0-910d-1bb840727b57">Re: Mom offered to help pay for dress, but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Since your mom already told you that she would cover half of it, I'd casually bring it up the way Future Mrs. B has stated.  If she hadn't said she's pay for part of it, that would be different, but you purchased the dress, and put it on layaway with the knowledge that you'd be getting help.  She's your mom.  I'd bring it up, but not in a demanding or accusatory way.</strong>  If she can't help, thank her for her $100 contribution as pp said, and then talk to DB and see what your options are if you cannot make the final payment now. 
    Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

    I completely agree with this.
    She is your mom - there is no reason you can't bring it up, especially since she offered to help you pay, etc. Seriously, what is she going to do, never speak to you again because you asked about it? If she can't pay the rest, then just be prepared to handle it yourself, but there is no reason you can't ask her.
  • Thanks for all the feedback ladies!

    I just reviewed the terms and conditions of my layaway agreement, and I saw that I get a 15-day grace period after my final payment due date to pay the remaining balance without it being cancelled or having to pay a forfeiture fee! I called DB to confirm with the manager. Of course the dress won't be delivered mid-May as originally planned, but it doesn't matter now that we've moved the wedding back.

    I'll definitely be taking advantage of the extra time in order to finish paying for the dress myself. Thanks again for all your help!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mom-offered-pay-dress-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:13d00a74-50f7-471b-aa54-8270483fdf99Post:3900d383-d443-4dd9-8e71-293fab069b51">Re: Mom offered to help pay for dress, but...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for all the feedback ladies! I just reviewed the terms and conditions of my layaway agreement, and I saw that I get a 15-day grace period after my final payment due date to pay the remaining balance without it being cancelled or having to pay a forfeiture fee! I called DB to confirm with the manager. Of course the dress won't be delivered mid-May as originally planned, but it doesn't matter now that we've moved the wedding back. I'll definitely be taking advantage of the extra time in order to finish paying for the dress myself. Thanks again for all your help!
    Posted by MrsCoffee[/QUOTE]

    Awesome!
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