Not including FIs Dad?

kaynix21

So FI's dad left when he was little and is not involved in FIs life basicaly at all.

FI is refusing to allow me to order a boutineer for his dad and corsage for his girlfriend, they might be married by common law, but I'm not totally sure...

We are doing corsages and bouts for my parents, and grandparents, FIs mother and step dad and grandparents if they come...

I think it's super rude and an obvious F-U to ignore his dad. But that's what FI wants, so that's what FI gets.

FI's mom said to just order extra and say it was for her parents if they could come, which they won't, and just give them to FI's dad anyways.

I feel so bad. FI was really upset when I was done at the florist because he felt I had ignored his request (he never actually said flat out no until yesterday...he jsut kind of ignore everything when I talked about it beforehand).

MyNameIsNot

You should let your FI make this call.  It's his dad, it's his relationship.  Going behind his back and talking to his mom about it is messed up.

laurenclaire1386

Yup, this is your FI's deal. It's his wedding as well. If for whatever reason he doesn't feel like his dad should have a damn flower, then dad gets no flower. I mean really, we're talking about a flower here. I'm sure your FI's dad doesn't care in the first place, but by all means I would honor FI's wishes on this one.

FWIW, my FI's father has been in the same room with FI exactly twice in FI's 26 years on the planet. I highly doubt FI feels a need to honor his father with a bout, and if that's the way he wants it to be, then it will be.

jasmineh7777

Well, now you explicitly know your FI's wishes. Do not give his biological father a bout.It may be a total FU to the guy, be really, he hasn't earned any special recognition.

kate51485

If he hasn't been involved in his life is it a for sure guarantee that his dad is even coming?  I think I'd really stick with FI's wishes on this.  Parental relationships can get very chaotic and you don't want yours and FI's to be impacted too.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I agree with Jasmine. I'm pretty sure FI's father isn't going to wonder why he wasn't honored with a flower.

squirrly

I'm thinking that your FI's dad not being involved in FI's life is a huge FU to FI.  So. . . why do you have an issue with your FI not wanting to honor his father?  Does he even want to invite him?

AdeleDazeem

I know it seems like a giant f-u when you see it from your perspective, but unfortunately I don't think it is your call.

My fiance has some very strong (negative) opinions about his mother, especially when it comes to the wedding and her role in it.  Some members of his family has differing opinions.  It's not my job to play go-between for them.  My only job is to support his feelings on the subject.

kaynix21

MyNameIs: I didn't go behind his back to talk to his mom. I had to talk to her about other things and she asked me about florists and stuff and I mentioned what happened. She was the one thinking of a backwards way to do something for his father, not me.

I am totally going with FIs wishes here. I just felt bad because I was thinking of etiquette on this one. But now that FI was clear about it yesterday, it is what it is.

jasmineh7777

If FI's stepdad is being included, I am guessing guests will know which one raised him. Trust me, it's much worse etiquette to abandon your son.

jasmineh7777

Way to judge catwoman.
Getting someone pregnant does not earn them the title of "father." Likely, FI's family and friends know that biological father was not around. Not giving him a bout is not airing a grudge. Giving a toast that says, "Thanks for nothing dead beat dad" that may be airing a grudge.

squirrly

So, catwoman, should I feel snubbed at every wedding I attend as merely a guest and not a bridesmaid?  They care enough to invite him.  That's enough.  It's really not required to fake a more sentimental relationship than what exists.  Any guests who can't figure THAT out don't need to be at a wedding.

WhatawagSBNy

His family, his call.

   The special corsages and bouts are an honor to those who raised you.  This Dad seems more in the category of a relative  who is a guest.  Not a snub,  just not an honor.