Wedding Etiquette Forum

FI Etiquette Question

So my FI is in a wedding for a good friend of his. The gentlemen planning the bachelor party are planning a very pricey bachelor party (renting a trolley for the night, going to a nice dinner and then going to multiple clubs). FI is in law school and doesn't really have a ton of money (and even if he did this is not his idea of how to spend it). No one has asked about what they can afford or thrown out a price yet. Is there a polite way for FI to let them know that he is not interested in spending $500 for a night of bar hopping but he still does want to participate in the bachelor party (since it is a good friend)? He doesn't want to seem stingy but he really doesn't have $500 to spend on a party.

Also, my suggestion was I would find him a crappy trolley company on the boards and then they would cut out the cost of renting a trolley.
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Re: FI Etiquette Question

  • Just have your FI tell the BM or whoever is in charge of the planning that he is a student and can't really afford that much for a party.  He can mention what he would be we willing to contribute, and can ask them if they will reconsider the plans or let him look for a few cheaper options.
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  • Just have your FI be up front about it. He could say, "I'd love to participate, but at this point in time, I can really only contribute ____ dollars. $500 just is not in my budget. Would you like me to contribute ____ dollars and still come?"

    I don't think he should show up and partake if he isn't contributing unless he's talked this through ahead of time with the other guys. If they are unwilling to compromise, he may have to sit this one out. Hopefully the other guys might consider a more affordable option for everyone.


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  • Can he show up for a couple of hours at the bar, help pay for groom's drinks, then leave?  He doesn't have to participate in the dinner and all of the club hopping, but maybe either or. 
  • I think this is a question only your FI can answer.

    The boards are full of women who have a problem with their FI's bach parties.

    It's their decision. 

    That is unless you have full control of his finances and that's a problem right there.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:146d5b49-edec-488a-9b66-2255bcb79af5Post:890eb9ee-78ad-4649-89a1-95f45c2eb366">Re: FI Etiquette Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think this is a question only your FI can answer. The boards are full of women who have a problem with their FI's bach parties. It's their decision.  That is unless you have full control of his finances and that's a problem right there.
    Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

    <div>It's not her FI's party, its for a wedding he is in.  And she said that he can't spend that much nor would he want to.  So her question was how he should handle telling the other GM's that he can't pay that much for this bachelor party.</div>
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  • I mentioned to FI everyone's advice. He is going to email the BM with Summers line of "Hey I can only afford this much is it still cool that I participate" and hope for the best.

    And OOT, I don't really understand your response. I was only asking what he should do. I wasn't saying FI couldn't go and I wouldn't give him the money (though I agree with FI that spending $3000 for a bachelor party is kind of ridiculous). I never said I had an issue with him going (or spending the money if thats what he wanted to do).
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  • I understand that.

    JMO a trolley or limo is a lot safer than a bunch of guys driving around the town, nothing personal to anyone.  My observation

    I would let the transportation issue go, it's a safety thing
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:146d5b49-edec-488a-9b66-2255bcb79af5Post:6f96a37f-852d-43d1-8634-1395af82aedb">Re: FI Etiquette Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand that. JMO a trolley or limo is a lot safer than a bunch of guys driving around the town, nothing personal to anyone.  My observation I would let the transportation issue go, it's a safety thing
    Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]


    FI's really into public transit (and this would be in Chicago which has a lot of public transit). No one would drive. And renting a trolley is a couple hundred dollars- taking cabs from dinner to the bars would be cheaper (since they probably wouldn't go for the public transit idea).
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  • There are also much cheaper options for transportation too, like taking cabs between places.  Also, they could look into renting  a school bus and see what the price difference is. 
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  • Okay, if, as the FI, had the total assurance of having a safe driver (s), I would back down.

    But only with that. I'm personally too aware what a DUI can do to a family
  • sorry, too much personal history here
  • There a way better ways of getting around Chicago for a bachelor party than a trolley.  My bachelorette party was in Chicago and I found out afterwards that one of my BMs was pushing hard for renting a trolley or getting a couple limos.  Luckily a couple of the other BMs stepped in and pointed out that most of my friends are either grad students or fairly young and just starting out.  We ended up just getting cabs to move around places, and it probably ended up costingless than $15-20 in cab fare per person for the whole night.

    I'd suggest that your FI ask the planner if a trolley is really necessary.  I know a trolley sounds fun, but I bet there are other potential attendees besides your FI who aren't really looking to waste so much money.
  • Hahaha, tell your FI that I live to far out from the city to use public transport as a viable daily option so I forget about it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:146d5b49-edec-488a-9b66-2255bcb79af5Post:e577933d-9af4-48de-a040-dba3eb937e13">Re: FI Etiquette Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hahaha, tell your FI that I live to far out from the city to use public transport as a viable daily option so I forget about it.
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]


    Hahaha, the same is true for me. He complains about where I live not having enough public transit. And he makes fun of me for driving places he would walk to (like the grocery store 2 blocks away).
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  • He could always meet them for dinner, then let them go do the bar thing on their own. 
  • I would just tell him to explain that he would love to go and will be happy to meet up for dinner and maybe go out but that financially he can't really do it all.
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  • My FI organized a friend's bachelor party. Not everyone could afford everything, so he broke it down into sections (e.g. dinner will cost you $x, the limo would cost $y). Some people joined for everything, and some only joined for part of the night.

    I would hope your FI could just participate in part of it (like dinner) and skip out on the clubbing and trolley. That way he still gets to go, but is out a lot less money.
  • sorry, I think that I must have had my biitch hat on last night.
  • my SIL had one of tehse over the top parties with a dinner, clubs, fancy hotel, shuttle, etc.  my compromise was to show up for the dinner (and even tehn it cost me $80 and i went home hungry - it was tapas).

    i just dont get it.  its not like this is the last time you'll ever hang out with your friends again.
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