Kids or No Kids, Some Kids or All Kids

DandMegs

OK, so I have two wonderful kids ages 7 and 5 (they will be 8 and 6 at time of wedding) and obviously they will be at my wedding.  However, I am planning on having a sitter take them to a kids room to play or something so they are not under foot and the adults can enjoy themselves.

I have a few friends that I am very close to and see their kids all the time and would be more then happy to have at the wedding hanging in the kids room with my kids (as they play with each other all the time anyways). But i have some people on my guest list that have like 3 or 4 kids that I really don't know and maybe have seen in passing a few times. Would it be rude to not invite the kids (how would one go about doing that anyways).

We want about 125 guests and right now we are at 206 and a lof of that extra is extra kids. I rather plan for all the kids and have enough stuff but I really don't think we can afford the 81 extra people.

The guest list right now is at the very first stage with out talking to anyone so i am sure the numbers will go down (I like to over plan too). But I am not sure I want all these extra kids at my wedding that I don't know.

M

RachNRich

It would be awkward to invite some friends with their kids, and ask others to leave theirs behind. I think (aside from your own children) you'd be better off going all or none.

If you're already hiring a sitter for your children, would it be that much more for the additional kids?

JK10910

You don't have to invite all kids.  But it's best if there's a clear cut off usually--like kids of immediate family.  It helps avoid hurt feelings.  But it's not really mandatory.  You can pick and choose adults, why not kids?  You just have to realize if there isn't a clear cut off, some people might be pissed.  If you're prepared to deal with that, then go for it.

But if it's mainly a cost issue, aren't kids' meals much much cheaper than your adult meals?

hetshup

Maybe you could ask your children who they would like to have there as play buddies and have those kids invited?

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-kids-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:150fd759-0bef-4f63-b918-f4a9f7ed0577Post:501e325a-7773-4401-ad73-fc373b21747c">Re: Kids or No Kids, Some Kids or All Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe you could ask your children who they would like to have there as play buddies and have those kids invited?
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

I don't suggest doing this. This goes against what JK said--this leaves no clear lines as to why some children were invited and not others.

AmoroAgain

Maaaaaybe you should wait until you know for sure that your "FI" plans to do.  And, didn't get engaged like... yesterday?  How do you create a guest list overnight?

Also, maybe you should know how long you plan to keep renting out your uterus for before deciding to get married a year from now, especially as you plan to be pregnant again very soon.  It will not make for easy wedding dress purchasing.

DandMegs

How do you add or not add kids to an invite?

M

JK10910

Say whhaaattt?

AmoroAgain

Y'all need to board hop more often. 

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_much-little-can-planned

JK10910

Well hello there, overshare.  Jeepers!

DandMegs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-kids-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:150fd759-0bef-4f63-b918-f4a9f7ed0577Post:bcc619d2-f61e-49b0-8398-551c2d79e2a1">Re: Kids or No Kids, Some Kids or All Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]Maaaaaybe you should wait until you know for sure that your "FI" plans to do.  And, didn't get engaged like... yesterday?  How do you create a guest list overnight? Also, maybe you should know how long you plan to keep renting out your uterus for before deciding to get married a year from now, especially as you plan to be pregnant again very soon.  It will not make for easy wedding dress purchasing.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]


<div><font face="Arial" size="2">Hmm, well my FI and I plan on getting married that is what we plan on doing. as far as getting engaged yesterday, even though it was a shock it was still expected. I created a guest list over night because I know who I want at my wedding and who I do not want at my wedding. I also know who he is close to in his family and who he does not want at his wedding. My FI and I communicate about our loves and who we want in it. We do not surround ourselves with people wo do not care to associate with.</font></div><div></div><div><font face="Arial" size="2">Now on to me "renting out my womb" who the heck are you to judge me. I did not come on this board to ask about my decision to be a surrogate nor to be judged for being a surrogate. You have no idea how amazing surrogacy is for couples (newly married or otherwise) who find themselved infertile and in need of a surrogate. </font></div>
Megan

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Amoro is rocking the board hopping lately.

DandMegs - you address the invitation to who you want to invite. So for adults, write "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" For a family:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Mr. James Smith

Miss Emily Smith

AmoroAgain

It certainly doesn't sound like you do it out of the goodness of your heart, as a SAHM and FT college student.  Sounds more like a financial thing to me.

mwhitson14

Oh. Um. Wow.

All I know is, Amoro, thanks for introducing me to regretsy.

sucrets4

How do you know how old your kids will be if you don't even have a date set?

And shouldn't you really make decisions about the location and church and stuff together?

It seems like you're rushing into this.  Give it some time.

But to answer your question, as JK said, the best thing to do is pick a clear cutoff - either by age or relationship.  We only had kids of family members at our wedding and our few friends that had kids understood (but weren't tacky enough to ask about it).

AmoroAgain

Oh Sucrets, her FI is on deployment and doesn't care what she does. 

DandMegs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-kids-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:150fd759-0bef-4f63-b918-f4a9f7ed0577Post:d1747293-5218-423a-ae94-af765fde778e">Re: Kids or No Kids, Some Kids or All Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]It certainly doesn't sound like you do it out of the goodness of your heart, as a SAHM and FT college student.  Sounds more like a financial thing to me.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

<div>I never said I was not compensated for being a surrogate but that isn't any of your business. I do not ask you how much you make at your job or how you pay your bills do I? Have you ever been pregnant? Have you ever had to give yourself shots several times a day to sustain a pregnancy? Have you ever had to go through the pains of laboring and delivering a child? Pregnancy isn't a walk through the park and being a surrogate you should be compensated for it. If you take my compensation in consideration I am paid less then $2.50 an hour. Would you work at any job for $2.50 an hour?</div><div>However, I am able to stay home because I am a full-time student not because of surrogacy. I worked my butt off getting grants and scholarships to go back to school full-time. Yes, some people can be paid to go to school if they work hard, get good grades, and get scholarships, pell grants, and other grants. </div>
M

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-kids-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:150fd759-0bef-4f63-b918-f4a9f7ed0577Post:cc23790e-ee6d-47fd-9fd9-42545d7ebf10">Re: Kids or No Kids, Some Kids or All Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh Sucrets, her FI is on deployment and doesn't care what she does. 
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Ooo, therefore I think the theme should be puppies and rainbows.  Or ribbon wands.  Or Disney Princesses.

RachNRich

I commend you for being a surrogate--there are lots of families that cannot have their own children, and having a surrogate is a nice alternative. I've thought about it before--but mainly because the compensation is hella-nice. That being said, I do not know your reasons--but to each, his own.

Seriously though, if you've only been engaged for a day--slow down. Take some time to enjoy being engaged before rushing into the planning aspect. Wait a few months--as you never know what you're opinions and likes will be then. Revisit the guest list at that point.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-kids-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:150fd759-0bef-4f63-b918-f4a9f7ed0577Post:5711be9a-fe2f-4ffe-8f3a-15ac2f96c28f">Re: Kids or No Kids, Some Kids or All Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids or No Kids, Some Kids or All Kids : I never said I was not compensated for being a surrogate but that isn't any of your business. I do not ask you how much you make at your job or how you pay your bills do I? Have you ever been pregnant? <strong>Have you ever had to give yourself shots several times a day to sustain a pregnancy? Have you ever had to go through the pains of laboring and delivering a child? Pregnancy isn't a walk through the park and being a surrogate you should be compensated for it. </strong>If you take my compensation in consideration I am paid less then $2.50 an hour. Would you work at any job for $2.50 an hour? However, I am able to stay home because I am a full-time student not because of surrogacy. I worked my butt off getting grants and scholarships to go back to school full-time. Yes, some people can be paid to go to school if they work hard, get good grades, and get scholarships, pell grants, and other grants. M
Posted by DandMegs[/QUOTE]

If it's so awful, then why are you doing it for someone else?  I mean, if it's a family member or close friend I totally get it, but if it's solely for compansation, then I'm not so sure.  Especially if it's difficult for you.

And why do you have to give yourself shots to sustain your pregnancy?  Are you sure your body can handle another pregnancy?

AmoroAgain

Right.  Well, with two young kids, I can totally understand why you would go through pregnancy after pregnancy and expose them to a mom who's constantly walking around like that, but with no younger brother or sister.  I'm sure it's super easy to study full time and attend classes while taking care of 2 kids and a pregnancy.  How often are you having these babies?  If your kids are 2 years apart, and you've done this at least twice now... that means you've been having babies an average of every year and a half. 

And as Sucrets says, if they are so difficult for you, why are you doing it? Don't cover yourself in a mantle of altruism when it's clearly not.

DandMegs

I know how old my children are right now. I know we will be getting married on his block leave (he gets a months off after he gets home from deployment), so I know how old my children will be when we get married, even if they extend his time over there.

I do know the church and reception hall. I also know they will have available dates as they rarely hold weddings or other events there and when they do it is for members of the church and there or not that many of us. That is the joys of going to a small church.

I do not think I am rushing things, it isn't like I am sending out invites tomorrow. I just like having a plan, as plans make things go more smoothly. I want to know a guest list so I know how much money we will have to save over the next several months to pay for our wedding.

Thank you for the qnswer to my question. I think I am going to pick a cut off age for those invitations and just plan for a large kids room and more babysitters.

As far as girlie stuff no my FI doesn't care what I do. If I need to ask him if he wants roses or lillies in the wedding I will be sure to send him an email. He will also be home in a few months for leave so the bigger stuff that I do need him for he will be here.  Being a military spouse or girlfriend is no walk in the park. You learn to communicate when you have the time and you send a lot of emails back and forth. I know he will be there for me if I need him and he will do the things he needs to do or tell me what he wants or does not want when it comes to our wedding. As far as the small details he has too much going on in his life when it comes to work to worry about them (unless I need help) and I understand that and am ok with it. I want his head 100% in his job or he can be killed or someone else can be killed.

m

sucrets4

Dammit, I should have married someone in the miliary just so that I didn't have to consult DH on anything.

Disney Princesses(tm?)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JK10910

Aw, your self-righteousness is cute.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-kids-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:150fd759-0bef-4f63-b918-f4a9f7ed0577Post:c418a547-cb49-44a7-a8a9-2e60d04bc834">Re: Kids or No Kids, Some Kids or All Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]Aw, your self-righteousness is cute.
Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]

Tehehehehehe

DandMegs

I got the answer to my original question, thank you for those who answered.

As far as why I am a surrogate it is because I want to help a couple who can not have a child. I have had 1 surrogate baby and this pregnancy will be my last and I am doing this surrogacy for a friend who has had to go through so much trying to be a mother. This is a gift I can give her, and it truly is a gift.

Also a little FYI, if you go through invitro fertilization you have to take shots to sustain a pregnancy for about 12 weeks. My kids have been involved in the process of surrogacy and know that I was helping someone have a baby. As far as how can I care for my children, ne pregnant, and go to school full-time, well my children also go to school full-time, I have a wonderful support network of friends and family that also know surogacy is such a blessing.

Thank you for all of your opinions on my questions, as well as the unsolicited opinions of me being a surrogate. I however, am not going to defend my decision to be a surrogate any more as what you think obviously does not matter. It is a decision my FI and I, as well as my family made and your disagreement for why I am being a surrogate did not and will not ever come into play in that decision making process. We understand not everyone agrees with surrogacy and that is your right as a person to be able to voice your opinions about it.

Megan

AmoroAgain

I shall dub thee futuremrsoctomom

JK10910

Oh Amoro, how I love you.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-kids-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:150fd759-0bef-4f63-b918-f4a9f7ed0577Post:29aaca2d-55d0-4277-a28f-a96c64daccb8">Re: Kids or No Kids, Some Kids or All Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]I shall dub thee futuremrsoctomom
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

bwahahahaha!

AmoroAgain

She's totally reminding me of octomom.  Justify, justify, JUSTIFY!!

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-kids-kids-kids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:150fd759-0bef-4f63-b918-f4a9f7ed0577Post:f0a78c0f-87a8-493f-9880-670386329da3">Re: Kids or No Kids, Some Kids or All Kids</a>:
[QUOTE]I got the answer to my original question, thank you for those who answered. As far as why I am a surrogate it is because I want to help a couple who can not have a child. I have had 1 surrogate baby and this pregnancy will be my last and I am doing this surrogacy for a friend who has had to go through so much trying to be a mother. This is a gift I can give her, and it truly is a gift. Also a little FYI, if you go through invitro fertilization you have to take shots to sustain a pregnancy for about 12 weeks. My kids have been involved in the process of surrogacy and know that I was helping someone have a baby. As far as how can I care for my children, ne pregnant, and go to school full-time, well my children also go to school full-time, I have a wonderful support network of friends and family that also know surogacy is such a blessing. Thank you for all of your opinions on my questions, as well as the unsolicited opinions of me being a surrogate. I however, am not going to defend my decision to be a surrogate any more as what you think obviously does not matter. It is a decision my FI and I, as well as my family made and your disagreement for why I am being a surrogate did not and will not ever come into play in that decision making process. We understand not everyone agrees with surrogacy and that is your right as a person to be able to voice your opinions about it. Megan
Posted by DandMegs[/QUOTE]

Well, you're obviously more special than anyone who has ever been a surrogate or had IVF before.  Do you get a crown, too??