Wedding Etiquette Forum

When Someone Assumes They're Invited

I have a friend from college that I haven't spoken to in about a year. We're friends on FB and I'm pretty sure she lives out-of-state now. Yesterday, she wrote on my wall, "So, when is the wedding? I just want to make sure I don't miss it. :D" I haven't been posting wedding-related updates on FB, but I do get an occasional wall post from a family member (who is invited) that I'm sure this girl can see. I just don't know to respond to this - we haven't spoken in a year and shouldn't she just wait and see if she receives an invite? I'm also wondering if maybe she knows she won't be invited, but wants to send a gift? That's not what the comment sounds like though. Any advice on how to respond to this?
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Re: When Someone Assumes They're Invited

  • You should delete her post from your wall so it doesn't cause any other issues. Just tell her, you're sorry, but you're having a small wedding and due to space/budget/whatever you weren't able to invite everyone you wanted. You could add that you hope to catch up with her next time she's in town, etc. if you want. It was rude of her to ask about it.
  • I definitely wouldn't use the "we're keeping it small" excuse if you aren't in fact keeping it small.  That one kind of bit me in the butt already. I used that excuse and I didn't know she had a connection with someone who knew quite a few details of our wedding... The next day I received a message in my Facebook inbox... "200 is small?" So - just a warning. 


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_someone-assumes-theyre-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:151c7029-2aae-44e4-a554-4ee2979a3248Post:f7be5225-adcc-4956-9fae-469e0de9eaae">Re: When Someone Assumes They're Invited</a>:
    [QUOTE]I definitely wouldn't use the "we're keeping it small" excuse if you aren't in fact keeping it small.  That one kind of bit me in the butt already. I used that excuse and I didn't know she had a connection with someone who knew quite a few details of our wedding... The next day I received a message in my Facebook inbox... "200 is small?" So - just a warning. 
    Posted by mespence47[/QUOTE]

    Wow - how did you respond to that message??
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  • We just had one of FI's extended family members ask us about it at a graduation party this weekend (we just sent our STDs 2 weeks ago and most of his family is invited, so they were all talking about it).  She came and asked FI about it and he just told her we hadn't finalized our guest list yet and that was our 'first round' of STDs because we are still collecting addresses.  Not true, but he didn't want to flat out say "no, you aren't invited".

    There's a few options you can use, the "haven't finalized our guest list" is one way.  Or you can just let her down gently and say "unfortunately, we weren't able to invite everyone we would have liked to".   I would definitely take her post off your wall though and either call her or at the very least, send a PM.
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  • I agree with deleting it off your wall, especially because you are so close to the wedding.
  • Delete it and just send her an email that says that you're sorry but you weren't able to invite everyone you would have liked to.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_someone-assumes-theyre-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:151c7029-2aae-44e4-a554-4ee2979a3248Post:2a7f1a6f-c7ef-46c3-9261-725b4a3bf9f3">Re: When Someone Assumes They're Invited</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: When Someone Assumes They're Invited : Wow - how did you respond to that message??
    Posted by ajroark[/QUOTE]

    <div>Haha, well, I didn't. This isn't someone who I would've invited if we were having 300 people, so I don't really care and I found it strange that she even asked when I saw her at the supermarket if she was invited.  I never talked wedding with this girl, and she is friends with mutual friends, but I'm not really friends with her, nor have I ever been.  She is just mad she's missing out on something that many of HER friends will be attending.  I don't think she's really 'hurt' that she isn't invited. </div>
  • we actually are keeping ours small so I have used that excuse a LOT.
    We are having to invite some friends but not others and our reasoning is that because we have so many people we know, we have had to narrow down to who out of his friend do I know as well, and vice versa.It's fair, since the wedding is for the TWO of you, not just one, and she can't argue if she hasn't gotten to know your fi.
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