RSVP inviting guests

mrsdinger

Just received a RSVP today that added a plus one. It is a family member who is a bit spoiled and entitled. Nonetheless, how do I respond to this? We are at capacity with our guest list, budget, etc. I know that everyone has their own opinions on giving plus ones in general. My FH stand firm on the policy we decided upon for our wedding. Trust me, we have been to weddings where we one of us was not invited. Never ever would I have had the gaull to RSVP with more guests than the invitation was addressed. Help!!!

LeiselEB

Is this person in a relationship? I'm not sure what your policy towards plus ones was, but if this person rsvped with their significant other, you need to accommodate that person. If this is a truly single guest, then give her a call and say that you're sorry for the confusion but that the invitation was meant only for her and that you hope she can still make it.

wrigleyville

Is this family member in a relationship with their guest? If so, then their guest should be included. 

If they are not dating, then you will need to call and explain that the invitation was for your family member only and you are sorry, but you cannot accommodate additional guests.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:15d6f77e-06d8-44c1-9093-63dbef13d293Post:1e29a293-bc6c-41d2-86ab-a54ec22c61f1">Re:RSVP inviting guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this person in a relationship? I'm not sure what your policy towards plus ones was, but if this person rsvped with their significant other, you need to accommodate that person. If this is a truly single guest, then give her a call and say that you're sorry for the confusion but that the invitation was meant only for her and that you hope she can still make it.
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

<div>DItto.</div>

mrsdinger

It's not a serious relationship by any means. It is my cousin, whom I am not close with at all, and her boyfriend is extremely pompous and condescending. We did not give out plus ones at all, unless the couple was engaged or were part of our wedding party.

wrigleyville

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:15d6f77e-06d8-44c1-9093-63dbef13d293Post:c37f8f44-9c38-477c-a228-4e0a379b25b1">Re:RSVP inviting guests</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not a serious relationship by any means. It is my cousin, whom I am not close with at all, and her boyfriend is extremely pompous and condescending. We did not give out plus ones at all, unless the couple was engaged or were part of our wedding party.
Posted by mrsdinger[/QUOTE]
You cannot judge how serious a relationship is. It was rude to invite her (and all of the other guests in relationships) without her boyfriend, no matter how pompous the boyfriend is.

mrsdinger

Thank you for your plus one opinion. I was looking for something a little less non judgemental regarding a guest taking the liberty of giving herself a plus one. Every wedding is different and we just couldn't swing for plus ones for everyone other than our wedding party.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:15d6f77e-06d8-44c1-9093-63dbef13d293Post:aeaec9d8-bc9f-4486-b2c0-6fc50dcf9102">Re:RSVP inviting guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your plus one opinion. I was looking for something a little less non judgemental regarding a guest taking the liberty of giving herself a plus one. Every wedding is different and we just couldn't swing for plus ones for everyone other than our wedding party.
Posted by mrsdinger[/QUOTE]

<div>Wrigleyville and the other posters aren't being judgemental, they are simply telling you what the proper etiquette is.  You clearly didn't mean to breech etiquette by not inviting her boyfriend, but you did.  It wasn't rude of her to assume her boyfriend was invited.  It was rude of you not to invite him in the first place.</div><div>
</div><div>We're not saying YOU are a rude person, just that you did a rude thing.  It's okay, we all do it.  We all slip up and do rude things without meaning to.  The best way for you to rectify the situation is to smile and tell your cousin that you are looking forward to seeing both of them at the wedding.</div>

libby2483

No one is trying to be rude. They are just trying to help you fix a mistake you made. A plus one is different from a significant other. A plus one is given to a truly single guest, and is optional. A SO should always be invited, no matter how you feel about them or how well you know them. Only in very extreme cases should a SO be excluded.

coopsbaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:15d6f77e-06d8-44c1-9093-63dbef13d293Post:e0c5b4f4-6ab1-444d-8984-354705278d08">Re:RSVP inviting guests</a>:
[QUOTE]No one is trying to be rude. They are just trying to help you fix a mistake you made. A plus one is different from a significant other. A plus one is given to a truly single guest, and is optional. A SO should always be invited, no matter how you feel about them or how well you know them. <strong>Only in very extreme cases should a SO be excluded</strong>.
Posted by libby2483[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yes, exactly this. And we mean like he tried to sleep with you or kill your fi extreme. Not just that he's a douche.</div>

Mrs.B6302007

<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:11.818181991577148px;background-color:#ffffff;">[QUOTE]Just received a RSVP today that added a plus one. It is a family member who is a bit spoiled and entitled. Nonetheless, how do I respond to this? We are at capacity with our guest list, budget, etc. I know that everyone has their own opinions on giving plus ones in general. My FH stand firm on the policy we decided upon for our wedding. Trust me, we have been to weddings where we one of us was not invited. Never ever would I have had the gaull to RSVP with more guests than the invitation was addressed. <strong>Help!!!</strong>[/QUOTE]</span><div>
</div><div>You need to learn the difference between +1 and SO.  A +1 is a courtesy guest that can be a friend, a sibling, etc of the guest.   If a guest believes himself or herself to be in a relationship, then said guest has an SO.  SO must be included; +1s are optional depending on budget.  The cousin in question has an SO and he should have been invited to begin with.  You were wrong to exclude him.  </div><div>
</div><div>You have a couple of choices to make this right.  You can physically call the cousin and apologize for your gaffe or you can not offer an apology and accept the RSVP with him included.  Either way, the right thing to do is to make the space for him.</div>

AlexaNP

I think the other people are right, although maybe they didn't need to be so harsh just because you didn't know this.  I never knew until looking at these boards that it was the etiquette to invite all SO's no matter what.  Where I live, the rule of thumb is they are definitely invited if they are living together, engaged, or married, and otherwise it is up to the bride and groom.  I wish people from my area would learn about this etiquette rule, though, because my FI and I have been dating 4 years, and even after dating 2 years there would still be weddings that he was invited to without me.  (Because of this, I was already inviting all SO's to MY wedding because I didn't want them to feel left out like I was, before I learned that this was proper etiquette anyway).

So, yes, I would probably invite them.  But I'm not sure what else to advise you to do, because if you follow this rule, and have to back-invite everyone's SO, you might be over your limit on guests and budget!  Maybe someone else has ideas on this.  Or maybe, if your lucky, and the norm in your area is like mine, people might not say anything about their SO not getting invited....

ReichertWedding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:15d6f77e-06d8-44c1-9093-63dbef13d293Post:f0cea66f-a62f-4994-93ce-6f345f4016c5">RSVP inviting guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Just received a RSVP today that added a plus one. It is a family member who is a bit spoiled and entitled. Nonetheless, how do I respond to this? We are at capacity with our guest list, budget, etc. I know that everyone has their own opinions on giving plus ones in general. My FH stand firm on the policy we decided upon for our wedding. Trust me, we have been to weddings where we one of us was not invited. Never ever would I have had the gaull to RSVP with more guests than the invitation was addressed. Help!!!
Posted by mrsdinger[/QUOTE]

I would just cal her and tell her that you are at full capacity and you cannot accommodate a plus one, as the invitation you sent her only lists her name. There is no rule that states you need to include someone's significant other, especially if you do not care for him. Tell her you hope she can make it, and if she tries to argue with you tell her you and your finace are firm with what you've decided. If she doesn't agree with it, she does not have to attend your wedding. It's that simple.

SKPM

In Response to Re:RSVP inviting guests:[QUOTE]I would just cal her and tell her that you are at full capacity and you cannot accommodate a plus one, as the invitation you sent her only lists her name. There is no rule that states you need to include someone's significant other, especially if you do not care for him. Tell her you hope she can make it, and if she tries to argue with you tell her you and your finace are firm with what you've decided. If she doesn't agree with it, she does not have to attend your wedding. It's that simple. Posted by ReichertWedding[/QUOTE]
There is, though. Etiquette and properly hosting your guests means inviting everyone who is in a relationship with their significant other.