Recently divorced uncle, do I invite the ex-wife?

CallMeBubbles

Hey y'all! I'm mostly a lurker around here, but I had a question I was hoping to get some advice on. We just sent our save the dates a few weeks ago, and my dad told me this weekend his brother is getting a divorce. I sent the save the date to my uncle and aunt. Do I still invite both parties to the wedding? My parents said they didn't think I will have to invite my aunt, but I'd feel bad about leaving her out. I know she wouldn't come, so does it hurt to send her the invite?

dumdumfroggie

I would ask you uncle what he would prefer you do.

MyUserName1

This is a slightly unpopular opinion, but I think if you send save the dates to a couple and they break up, then you are not obligated to invite both parties.  If you don't want to invite your aunt or uncle will be uncomfortable, then I wouldn't invite her.

Kate61487

ditto froggie.

When you send a STD to a couple and they break up before invitations go out you don't have to invite the parties separately, you can just invite the person you originally intended to invite. 

That said, presumably this woman was in your life for a while, and you may very well have developed your own aunt/niece relationship with her that won't necessarily go away. 

If you don't want to invite her I think you're in the clear.  If you do want to invite her I'd ask your uncle first to make sure that won't hurt his feelings / put him in a really awkward position.

gabriel0915

My aunt and uncle have broken up after being together over 40 years. We sent out our STDs in January not knowing that my aunt had moved out and my felon of a cousin has moved in. I knew I was also in a sticky situation about it and went to my grandma (aunt's sister) who told me not to even invite them. Serious family drama involved. I feel HORRIBLE not inviting her, but my fear of a drugged up felon cousin showing up at my wedding is much higher. In your case I'd just invite the uncle. Sad to say, they don't live together and you don't have her information anymore, and she probably doesn't want to be around him and vice versa. I think you're fine.

mari0225

If you are close to his ex then I might ask what he would like. I am in a similar situation but it was my aunt she was adament on not inviting him and since i'm not all that close to him, I just let it go and I doubt he would've come anyways.

CallMeBubbles

Thanks for all the tips. My dad was just down visiting my uncle, so I'll trust him when he says I don't need to invite my aunt. He said my uncle was "rough." She and I were never all that close, but they were together 35 years, and she's been my aunt my whole life.

I won't send her the invite, and y'all have helped me feel OK about it! I didn't want to make a huge faux pas!

Smallstar

I was in a similar position, only it was my dad and step-mom. I had sent their save the date on a Monday and then she left my dad unexpectedly the following Saturday. It wasn't a pretty separation/divorce by any means, so I was unsure about inviting her to the wedding until the day I sent out my invitations. I ultimately left it up to my dad and he encouraged me to invite her based on the relationship we had had up until that point, since they had been together since I was 11. You might be surprised at how your uncle views the situation, but if you weren't close to her to begin with, I don't think that it's completely out of line to not invite her given the situation. 

CallMeBubbles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_recently-divorced-uncle-do-i-invite-the-ex-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:169aa757-497d-4a64-b0d2-0f5ac80c3662Post:e0780021-0e7b-4ed5-8160-85e26db5e007">Re: Recently divorced uncle, do I invite the ex-wife?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was in a similar position, only it was my dad and step-mom. I had sent their save the date on a Monday and then she left my dad unexpectedly the following Saturday. It wasn't a pretty separation/divorce by any means, so I was unsure about inviting her to the wedding until the day I sent out my invitations. I ultimately left it up to my dad and he encouraged me to invite her based on the relationship we had had up until that point, since they had been together since I was 11. You might be surprised at how your uncle views the situation, but if you weren't close to her to begin with, I don't think that it's completely out of line to not invite her given the situation. 
Posted by Smallstar[/QUOTE]
 <div>Thanks for your insight. I do want to find a time to talk to my uncle (I think it's too fresh now) because you're right, he may have a different opinion. She and I were never close, but I do feel a bit weird just ignoring her since she was my aunt for 25 years. Idk, for now I'm leaning toward not inviting her, but will confirm with him. Y'all are the best!</div>

Plumbb2

Uncle just got seperated after 30 years of marrage. my cousin is getting married and didn't invite my ex-aunt. My ex-aunt was very hurt. She felt disowed from a family she had been apart of for 30 years. It was my uncles decision to seprate. Now I'm not sure what I should do invite her or not.