Advice from TK- good or bad?

felicity and reverie

The following NYTimes article is about couples that get married on cruise ships as a cheaper alternative to a traditional destination wedding.

However, in the article the issue of getting married at sea vs. getting married at a port of call because residency restrictions and waiting periods can make it difficult to get legally married. Carley Roney from TK is quoted as saying, "Honestly, we think you should just go to City Hall first."  -- /> http://travel.nytimes.com/2010/04/11/travel/11pracwed.html?ref=travel

What do you think? Is this a special circumstance where you can get married and then have a fake wedding or is TK just full of it?

sucrets4

Hmm, go to City Hall and tell everyone and then have a kick ass party on a cruise ship?  I'd say that's cool.  Depends on if they'd do the 'ceremony' over.  That would be lame.

aMrsin09

My sister got married on a cruise ship before it left Ft. Lauderdale.  There was no drama and they were CA residents at the time.

There is one cruise line that can marry you at sea, but of course I forget which one it is.

felicity and reverie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-tk-good-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:17487746-04c3-4820-a3c2-7e236a47e347Post:862417b0-76a9-4b2e-9224-22809c00c605">Re: Advice from TK- good or bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister got married on a cruise ship before it left Ft. Lauderdale.  There was no drama and they were CA residents at the time. There is one cruise line that can marry you at sea, but of course I forget which one it is.
Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

Princess, Celebrity and Azamara Cruise Lines can marry you at sea.

sucrets4

fwiw, I think it's crappy to 'save money' by placing the financial responsibility on the guests. 

"Hey, it's only costing us $1500!"  sure, but since you're not really hosting anything, everyone else has to pick up the tab.  This is why I don't care for true DWs.

squirrly

I think you should make the effort for your ceremony to be legal.  If you determine that it's not possible to achieve that, then do the paperwork at city hall as close to your ceremony - before or after - as you can.  If your guests ask or mention it - be honest.  But, I don't think it requires an ANNOUNCEMENT.

If you're getting married early or late, legally, for any reason other than that, then it's really a choice you made and you need to be up front and deal with the consequences. 

Bottom line to me - getting married on paper 24 hours early because you can't legally do so at your ceremony is different than getting married on paper 24 months early so you can collect married BAH from the military and use that to pay for your pretty princess day party.

felicity and reverie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-tk-good-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:17487746-04c3-4820-a3c2-7e236a47e347Post:e8837b91-fbd9-4d03-acae-8018d452a984">Re: Advice from TK- good or bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm, go to City Hall and tell everyone and then have a kick ass party on a cruise ship?  I'd say that's cool.  Depends on if they'd do the 'ceremony' over.  That would be lame.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

The article doesn't really address what the protocol should be if you get married at City Hall and then have your wedding on the ship. It focuses more on what types of things to be aware of if you are trying to do it.

If you were going to get married beforehand, would you really want to spend your first week or so as newlyweds on a boat with all your friends and family? I would feel bad because 1. they wouldn't actually get to see me get married and 2. then I would feel obligated to entertain them during the cruise since they had shelled out so much money to come party with me and I would want to be hanging out with my new H

sucrets4

Yeah, I commented before reading the article. 

I think everyone is different...some people might really want to do that!

aMrsin09

Just read the article. 

The advice to go to City all is offbase.  There were no "special" circumstances pointed out in the article.  If I want to get married in St maarten, the residency requirements are the same whether I arrive by cruise or by air.  Those are just the details you have to take care of when getting maried overseas. 

ExpatPumpkin

It sounds like you could get married at City Hall and then have a blessing performed by a clergyperson at sea...  For some religions that might be your only option if you really want that kind of wedding.

spinner84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-tk-good-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:17487746-04c3-4820-a3c2-7e236a47e347Post:5b9cd61f-1254-4873-b4af-cffc2117417b">Re: Advice from TK- good or bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]fwiw, I think it's crappy to 'save money' by placing the financial responsibility on the guests.  "Hey, it's only costing us $1500!"  sure, but since you're not really hosting anything, everyone else has to pick up the tab.  This is why I don't care for true DWs.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]
Not everyone lives near their families though. My family and my FI's family are both in different countries, and it's a different country from where we live. Everywhere is an inconvenience to someone!

I think having it made legal a few days before is fine and is standard in Europe. I wouldn't want a cruise personally, but I think it's okay if someone does.

And if it's too expensive to attend as a guest, that's fine too.

ExpatPumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-tk-good-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:17487746-04c3-4820-a3c2-7e236a47e347Post:b3fcd910-fdb9-453e-8f8d-88eab449d8e8">Re: Advice from TK- good or bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice from TK- good or bad? : Not everyone lives near their families though. My family and my FI's family are both in different countries, and it's a different country from where we live. Everywhere is an inconvenience to someone!
Posted by spinner84[/QUOTE]

Us too.  I lived in Texas and my family is all spread out across the country.  My husband and his family lived in Mexico.  There was no one common location.  So it was DW or no wedding ;) 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

1. It's kind of a PITA to ask your guests to pay for an entire cruise to see you get married at sea. If you get married in port, you can arrange to have them come on the ship before you leave, and then they can get off the ship without paying for a cruise.

2. I've never heard of a residency restriction for a different state. A different country, yes, but that's why you research it and figure it out in advance. Example: I believe you have to live in England for 7 days before getting married, so you need to time your arrival right. Scotland is only 24 hours.

bzielazny

My FI is from Russia, and I know this is common in other places in Europe too, that clergy don't have the legal authority to marry you, so you go to city hall first, and then you have the religious ceremony after. I know to me, the legal stuff is really just paperwork but the religious ceremony is what is most important. A lot of times you will just bring witnesses to city hall and then you have the larger religious ceremony...if you are religious of course! I still think its not that big of a problem to do the residency requirements if you are having a DW...you just need to plan! I'm just saying that Ive been to a few future family members events and they have already been legally married before. Of course, everyone knows this, so its not like a "pretend" wedding.

Oh, and I totally agree about DW's being expensive for everyone else. I used to date a guy who wanted one becasue he didnt want to plan a wedding. He ended up getting married abroad and having a big party at home...but his parents had money. I would have had to pay for my parents and sister to go, and my grandparents wouldnt have been able to come, and that makes me sad. Plus, I dont see how it really cuts down on the planning.