MOH has Family Crisis! Please HELP ME!

playingonadream

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Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-family-crisis-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:17c45735-2866-4d72-9adb-6d8da51281c8Post:04f7740b-436c-43e3-8f77-25346cfb6b8a">MOH has Family Crisis! Please HELP ME!</a>:
[QUOTE]My Maid of Honor called me with some really bad news and I have no idea how to proceed. My Maid of Honor not only lost her job yesterday but found out her mother has a life threatening illness. She informed me that she is immediatly moving home (across the country) to care for her mother. She told me that she thought it might be best for me if I picked a different maid of honor. She doesn't feel that she will be able to devote the kind of time and attention that a MOH should. So what do I do? Do I ask one of other bridesmaids to be MOH or do I leave my friend as MOH and try to manage all this wedding planning on my own? My current MOH would still be in the wedding as a bridesmaid if I did choose a different MOH. One other piece of information you may need is that all my bridesmaids live out of state but were within driving distance or in town often enough to help me plan. Witht he type of illness her mother has, she will probably not be coming back east very often or maybe at all except for the wedding. I'm really at a loss as to how to proceed here. <strong>I love my MOH but I don't think I can do all this planning on my own</strong>. Please be kind. I am heartbroken over the fact that I have to make this decision like this.
Posted by playingonadream[/QUOTE]

You don't have to plan alone.  You have your Fl and that is who you should be planning the wedding with, not your MOH. 

MOH or BMs have absolutely no "duties" beyond buying the dress and coming the day of.  So keep her as your MOH.  It won't change anything other than hurt her to make her a BM and make someone else a MOH because you think you need help.

Meaghann17

Leave her as your maid of honour- she is your closest friend and you chose her originally for this reason.

The only job that she is truly required to do is to come to the wedding. Sure it is great when our friends can help us along the way and are there for us- but it is not a requirement. I think the nicest thing to do is keep her- her horrible situation doesn't affect your friendship and it might make her feel really good to know you are there for her. 

When you look back on your wedding and think of your bridal party and family you're not going to think "Im so glad I chose friend as MOH because she threw a rocking shower/bachelorette/came dress shopping/picked invites." Its going to be that you were so glad you could share your wedding with those you love.

if you are very concerned about the planning perhaps look into wedding coordinators or a day of coordinator. also make a list of what you need, when it needs to be done by and ask for help from your FI or anyone else in your life who is willling- moms, other bms etc. your FI should definately be first to step up and take some stuff on himself for the wedding. your bms friends and family could be helpful more in a sense of helping you find a dress etc. This is you and your FI's wedding- you guys can get it done with two of you!

good luck and i hope things improve for your moh

kmmssg

You leave her as your MOH and you depend on your FI to help with the wedding.  it is his responsibility, not hers.  She sounds like she has been a great friend - please don't replace her.