NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue

freebread03

I go to a small crossfit gym (think 1200 sf) that I really enjoy-the people are great, the workouts are great, and it's relatively convenient to where I live.  Recently, a new woman started coming to the 6:30PM class I attend (this is the last class in the evening and unfortunately the only time I can make it since I try to get to work before 8 and struggle to leave by 5:20 just to make it to crossfit).  She has bad body odor--we noticed it last week when she first came, and it was really bad. It's not just a lack of deodorant--this is going to sound really gross, but it smelled like she had a gynecological issue going on and it permeated our small gym.  We were hoping it was a one time thing (i.e. forgot to wear deodorant or something) but she seemed to have the same issue going on today, though not quite as bad.

Unfortunately, she is new and none of us know her, so we're not quite sure how to bring this up. We talked to the coach today after class and it turns out she's not even a member-she just drops in a few times a week.  He said there's nothing he can do since he can'thave that kind of conversation with her--but he did say if she was a male, he'd have no problem saying something (I get it though since it would be an awkward convo for a male to have with a female).  We have no female coaches, so no options there.

It's too small of a gym to move elsewhere, and most of us go to the 6:30PM class because there's no other time we can make it.  Two options:  

1) A few of us women talk to her after class someday, and politely mention that her body odor is making us uncomfortable.  Risk: I'm afraid this will come off as b*tchy/catty and would make her feel ganged up on.

2) Wait until we see the owner's wife (she usually works out with us on Saturdays) and talk to her and see if she wouldn't mind saying something.  Risk: Owner's wife may not want to say something since it is her family's business.

This feels like a 3rd grade kind of issue, but I'd really like to hear what you ladies think the most diplomatic way of handling this might be.  It needs to be addressed, or I think some of us regulars will be looking for a new gym.

EDIT: I realize this is a gym and we don't all smell like Chanel and roses...but none of us smell bad enough to make those around us physically nauseous.

lovelybride614

I agree with PP. It's a super sensitive issue and should be handled by staff.

Kate61487

I don't envy you this situation; regardless of how you approach it it's going to be a very awkward moment and will probably leave her severly embarassed.  My only thought on the topic is that I would avoid a group talking to her at all costs.  It's going to be embarassing enough for her to have one person approach her, if a group did I'm sure she'd be totally mortified. 

[Deleted User]

Honestly, I think it's a cop-out that the coach said he couldn't because he was male. I understand him being squeamish about it, but it's not your problem. It feels like he put it back on you, since you're the girl. He works there. He can either say something or (what he should do) tell the owner and have the owner decide what to do.

ootmother2

Had the problem at work several years ago and we went to the HR head.  She talked to the woman privately but unfoortunately, it didn't help much

freebread03

I just WISH this were at work, because at least I could address it or someone from HR could address it.  This is a really small gym-there are only 3 coaches total (all male), with one of them being the owner.  Most classes are 12 people max, which makes it even more difficult.  Compounding the problem is that she isn't a member-she just drops in and pays the one-time fee when she does (whereas we all pay $175 per month and are regulars).  Sounds like the consensus is "talk to the owner" and put it in his hands.  (We'd never gang up on her, but I know I or the other girl I work out with would have to dig deep to talk to her on our own).

emeejeeayen

Not that I support this, but there's usually one chick without a filter who says, "OH GOD WHAT IS THAT SMELL???" that shuts the whole thing down fairly quickly. 

On second thought, maybe I do support this. Hire an actress to crash your class and address the issue  

pearlaqua

Can't there be a note posted in the locker room? "Please be aware that our space is small and personal hygiene is important and courteous"? It's passive, but not aggressive.

I thought the hiring an actress with no filter idea was a good one...

You could also ask if someone stepped on dog poo because the gym really smells. hint hint.  (That's a 3rd grade approach...)

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-talking-to-someone-about-hygiene-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:184ab3de-ed00-4b74-9861-4aeda5000039Post:01e4ea6a-94b5-4b5a-a52a-059c7726a590">Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Can't there be a note posted in the locker room? "Please be aware that our space is small and personal hygiene is important and courteous"? It's passive, but not aggressive. I thought the hiring an actress with no filter idea was a good one... You could also ask if someone stepped on dog poo because the gym really smells. hint hint.  (That's a 3rd grade approach...)
Posted by pearlaqua[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No locker rooms, just two bathrooms (though they do each have a shower).  When I say this is a small gym, I really mean it lol.  Not going the passive-aggressive route--if something like that would work, she would have figured out a long time ago how badly she smells.

</div>

pearlaqua

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-talking-to-someone-about-hygiene-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:184ab3de-ed00-4b74-9861-4aeda5000039Post:8125a1d6-7cf5-4906-8a89-2b4f576a2692">Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue : No locker rooms, just two bathrooms (though they do each have a shower).  When I say this is a small gym, I really mean it lol.  Not going the passive-aggressive route--if something like that would work, she would have figured out a long time ago how badly she smells.
Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

This is a horrible idea. But. What if when she is in the bathroom you and another person accidentally happen to be talking about how bad the person's smell is. When she comes out, apologize and hope you didn't offend her, but the small size of the gym makes the rank hard to ignore...

Summer2011Bride

I would not be passive-aggressive or "accidentally" have her over hear you bad-mouthing her. I am trying to put myself in her shoes and, though no solution is great, I would feel WORSE about myself if I "accidentally" overheard someone gossiping about me.

I agree with seeing if the owner's wife will talk to her one-on-one. I don't think a member should have to take this on. If she won't and you can't handle it, I would definitely just approach her individually. It will be embarrassing enough already for her.

APDSS22

Whilst talking to the owner or the owner's wife, I would definitely bring up the issue that a couple of the regular people are thinking about changing gyms over this (if a couple of you really feel this way).  If they're looking at it from a business standpoint, they could possibly alienate one woman who stinks up the gym and is not a regular member or lose a good chunk of their evening class that pay to be there more often.  Too bad they don't offer an evening "members only" class...

arco13

I definitely understand your situation. At FI and I's work they just hired a women with a serious bo issue who smells like she sleeps in a litter box on top of it, I smelled her the moment she walked in. To make matters worse, we're part-time, and share work spaces, so I have to work next to her while I'm there and smell her, and then at the shift change FI has to come sit in her desk. It's at the point where he can't wear the same pair of jeans more than once, because they still smell when he gets home.

FI talked to our boss about it, but she didn't do much more than talk to the girl about it (and I'm guessing she didn't really say much about it) and gave FI some air freshener and wipes (coworker also eats a lot of greasy food and leaves the workspace very greasy, and FI is OCD about getting his fingers greasy). And now, boss gets really testy any time FI asks for anymore wipes or air freshener.

It's honestly a no-win situation I think-it's just one of those things that no matter how you convey the problem to the person, you're never really not going to feel like an a** for doing so, but it's really hard to just deal with it, because when someone smells that bad, it's a constant and distracting problem.

Avion22

Has anyone actually tried to befriend this woman?   Is it possible she has some kind of medical issue?  You say it's not BO.  Sometimes women are pre-disposed to gynocological odor that can be affected by the food they eat (something about pH I think?), and it actually has nothing to do with hygiene.   

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-talking-to-someone-about-hygiene-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:184ab3de-ed00-4b74-9861-4aeda5000039Post:3621e935-8c3f-4c3e-b7fd-3d155366ef9e">Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue : It still ought to be addressed, though. Generally speaking, while everyone smells like something, no one should be able to clear a room with it.  The source of the odor could be an easily treatable imbalance like bacterial vaginosis or an infection like trichomonasis that needs to be treated for her health..
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

<div>I completely agree.  It would be a shame if everyone assumed this woman had poor hygiene when she actually suffers from a medical condition (that she may or may not know about and may or may not be actively treating already).</div>

myrinae

I completely empathize with you. One year, I had a student in high school that had very bad, pervasive body odor. It was  difficult for students to concentrate because it was so bad. When we had a scheduled meeting with his parents, we thought we could delicately address it. And then they came in smelling as bad as he did. When the counselor brought up the issue (God bless her), the mom replied that her son didn't see the need to shower every day and she wasn't going to force him to do so. 

Now I feel silly because my advice has nothing to do with that, but at the very least can the coach make a blanketed statement to the class explaining how you all are in close quarters and there have been some complaints? Maybe he can just remind everyone to take extra care since you are in such close proximity? 

lovefuzzies

She may not realize the she has an odor.  There really are some people who have no sense of smell and don't even consider the possibility they might smell because they don't smell it.  Until I worked with an allergist to get my allergies under control I was one of those people who coulnd't smell anything at all.  I think Liatris had a great idea about having someone with medical training speak to her privately.  If there's no one with medical training I think a staff member needs to handle it.

allychase

I will never understand people who don't realize they smell like sht. If I even START to have BO I feel self conscious immediately and find deodorant or a spray or something to fix it ASAP. When its bad enough to clear a room they HAVE to catch a whiff of it every few minutes, I mean its not hard to smell yourself. It's about personal hygiene and even if she does have an infection, she needs to take care of it and herself. I'm sorry but that's gross.

allychase

Figures I posted that right below someone who said maybe she can't smell it. But my FI has a friend with a very working sense of smell who comes over with BO so bad we have to open the door to get fresh air in and worry about the smell sticking to the furniture. Some people are just ignorant of it, and that's what I don't get.

Calypso1977

im sure she is completely unaware.  no one wants to smell bad.

there must be someone on staff who is female.  id have staff address it.

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-talking-to-someone-about-hygiene-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:184ab3de-ed00-4b74-9861-4aeda5000039Post:512e3625-1fa7-4e9a-9826-dafa7ae500cd">Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I definitely understand your situation. At FI and I's work they just hired a women with a serious bo issue who smells like she sleeps in a litter box on top of it, I smelled her the moment she walked in. To make matters worse, we're part-time, and share work spaces, so I have to work next to her while I'm there and smell her, and then at the shift change FI has to come sit in her desk. <strong>It's at the point where he can't wear the same pair of jeans more than once, because they still smell when he gets home.</strong> FI talked to our boss about it, but she didn't do much more than talk to the girl about it (and I'm guessing she didn't really say much about it) and gave FI some air freshener and wipes (coworker also eats a lot of greasy food and leaves the workspace very greasy, and FI is OCD about getting his fingers greasy). And now, boss gets really testy any time FI asks for anymore wipes or air freshener. It's honestly a no-win situation I think-it's just one of those things that no matter how you convey the problem to the person, you're never really not going to feel like an a** for doing so, but it's really hard to just deal with it, because when someone smells that bad, it's a constant and distracting problem.
Posted by arco13[/QUOTE]

That is fluucking disgusting.  I don't know if I would be able to hold my tongue.  Oh wait, I know I wouldn't.  I used to work in a small office at a construction company.  There were 4 woman total.  We had our own separate bathroom from the men.  Every. single. day. there was pee all over the toilet seat and even on the floor.  I honestly think she was standing while peeing.  I called a meeting with the other 3 and told them, I dont know who is doing it but it has to stop because it is absolutely gross.  If you "miss" the bowl, clean that shiiiit up.  I bought Lysol wipes for the bathroom and tada, problem solved.

OP, maybe you can approach her at that angle.  After class maybe your instructor (or a another brave soul) can approach the entire class as a whole and say you've noticed a fowl bodily odor recently and to please be conscientious of others in the small space. 

arco13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-talking-to-someone-about-hygiene-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:184ab3de-ed00-4b74-9861-4aeda5000039Post:640fc946-fd36-4688-b68a-204fc1c433bb">Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue : <strong> That is fluucking disgusting.  I don't know if I would be able to hold my tongue.  Oh wait, I know I wouldn't. </strong> I used to work in a small office at a construction company.  There were 4 woman total.  We had our own separate bathroom from the men.  Every. single. day. there was pee all over the toilet seat and even on the floor.  I honestly think she was standing while peeing.  I called a meeting with the other 3 and told them, I dont know who is doing it but it has to stop because it is absolutely gross.  If you "miss" the bowl, clean that shiiiit up.  I bought Lysol wipes for the bathroom and tada, problem solved. OP, maybe you can approach her at that angle.  After class maybe your instructor (or a another brave soul) can approach the entire class as a whole and say you've noticed a fowl bodily odor recently and to please be conscientious of others in the small space. 
Posted by LiLe422[/QUOTE]


Yeah, it's just tough, because our boss has a chip on her shoulder about going out of her way to employ every sob story in the district, regardless of actual skill level, so she's really sensitive to us saying anything about her. The good thing is, we graduate in less than 40 days and are lining up other jobs hopefully very soon!

I agree OP-either a group approach or having a medical professional (if you have one) speak to her might be the best option you've got.

itzMS

Okay. So I work in HR and deal with this several times a year.

I've kind of become immune to the embarassment of telling someone something, but here goes.

One person (OP, I nominate you) talks to the woman. Let's say her name is Anne.

OP: "Hey, Anne, could I talk to you privately for a moment?"
Anne agrees and the two of you step outside.
OP: "I'm not a fan of gossiping, so I wanted to speak to you directly. Several of the women in class are commenting about your body odor being offensive. I just wanted to tell you privately, so you could address it. I hope you understand"

Avion22

There's a TV Show in the UK called "Embarassing Bodies" where real people come on the show to ask the doctors embarassing medical questions about conditions they have.  I saw this episode once where a young woman came in with a symptoms that sound similar to what you are describing with the woman at your gym? 

http://www.channel4embarrassingillnesses.com/conditions/fish-odour-syndrome/

"Fish odour syndrome, otherwise known as Trimethylaminuria, is an unusual metabolic condition which means you have difficulty breaking down and digesting certain compounds found in food. Most people’s bodies don’t have a problem breaking down timethylamine (TMA) and turning it into timethylamine oxide (TMAO) but for those that do the Trimethylamine is instead disposed through your sweat, breath and urine giving off a pungent fishy aroma. Unsurprisingly it can be a tad distracting and more than a little embarrassing and the smell tends to get worse around menstruation. However, there is help at hand for sufferers with a variety of antibiotics and probiotics available that can help ease the condition. Eating a diet low in choline also helps though can be tricky; choline is found in high amounts in eggs, wheat germ and certain meats but a doctor should be able to provide you with further information."

The young woman on the show made some minor changes to her diet, and the problem virtually went away.

NYCMercedes

Put yourself in her shoes. If you were offensively smelly, would you want to know? I would! I would appreciate it if one person came up to me and told me privately that I smelled pretty bad. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Just tell her. Don't bring up that you have been discussing this with others. We all smell from time to time.

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-talking-to-someone-about-hygiene-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:184ab3de-ed00-4b74-9861-4aeda5000039Post:7eafab8e-aabc-4fd3-8868-a7a7c182e755">Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue : I don't think telling the women this is going to help. She will probably feel humiliated. I know I would, and I'd probably never set foot in that gym again.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

It is what it is. I just provided an example of how we approach it in the workplace.

If everyone tiptoes around everything that might make someone embarassed, nothing will get done.

The OP says the smell makes everyone nauseous. It's either deal with wanting to puke while you're trying to exercise, or just be frank yet courteous and address the woman.

freebread03

Thanks for all the great responses.  Sounds like the consensus is "talk to the owner/owner's wife and have them say something."  That is definitely the most apprpriate way to handle this (IMO).  I would not be surprised if it's a medical issue, and I'm almost certain she probably doesn't notice her own odor.  I just feel bad about the whole situation since it will certainly be embarassing for her, and I wouldn't want her to stop coming because she feels awkward.

Calypso1977

 I know I would, and I'd probably never set foot in that gym again.

well, that would solve the problem, at least for the other gym-users!!

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-talking-to-someone-about-hygiene-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:184ab3de-ed00-4b74-9861-4aeda5000039Post:aff13337-75fe-4351-b475-fb56d34e0350">Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay. So I work in HR and deal with this several times a year. I've kind of become immune to the embarassment of telling someone something, but here goes. One person (OP, I nominate you) talks to the woman. Let's say her name is Anne. OP: "Hey, Anne, could I talk to you privately for a moment?" Anne agrees and the two of you step outside. OP:<strong> "I'm not a fan of gossiping, so I wanted to speak to you directly. Several of the women in class are commenting about your body odor being offensive. I just wanted to tell you privately, so you could address it. I hope you understand"</strong>
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but this sounds very juvenile.  I don't think telling the woman that everyone is talking about her is an appropriate way to handle the situation.  I sure as hell hope thats not how you handle situations in the workplace, but apparently it is.

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-talking-to-someone-about-hygiene-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:184ab3de-ed00-4b74-9861-4aeda5000039Post:257466ef-c94f-436a-8e27-16453f6e8315">Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue : I'm sorry but this sounds very juvenile.  I don't think telling the woman that everyone is talking about her is an appropriate way to handle the situation.  I sure as hell hope thats not how you handle situations in the workplace, but apparently it is.
Posted by LiLe422[/QUOTE]

It's about being direct and honest with the person. I put it into words the OP could use in this situation. In the workplace it goes something like:

"You may not realize, but it has been brought to my attention that your personal hygiene is offending some coworkers."

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-talking-to-someone-about-hygiene-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:184ab3de-ed00-4b74-9861-4aeda5000039Post:543e94c3-eed4-40b0-9706-3f6fafb34dff">Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Talking to someone about hygiene issue : It's about being direct and honest with the person. I put it into words the OP could use in this situation. In the workplace it goes something like: "You may not realize, but it has been brought to my attention that your <strong>personal hygiene</strong> is offending some coworkers."
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

<div>PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not promote the assumption that this is a personal hygiene issue.   I think the woman at least deserves the benefit of the doubt that it could be medical.   </div><div>
</div><div>
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