Wedding Etiquette Forum

It's not a cash bar... but it is?

So, I know a cash bar is a no-no (I agree that I hate that) but I met with a reception venue today and with their one wedding packages, the bar will provide unlimited draft beer and house wine(8 selections I think) and soda, as well as the toasting champagne or wine. That would all be free for the guests. But they do have the bar open if the guests did want to buy something else. Is this so wrong, if we are providing alcohol? I'm not sure how this would work as far as etiquette right and wrong goes.

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Re: It's not a cash bar... but it is?

  • Have the hosted beer and wine and nix the partial cash bar. Or go for a fully hosted bar. Guests shouldn't have the option to pay. That'd be like offering carrots as a side, or asaragus for an additional fee to be paid by the guest.
  • We HAD to have a full bar available no matter what.  We didn't have the budget to pay for a fully open bar, so we hosted unlimited beer, wine, soda, coffee, tea, all night, and mixed drinks were available if the guests wanted to pay.  We tried to get it out of the contract completely, but they wouldn't budge.  Considering in my circle full cash bars or drink tickets are pretty normal, it wasn't even close to the end of the world.

    If you go based strictly on etiquette, it's not ok, and it's better to host or not have the option at all, but it just didn't work out that way for us.  I wish we could have done it differently.

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  • I agree with Mel. It's totally fine to just offer draft beer, house wine, and Champagne. That's what I did at my wedding and as far as I know it wasn't a problem.
  • We did hosted beer and wine (lots of different varieties) but did allow guests the option to pay for hard liquor or mixed drinks. We just made it known (with signs) what was hosted. My thought with it is this: I hate beer. I am very picky about the wines I like. When I go to a wedding, if those are the only options, I probably won't be able to drink if there isn't a wine that I like. I would rather have the option to pay for a mixed drink that I would enjoy rather than not drink at all. That's just my 0.02 as a picky drinker who has been in that situation before.
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  • We served wine, beer, and soda.  The venue asked if we wanted to do cash bar for the rest of the liquor.  We said no.  So, they simply didn't have it available at all.  
  • ginadogginadog member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    I don't see an issue with having it as an option.
  • Here's a link to a thread, just posted yesterday, that you actually posted in, that pretty much sums up the etiquette on ANY form of cash bar...

    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_still-tacky_.0
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  • Somebody is going to have to explain the no cash bar thing to me. I prefer to have the option to drink whether or not the bride and groom can afford it.

    I would be more upset if they made me drink wine and beer all night; I drink gin and tonic. I say leave the bar option open and let people choose what they want regardless of the financial situation. I swear, I'm sorry but it doesn't make sense to me...
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  • I think, as far as I'm concerned, it would have been nice to have had something offered the whole wedding, even if the option to buy was there. I was saying on the other post that I hated we were "allowed" 3 drink tickets and then had to pay for every other alcoholic drink.

    Like J&K said, its not a negotiable aspect of the contract. I haven't signed anything so I haven't booked yet, but I'm looking it over. I asked, but they said they can't turn down any opportunity for a profit (said in a way that didn't make them seem greedy (yeah right!))

    So I guess I'm just wondering if its the end of the world?
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  • Of course it's not the end of the world.  It's just not following good, strict etiquette.
  • mand, what's the norm in your circle, as far as bars at weddings?

    I mean, based on etiquette, it's not ok.  But if having something similar is what everyone else does, and this is THE venue otherwise, it wouldn't bother me any as a guest.  Though I know not everyone will feel that way.

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  • kimberlykhkimberlykh member
    500 Comments
    edited January 2012
    I don't think it is the worst thing in the world and I doubt anyone will be highly offended. 
    But, I still think it seems kind of tacky, sorry.  I guess I look at hosting a wedding the same way as if I'm hosting a party. And I wouldn't  have a cookout and say "hey I can only afford burgers but you can buy a steak if you'd like."  I would just serve the burgers. 
  • Not everyone carries around cash with them, especially to a function like a wedding. Some people do. So some guests will be sipping on their gin and tonics while others will look longingly at the gin and tonics.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-not-cash-bar-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:18a5952b-b2c7-4432-9f28-db090e258807Post:17ad8a61-02b0-42ad-b0e7-9fc0d8944375">Re: It's not a cash bar... but it is?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We did hosted beer and wine (lots of different varieties) but did allow guests the option to pay for hard liquor or mixed drinks. We just made it known (with signs) what was hosted. My thought with it is this: I hate beer. I am very picky about the wines I like. When I go to a wedding, if those are the only options, I probably won't be able to drink if there isn't a wine that I like. I would rather have the option to pay for a mixed drink that I would enjoy rather than not drink at all. That's just my 0.02 as a picky drinker who has been in that situation before.
    Posted by KatePlusNate04[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>As another picky drinker, I agree with this.  I know it's not proper etiquette, but it's my personal preference.</div>
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  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-not-cash-bar-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:18a5952b-b2c7-4432-9f28-db090e258807Post:077de610-5512-4239-a8c2-681590741e92">Re: It's not a cash bar... but it is?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not everyone carries around cash with them, especially to a function like a wedding. Some people do. So some guests will be sipping on their gin and tonics while others will look longingly at the gin and tonics.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    This.

    I have never carried cash to a wedding. I would be bummed if I got there and found out I couldn't have the drink I wanted because I didn't bring my wallet.

    I don't think alcohol is a complete necessity. I can enjoy a celebration just fine without booze. But if you're going to have a full bar in plain sight, it better be fully hosted.
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  • Somehow I don't equate it with food. 

    Like if it's $2 extra to get the salmon and giving the guests an option to have salmon - I just find it completely different with the drinks situation for some reason.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-not-cash-bar-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:18a5952b-b2c7-4432-9f28-db090e258807Post:a90c52bb-cc69-4f82-bb4b-de3fbace20f6">Re: It's not a cash bar... but it is?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Somehow I don't equate it with food.  Like if it's $2 extra to get the salmon and giving the guests an option to have salmon - I just find it completely different with the drinks situation for some reason.
    Posted by ginadog[/QUOTE]



    If you offer it, you pay for it. I used carrots as my example because a side dish isn't necessary- it's nice to have. Just like alcohol. Don't need it. But if you want it there, you pay for it. That's how it works when you host an event within the parameters of proper etiquette. There's nothing to get. It is what it is.
  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2012
    I'm with Mel.  And I actually am a really picky drinker too; if it was beer and wine only I'd be drinking soda.  I'd still prefer to only see whats hosted.

    If the venue "can't" take away the other beverages then I'd stress you REALLY need to make it clear to your guests upfront; whether with signs, or having the bartender inform guests about the cost as soon as they try to order.  I've been in the awkward position of having ordered a mixed drink at a wedding where they were only hosting beer and wine.  I was unaware until the drink was in front of me and the bartender was looking at me expectantly - I of course had no cash, thankfully H did. 

    ETA: in response to Eagles - I had cash in my purse, but had left my purse up in the room since I had no reason to believe I'd need it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-not-cash-bar-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:18a5952b-b2c7-4432-9f28-db090e258807Post:92c1f603-b0f3-40e2-b4e8-9c1b68f3b28b">Re: It's not a cash bar... but it is?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Somebody is going to have to explain the no cash bar thing to me. I prefer to have the option to drink whether or not the bride and groom can afford it. I would be more upset if they made me drink wine and beer all night; I drink gin and tonic. I say leave the bar option open and let people choose what they want regardless of the financial situation. I swear, I'm sorry but it doesn't make sense to me...
    Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

    Like J&K said, it may be custom in some circles to do this, but on the etiquette board you're going to get the answer for proper etiquette. Which is to host ALL or nothing. That's just what the confines of etiquette state. If, in my circle, they follow the rules of etiquette and they all host full bars (or whatever they can afford) at their weddings, then I roll in to town with my half cash bar wedding, I'm going to get the definite side eye.

    I know some people would prefer to have the option, but when I see cash bars I think of fundraisers and corporate events, not weddings.

    And drink tickets? Don't even get me started on those.
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  • Eagles. I never carry cash. I have a cell phone and an emergency credit card. I rarely need cash. 

    We only hosted beer and wine (and it was awesome local stuff that people loved). For us, the option of liquor, even a a cash bar, would have been more expensive because we would have had to add another cop in the parking lot and another bartender. Not worth it to us.

    I'd say ask them if it is an option to just host been and wine (and make sure its not natty light and barefoot) and be done with it. Host what you can but don't charge people for other stuff. 
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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited January 2012
    OP, if I were describing that kind of bar to anyone after attending a wedding, I would call it a "cash bar." I'd follow up with some sort of explanation that beer and wine were free, but people had to pay for everything else. So yeah, I'd say that IS a cash bar.
  • I would rather have beer and wine and the option to purchase mixed drinks. We went to wedding with this bar package and it worked out nicely. I drank wine most if the night and FI did beer and one or two drinks he bought.
  • Almost every wedding I have been to has had the sign "The host is providing soft drinks, beer and wine" next to the bar. The exception: My cousins that had 30,000+ weddings. The rest of us just can't afford everything! I am only having beer and wine but my guests wont have the choice of liquor because my venue has you bring in everything yourself. I wasn't about to try to stock a full bar, that's way too complicated.
  • The amount of cash you have on you might be more than other people. So it's like the host gave you 3 drink tickets and someone else 1 drink ticket. Its always good to keep cash on you for non-card times. I usually try to keep some cash on me, but for emergencies. Alcohol isn't an emergency, IMO. Breaking down and needing a tow truck... No cellphone service and having to use a pay phone... tipping the cab driver when your ride bails, etc. Those are things I'm going to save my cash for. I'm not going to bring extra cash in case there is a cash bar. It probably wouldn't even occur to me to bring extra cash in case there is some sort of paid parking lot, either. If I'm going to a hosted event, why is it wrong to assume it's, well, hosted?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_its-not-cash-bar-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:18a5952b-b2c7-4432-9f28-db090e258807Post:111ac84d-f337-4033-b6b1-f5e630bf1dfb">Re: It's not a cash bar... but it is?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The amount of cash you have on you might be more than other people. <strong>So it's like the host gave you 3 drink tickets and someone else 1 drink ticket.</strong> Its always good to keep cash on you for non-card times. I usually try to keep some cash on me, but for emergencies. Alcohol isn't an emergency, IMO. Breaking down and needing a tow truck... No cellphone service and having to use a pay phone... tipping the cab driver when your ride bails, etc. Those are things I'm going to save my cash for. I'm not going to bring extra cash in case there is a cash bar. It probably wouldn't even occur to me to bring extra cash in case there is some sort of paid parking lot, either. If I'm going to a hosted event, why is it wrong to assume it's, well, hosted?
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    This is ridiculous to me.  It's not the host's fault you didn't bring cash.

    I mean...yeah, you shouldn't HAVE to bring cash.  But if you'd be pissed off that you couldn't get a drink if there was a cash bar, then you should probably bring enough cash to get a couple drinks, just in case.

    Or, you could sit there and pout about it the whole night and talk about how rude they are.  They're rude either way, so do you want them to rude while you're drinkless, or while you have one? 

    The whole "I'm not bringing my wallet based solely on PRINCIPLE!!!" argument is baffling and asinine to me.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • I never said I wouldn't bring cash on me out of principle. I dont carry around more cash on me than I think I'll need. If you're going to host something, host it.
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  • No, you didn't say that, but others have.  The only part of my post specifically referring to your post was the first line.

    But you DID say you wouldn't bring cash for drinks.  And to that, I still say, if you're going to be that upset about not getting a drink, then you should probably plan for it.

    It doesn't make it any better that a host isn't "properly hosting" but at least you can have your damn drink, instead of whining like a petulant child about it (general you, not you specifically).

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • OP, can your guests pay with a credit card if they choose to?

    I know this isn't the ideal situation, obviously, but I can understand a venue refusing to lose that option. The bottom line that I see here is to host what you can. If that means beer and wine only, then that's fine. Your guests will get drinks if they want them and anyone who wants liquor can pay for it. I just ask about the credit card because I never ever carry cash, but I always have my debit and credit cards on me. I think it would be frustrating not to get the drink I want because the bar couldn't take a credit card. (Assuming I preferred liquor. I'd actually probably drink the wine you're hosting.)
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  • edited January 2012
    What's the setup of the bar?  Is it like a restaurant bar that's already fully stocked and can't be moved?  In that situation, if you were only hosting beer and wine but I could see whiskey behind the bar, I would much rather have the option to pay for it.  You could maybe see if the venue would cover the bar with some kind of drape or set up a smaller/portable bar in another area stocked with only what you're hosting, but if they won't do that I'm not sure what your other options would be.  I wouldn't expect you to host every single thing I can physically see, just b/c the venue refuses to cover or move it.  

    I think if the venue is setting up a separate bar with only the selections you're hosting, but they purposefully set things out that your guests would have to pay for, then of course that's rude.   
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