Wedding Etiquette Forum

Should I even care about this?

I have read and re-read this and I definitely can see how it might be confusing and completely ridiculous (not to mention I'm terrible at explaining things) but here it is: 


My mom and my fmil haven't gone shopping for their dresses yet. My fmil's mom doesn't shop (she lives on the west coast - the rest of us are on the east coast) and so my fmil bought a couple of dresses for her to try on (she shipped them to her) in order for her to pick one to wear at our wedding. This happened before we really even talked attire and before I even picked out my dress - which is not a big deal. However, both dresses are really cute and is one of the top designs in style this year. Is it ok if my mom or fmil pick dresses that look almost exactly like my fmil's mom's dress (If this hypothetical situation even happens)? I personally don't care, but I have been stressing a little b/c my mom is a control freak and is super jealous of my fmil for whatever reason. I'm wondering if the fact that she bought those dresses prior to them shopping is going to make it awkward if my mom picks a dress similar or exactly the same to the one my fmil's mom is going to wear.

Is there etiquette that I should be concerned about here? Or rather, should I even care about this? Thanks, in advance, for your perspective. 
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Re: Should I even care about this?

  • My mom has told me that the brides mother typically gets her dress first and tells the grooms mother the details so she can get something that doesn't clash. I'm not sure how true that is or where the grandmother would fit into it but it is how my mom and fmil are doing it. I have stayed out of it except that my mom wanted me to okay her dress before she ordered it. It might be good for you to let them work it out, after all, there might not even be anything to worry about
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  • Honestly i can never figure out why this is ever an issue. My mother is in poor health & has not even thought about dresses for my wedding in 3 months. My fiances mother is very large & does not have a lot of "ready" money so will wear an outfit she has. I have no problem with this, i want her to be comfortable. That means more to me than a "look". I hope your mom gets things in perspective. It is not about her. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-i-even-care-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:193ce9c7-63cc-40fa-8c8f-87e82333b26fPost:37606376-d00a-4094-829b-12113fab3a5f">Re: Should I even care about this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mom has told me that the brides mother typically gets her dress first and tells the grooms mother the details so she can get something that doesn't clash. I'm not sure how true that is or where the grandmother would fit into it but it is how my mom and fmil are doing it. I have stayed out of it except that my mom wanted me to okay her dress before she ordered it. It might be good for you to let them work it out, after all, there might not even be anything to worry about
    Posted by mtbentley[/QUOTE]

    This is really old school and basically comes from the days when the MOB planned the entire wedding and the bride and groom just showed up.  We have 4 DDs and I just think it would be disrespectful to their FMILs if I thought I was entitled to choose my dress first and then tell her what it looks like.

    OP - this is a good time to NOT get between your mom and FMIL.  Your mom's jealousy is just that - hers.  Stay out of it and don't let her suck you in.  It will be fine for your mom or fmil to get dresses close to fmil's mother's.
  • edited March 2012

    I wouldn't worry about who gets her dress first.  My fiance's mom has already chosen her dress, and my mom hasn't even looked yet.  Our wedding is this July.


    I'm sure that your moms will both choose something lovely and appropriate.

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