Is not inviting FI's family to the shower a snub?

Goldlie11

My friend wants to throw me a shower and asked me for a guest list.  I'm kind of confused about what to do about FI's family.  His mom passed away.  I've only met a few females in his family a couple of times.  So, what should I do?  

aragx6

If you're not close with them I think it's weirder to invite them than to not invite them. I prefer when showers are made up of only close friends and family.

salsamcg

Just ask him.  When I asked, my FI gave me the list of women who should be invited.  For the most part I would invite any sisters he has, and aunts for sure as they probably think of themselves as motherly types towards him.  I had 2 showers: 1 family and 1 friends.  This way you aren't just with a bunch of his family you don't know very well and you can have your family there to make you comfortable.

jessicabessica

Do they live close to you (or where you'll have the shower)?

elizabethjane25

a shower is supposed to be for your close family and friends, not for every female invited to the wedding. i don't think it's a snub if you don't invite them but i would talk to your fiance and see what he thinks.

Beachy730

Is your FI close with them?  If so then I think it's fine to invite them, but not necessary.  If he isn't close I wouldn't invite them, because I think that would be more awkward.

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-inviting-fis-family-shower-snub?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:19611c91-d2a8-4cdb-b60a-18540584a50fPost:0e0eabd4-0ed0-46ab-ab18-d8931d403387">Re: Is not inviting FI's family to the shower a snub?</a>:
[QUOTE]a shower is supposed to be for your close family and friends, not for every female invited to the wedding. i don't think it's a snub if you don't invite them but i would talk to your fiance and see what he thinks.
Posted by elizabethjane25[/QUOTE]
Agreed.  Overall, our guest list is comprised of those who are close to us and their significant others. <div>
</div><div>To answer others, fiance is fairly close to his grandparents, aunts, and cousins.  He doesn't see them a lot though because of his work hours.  </div><div>
</div><div>I'm still confused.  </div><div>
</div><div>Edit:  yes they live within the same city. </div>

Beads921

I would be inclined to invite them (at least, the ones that you've met). Especially if this is the only shower. They can always decline. 

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-inviting-fis-family-shower-snub?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:19611c91-d2a8-4cdb-b60a-18540584a50fPost:fd9cb7f8-1e8e-4687-8a1e-cdc64405e2d6">Re: Is not inviting FI's family to the shower a snub?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be inclined to invite them (at least, the ones that you've met). Especially if this is the only shower. They can always decline. 
Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]
That's what I was thinking.  Then I wasn't sure if it would look gift grabby.  

SirJuliusVonHaast

Based on the added information, I think you should invite them. 

ajroark

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-inviting-fis-family-shower-snub?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:19611c91-d2a8-4cdb-b60a-18540584a50fPost:3496607a-c7be-42b7-bdbf-aeae5df11a6b">Re: Is not inviting FI's family to the shower a snub?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're not close with them I think it's weirder to invite them than to not invite them. I prefer when showers are made up of only close friends and family.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Inviting people you're not close to or regularly communicate with looks gift-grabby to me. If I got an invitation from someone I didn't see or talk to often, I would think "She probably just wants another gift..."

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-inviting-fis-family-shower-snub?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:19611c91-d2a8-4cdb-b60a-18540584a50fPost:f085ce90-f2c1-4772-8ee4-a3e14032ab83">Re: Is not inviting FI's family to the shower a snub?</a>:
[QUOTE]Does his family usually throw showers for people getting married? I had 1 shower for my side of the family and DH's side through a shower for his side.
Posted by LindsaymR[/QUOTE]
Marriage and traditional weddings aren't common in his family.  So, we're in uncharted territory here. 

Kate61487

if you FI is close to them I would invite them; you're not going to get to know them any better if you don't spend time with them!

jess9802

Since you say your FI is close to some of these relatives but doesn't always get to see them, I would extend the invitation. You could have hurt feelings by excluding them just as easily as you could offend someone for thinking you are being gift-grabby. If they decide to attend it might be a nice way for you to get to know these relatives better

leia1979

I think in this case, it's better to invite those FI is close to and let them decline if they wish.

jessicabessica

I would invite them, given the other info that you shared.  If they are not comfortable coming, they can decline, but I think there's more good to come of inviting them than not inviting them in this case.  Good luck!

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-inviting-fis-family-shower-snub?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:19611c91-d2a8-4cdb-b60a-18540584a50fPost:f3a4ac0f-f367-48ec-bb82-623a7fa0ce25">Re: Is not inviting FI's family to the shower a snub?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is your FI close with them?  If so then I think it's fine to invite them, but not necessary.  If he isn't close I wouldn't invite them, because I think that would be more awkward.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div>