Am I crazy? I think this is really rude, but no one else seems to.

amyb140

http://dearwendy.com/columns/my-wife-isnt-invited-to-my-brothers-wedding/#comment-64625

midgetthemighty

You are not crazy. That's rude as all get out.

tpender13

CN on the article? The link is blocked by the network here at work.

amyb140

OK - thanks for the affirmation.  I know DW isn't a wedding site, but honestly she usually gives pretty decent advice!  I wanted to gag when she started on the "it's their day" crap.

July2012bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-crazy-i-think-this-is-really-rude-but-no-one-else-seems-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1961cca7-3a1d-449e-8c4e-99e4a5545564Post:03964a31-1111-4fce-a827-2725c84af71e">Re: Am I crazy? I think this is really rude, but no one else seems to.</a>:
[QUOTE]Speaking of rude, can I post a wedding website I found from 2008?  The couple has an apartment furniture PayPal fund, two registries, and three charities. <a href="http://lisa-and-todd.com/registry.html" rel="nofollow">http://lisa-and-todd.com/registry.html</a>
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]
Edie, check out their "Schedule" page.  It looks like they are "Welcoming" kids at the Ceremony but requesting adults only for the reception.  Also, they have posted an official notice of their "unofficial" after party :)

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-crazy-i-think-this-is-really-rude-but-no-one-else-seems-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1961cca7-3a1d-449e-8c4e-99e4a5545564Post:247d88be-1ff7-4309-825f-80eea12b6e83">Re: Am I crazy? I think this is really rude, but no one else seems to.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I crazy? I think this is really rude, but no one else seems to. : “My Wife Isn’t Invited to My Brother’s Wedding” I am the best man at my brother’s wedding. He is getting married at a small venue. I was told that the ceremony would be immediate family only but the reception afterwards would be at a bigger venue with family and friends. Here’s the problem: when he said “immediate family only,” he meant only me, my sisters, and our Mom and Dad. My wife is totally upset that she is not invited as are my teenage kids who are very close to him. The ceremony is at a house which is small but is this OK? I mean, shouldn’t he change the venue to a place that can at least allow us to bring our spouses? If I am wrong, so be it, but my wife doesn’t even want to go through buying a dresses and paying for travel expenses as she feels totally disrespected. What should I do? — Best Man in the Middle   I can understand why your wife would feel disrespected. I’ve always said that significant others — especially spouses!! — must be invited to weddings (with very few exceptions), but sometimes the definition of “wedding” can be flexible, and this is such a case. Yes, there will be a private ceremony where your brother and his bride will be getting married, but the reception will be much more inclusive and your wife and teenage sons are invited to that. Would it be nice if extended family — which, for your brother means his sister-in-law and nephews — were included in the actual ceremony? Yes, of course. But for whatever reason — budgetary, space, wanting more intimacy — that isn’t happening. <strong>And the fact is, you don’t really know what that reason is. Maybe your brother’s fianceée has always wanted to get married in that house where they’ll have their ceremony and there simply isn’t enough room for more than a handful of people. Maybe they’ve decided that this is a super personal moment for them and they want it to be practically private, save for the closest people they grew up with. Maybe they don’t want any kids there.</strong> As hard as it may be to understand your brother’s motives for keeping his wedding ceremony super small, for the benefit of your relationship, you need to let it go. This is his day and since he is sharing it with his larger family and friends in a way he and his fiancée are comfortable with, you — and your wife — need to try to respect that. What you can do is tell him that your wife is super disappointed not to be able to see him get married and ask if he has given some thought as to whether and how he might include his reception guests in the actual ceremony, like by sharing some kind of video or photos at the reception. You can even offer to help with that if you want. And maybe by opening up that conversation, your brother will offer an explanation as to why he’s chosen to include “immediate family only” at the ceremony — an explanation that will, hopefully, help smoothe some of your wife’s ruffled feathers. (But if not, please, please try to encourage her to put her pride and hurt feelings aside and celebrate your brother’s nuptials at the wedding reception she has been cordially invited to. It’s unlikely that they’re going to change plans now just to appease your wife, and it would certainly put a damper on family get-togethers in the future if your wife decides to sit out the wedding celebration because she felt slighted).
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I couldn't read past this part.  I was too busy throwing up.  "Maybe your brother and his FI are jackasses who think that places are more important than people - and that's okay!"  Gag.

amyb140

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-crazy-i-think-this-is-really-rude-but-no-one-else-seems-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1961cca7-3a1d-449e-8c4e-99e4a5545564Post:82461ecb-6ec0-4e9c-b104-1c0bfd846e1d">Re: Am I crazy? I think this is really rude, but no one else seems to.</a>:
[QUOTE]CN on the article? The link is blocked by the network here at work.
Posted by tpender13[/QUOTE]

<div>A guy is writing to an advice columnist because his wife is upset at not being invited to his brother's wedding.  Only immediate family (as in siblings and parents, no spouses) is invited to the ceremony and then everyone's invited to the reception.  They are traveling from somewhere far enough away that they're flying.  </div><div>
</div><div>The advice given is that she should just deal with it and be gracious and attend the reception because the groom may have his reasons for doing it that way.</div><div>
</div><div>All the commenters but me seem to agree!  I say fuuck that!</div><div>
</div><div>ETA:  Of course Edie beat me and did the smart thing and just copied and pasted it :)  I am too slow for this board!</div>

froggatt.clare

That's super rude, especially since it sounds like there is room to accommodate the wife and sons.

I really don't get the private wedding, big reception thing.  Even if you are super shy, you'll still be in the spotlight during the reception - possibly more so, since no one got to see the ceremony.

tpender13

Thanks, edie and amy. I can't believe that so many people think that's okay!

amyb140

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-crazy-i-think-this-is-really-rude-but-no-one-else-seems-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1961cca7-3a1d-449e-8c4e-99e4a5545564Post:90e9b6ce-3e8c-40c9-a2d8-6133f597306c">Re: Am I crazy? I think this is really rude, but no one else seems to.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I crazy? I think this is really rude, but no one else seems to. : Edie, check out their "Schedule" page.  It looks like they are "Welcoming" kids at the Ceremony but requesting adults only for the reception.  Also, they have posted an official notice of their "unofficial" after party :)
Posted by July2012bride[/QUOTE]
I think "unofficial gathering" means "we're not paying for this so don't think we are."  Also, does "family rehearsal dinner" mean they're not inviting others involved in the wedding?

chelseamb11

That is possibly the worst advice I've ever seen.

Simply Fated

My take on it...
The problem with this advice is that immediate family includes in-laws. Meaning, your sister-in-law should be invited with the rest of the immediate family. But Wendy doesn't seem to think so. It's all very bizarre.

amyb140

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-crazy-i-think-this-is-really-rude-but-no-one-else-seems-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1961cca7-3a1d-449e-8c4e-99e4a5545564Post:a151ea63-e910-4949-bf76-d855af1455ae">Re: Am I crazy? I think this is really rude, but no one else seems to.</a>:
[QUOTE]Amy, maybe they mean family and wedding people only?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]
Maybe, I'm not counting on it though :)

chrmun

That advice is teh suck.

jemmini6

OMG the comments on that are even worse....

If my sister were getting married, and she didn't invite my husband, my mother would be absolutely appalled and would probably stage an entire family boycott until my sister was reminded of her manners.  Same goes for H's family if I weren't invited to one of his brother's weddings. 

Ciardasully

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-i-crazy-i-think-this-is-really-rude-but-no-one-else-seems-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1961cca7-3a1d-449e-8c4e-99e4a5545564Post:03964a31-1111-4fce-a827-2725c84af71e">Re: Am I crazy? I think this is really rude, but no one else seems to.</a>:
[QUOTE]Speaking of rude, can I post a wedding website I found from 2008?  The couple has an apartment furniture PayPal fund, two registries, and three charities. <a href="http://lisa-and-todd.com/registry.html" rel="nofollow">http://lisa-and-todd.com/registry.html</a>
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

The other thing that struck me about that website is they list everyone involved with their wedding and how they met, etc. Then at the bottom they say "We'd like to thank our parents"  Granted, maybe they both come from bad homes but my parents are an important part of my wedding. 

whitsy

Bleh

stefaniewattie

At first, when I started reading, I assumed "wendy" had to be speaking sarcastically...that there was no way anyone would give that awful of advice.. but, no.. completely serious. I almost puked in my mouth a bit.
If I was that guy and his wife, NEITHER of us would be attending the wedding, or the reception.

Starqueg

I'm invited to my FI's brother's college graduation, out of state, on their parents' dime for some of it.  And this woman isn't invited to her BIL's wedding?  Wow.  Something is wrong with that picture.

B&K10+13+12

I don't know if I would be more upset with the rude B&G, or my H for actually scratching his head wondering what to do.  Seriously, if someone in my family invited me to their wedding and said my H was not invited to their super special ceremony then I would for sure decline.  That is so flippin' rude!

myname1234

the first 2 things I learned on this board is
1.  you don't split social units
2.  you don't do tiered parties.

This is beyong rude.

Might as well except a cash bar, head table and a dollar dance too.