What is she thinking?

BustedBeauty

I wasn't sure where to post this, or how to go about bringing up the subject, but I have a concern.  Maybe I shouldn't, but what is this girl thinking?
I got engaged in May, and my FI and I decided on a 2 year engagement so we could save up some money.
I went to visit a friend, and some of my FI's acquaintances were there.  One girl, 19 years old, who has been with her bf a whopping 3 months started questioning me on my wedding.

After the great inquisition she said that her BF had taken her to look at rings, and then proceeded to tell me that she had her eye on the exact dress I am getting, wanted the same colors (sage and khacki), wanted the same overall feel, and she was now going to plan it for 3 weeks before my wedding.  I refuse to speak to her about a single other detail for fear that she will jump on those too.  I mean, don't get me wrong, brides use ideas from eachother ALL THE TIME and I am planning 2 weddings plus mine and there are overlapping ideas, but come on, every major detail?

What on earth?  She doesn't even have a ring, and she is trying to sabotage my wedding.  Should I talk to her about it?  Should I just let it be and see if things fizzle out with her and her bf?  Idk what to do.  I am so frustrated and have waited 27 years to be the blushing bride and now this girl is hopping in and trying to seal my thunder

I mean worst case scenerio I will have to be more fabulous than her and make sure to get our invites out to mutual friends before she does but man oh man!!!::grumble::grumble::

Summer2011Bride

I would honestly not worry about it. First, it's still two years away. Second, she isn't even engaged yet and by that time, may not even be with this guy anymore. She sounds immature and like she wanted to get a rise out of you for whatever reason.

If you're around her frequently, stop giving wedding details, but again, I really think her "threats" of doing the same wedding as you are empty.

willywally5

Just quit talking weddings with her. I'm guessing she's just dreaming at this point.

jenjlgsings

I have a friend that actually is engaged and started talking about some of the same details and plans that I had already established.  I simply stopped talking to her about wedding details.  If she asks, I change the subject or just say "I'm not sure yet"

I think a lot of times people don't think about how picking the same or similar ideas, dates, etc might make people upset.

brilibby4

It honestly doesn't sound like she is trying to "sabotage" your wedding at all.  It sounds like maybe she likes your ideas though.  Try not to worry about it.  Your wedding is two YEARS away.  You really don't think any of your (or her) ideas/plans will change over that time period?  Simply don't talk wedding details with her in the future if you don't want her to know them. 

Also, it is rude to judge how long she has been dating her boyfriend.  My husband and I knew we wanted to get married very shortly after the start of our relationship.  This is way more common than you think and there isn't anything wrong with that. 

ahhhitsshannyn

Also, you say this is just an acquaintance. I doubt you guys would have any overlap in your guest list so I'm not really sure how your wedding will be "sabotaged" by having someone in the world with a few similar details. Just get over it, it might not even happen anyway.

amymaysa

I think it's weird that your FI hangs around with 19 year olds when you are are in your late 20's (I'm assuming he's around your age), but that's just me.

Just do as PPs have suggested and stop talking weddings and judging. A lot can happen between now and then.

kikirst33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-she-thinking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:199b5540-2515-471f-ba6b-34cabea012f9Post:1cd51782-f1da-4d05-b344-59116d55d83e">Re: What is she thinking?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would take this as imitation as a form of flattery. Quit talking details with her and she won't know what to copy from you.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

<div>Or you can tell her that you've made changes to your colors and you have decided on orange, puce and magenta which will match with your camo gown.</div><div>
</div><div>Kidding... (well, maybe not so much).</div><div>
</div><div>I learned early on that it was best not to share details. It's fun to talk about it but it can rais more issues with friends and family.</div>

BustedBeauty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-she-thinking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:199b5540-2515-471f-ba6b-34cabea012f9Post:1d5a4e0b-9ae0-40f8-8f7c-f412fcdd56aa">Re:What is she thinking?</a>:
[QUOTE]After reading all that, the thing I found most shocking is that you're 27. Had you have not mentioned your age, I would have guessed it at about 19.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

Thanks for your support... talk about not judging...sheesh.

wrigleyville

Until she actually has a ring and has actually booked a venue three weeks ahead of your date, I wouldn't worry about any of this. Not one bit. Stop sharing ideas with her and keep your distance. I think she's trying to get your goat, and it worked.

If, by some miracle, she does get engaged and does book something three weeks ahead of yours, don't worry about the invitations. You both get one day, not an entire month. I'm not sure why you'd want to "beat" her by sending yours out way too early. It's not like whoever sends them out first wins the most guests or something. It's a wedding, not a contest.

Also, "sabotage" is a bit dramatic. You don't have a copyright on the colors sage and khaki. Just let it go and stop sharing stuff with her. She's being immature and roping you right in.

BustedBeauty

I posted under "eitquette" becuase I didn't know where else to post.  And while sabotage may be a strong word, it is the word that first came to mind to convey my frustration.
I have spend a lot of time tweaking and searching and planning the wedding, and it is just very frustrating that a person would be so comfortable doing what she is doing.  I never once claimed to have copyrights over my colors or details, or venue, or dress, or anything, .  We do have quite a few friends in common as she hangs out with a lot of the same people as my FI, so my concern is that if our mutual guests go to her wedding, they will not be able to come to ours as they are both weddings that would require guests to travel.  I know that I would not be able to afford that.

I came here looking for support and a little guidance because I didn't want to stir up any drama in our group of friends.  I thought it would be easier to seek outside advice than for this to make it through the grapevine and cause some completely unnecessary drama.

I feel like crap after most of these responses, and it really makes me remember why I don't use message boards frequently.

I am not looking to be coddled or anything, but the general consensus here seems to be that I am a drama queen, when in reality, I am far from it.

All in all, I appreciate the input, thank you all for your opinions, and I wish you the best of luck in your journies. 

wrigleyville

Your tone made it seem really dramatic. You kind of came in guns a-blazing. If you had said, "Hey guys. There's this girl, not even engaged yet, who says she's going to copy my wedding and have it three weeks before mine. What should I do?" - that's much calmer and open to advice.

Picture it like walking into a restaurant and shrieking about your horrible day versus approaching people at a bar and saying, "Hey, what's up? Anyone want to answer a question?" The first one is going to make people go, "Hey. Whoa. Settle."

KWIM?

ahhhitsshannyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-she-thinking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:199b5540-2515-471f-ba6b-34cabea012f9Post:b5722bd9-c6a6-49ca-8223-01871cf51273">Re: What is she thinking?</a>:
[QUOTE]I posted under "eitquette" becuase I didn't know where else to post.  And while sabotage may be a strong word, it is the word that first came to mind to convey my frustration. I have spend a lot of time tweaking and searching and planning the wedding, and it is just very frustrating that a person would be so comfortable doing what she is doing.  I never once claimed to have copyrights over my colors or details, or venue, or dress, or anything, .  We do have quite a few friends in common as she hangs out with a lot of the same people as my FI, so my concern is that if our mutual guests go to her wedding, they will not be able to come to ours as they are both weddings that would require guests to travel.  I know that I would not be able to afford that. I came here looking for support and a little guidance because I didn't want to stir up any drama in our group of friends. <strong> I thought it would be easier to seek outside advice than for this</strong> to make it through the grapevine and cause some completely unnecessary drama. <strong>I feel like crap after most of these responses, and it really makes me remember why I don't use message boards frequently</strong>. I am not looking to be coddled or anything, but the general consensus here seems to be that I am a drama queen, when in reality, I am far from it. All in all, I appreciate the input, thank you all for your opinions, and I wish you the best of luck in your journies. 
Posted by BustedBeauty[/QUOTE]

First of all, you DID get advice from outsiders point of view, and everyone told you to just not worry about it. Secondly, no one tried to make you feel like crap, but maybe you shouldn't be thinking "oh mean message boards" and maybe start thinking "Oh, I guess I was wrong to worry about this girl."

Lisa50

She's 19.  She'll change her mind by the time she's on to her next boyfriend.  Let it go.

cscheela

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-is-she-thinking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:199b5540-2515-471f-ba6b-34cabea012f9Post:8dbef606-b44d-4660-a317-534099d11aae">What is she thinking?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wasn't sure where to post this, or how to go about bringing up the subject, but I have a concern.  Maybe I shouldn't, but what is this girl thinking? I got engaged in May, and my FI and I decided on a 2 year engagement so we could save up some money. I went to visit a friend, and some of my FI's acquaintances were there.  One girl, 19 years old, who has been with her bf a whopping 3 months started questioning me on my wedding. After the great inquisition she said that her BF had taken her to look at rings, and then proceeded to tell me that she had her eye on the exact dress I am getting, wanted the same colors (sage and khacki), wanted the same overall feel, and she was now going to plan it for 3 weeks before my wedding.  I refuse to speak to her about a single other detail for fear that she will jump on those too.  I mean, don't get me wrong, brides use ideas from eachother ALL THE TIME and I am planning 2 weddings plus mine and there are overlapping ideas, but come on, every major detail? What on earth?  She doesn't even have a ring, and she is trying to sabotage my wedding.  Should I talk to her about it?  Should I just let it be and see if things fizzle out with her and her bf?  Idk what to do.  I am so frustrated and have waited 27 years to be the blushing bride and now this girl is hopping in and trying to seal my thunder I mean worst case scenerio I will have to be more fabulous than her and make sure to get our invites out to mutual friends before she does but man oh man!!!::grumble::grumble::
Posted by BustedBeauty[/QUOTE]

Sounds like she is clingy and <em><u>jealous </u></em>and wants her guy to propose to her

cbbgtownlovers

This girl has her own issues obv, but you seriously need to chill about this whole thing.  Your wedding is 2 years away, frankly you shouldn't expect all the plans you're making to still be exactly what you want when the time comes that you actually should be making plans anyway.  You should probably chill on the whole wedding planning thing for a bit.  If something as ridiculous as what this not-engaged girl is saying to you is already making you this stressed out, you're going to be absolutely nuts by the time the wedding rolls around. Relax; she's immature, YOU be the adult.