Wedding Etiquette Forum

Kids at Ceremony but not Dinner?

I am having a VERY small wedding - 13 guests, all immediate family. There are 4 kids, ages 15 months - 9 years. I want them to be included in the ceremony, but I'd like to keep the dinner afterward adults-only. 

The whole thing is taking place at a private home, so we were planning on bringing in a babysitter to usher the kids away around dinner time to eat on their own and watch movies until bedtime while the adults make merry. 

Is this okay? And how do I tell my future husband's cousin that his 9 year-old stepson won't have a seat at the table but he's welcome to come to the ceremony? 

Awkward... Help! Thank you!

Re: Kids at Ceremony but not Dinner?

  • I think if this is at someone's home it's pretty casual.  If you have a babysitter I think the parents will get the hint and the kids will go off to do something more exciting.  They're not going to want to hang out with adults.  
  • danz9danz9 member
    10 Comments
    I think if you offer up the babysitter the parents will prolly be happy to have some adult time. I plan on doing the same, bringing in a bunch of the teenaged gals in my community to babysit in one of the rooms in my local hall.

    I would approach it personally, call or sit down with the parents and say "this is what i am thinking, how do you feel about it?"
  • You really shouldn't invite anyone to one part of the wedding and not another part.  You can have a kids table and separate activities for the kids, but the parents of the 15 month old might not want a random babysitter in charge of the kid for the whole night.  
    It sounds like you're only inviting the people closest to you and your FI.  Why don't you talk with them to see how they feel about your plan?
  • I agree with MilkDuds. If you want to offer a babysitter, great, but discuss with the parents. You can't really tell them the kids aren't invited to dinner at all if they are invited to ceremony.
  • I'm with mica.

    Also, if it feels awkward, that usually means you should think twice about doing it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-ceremony-but-not-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:19c21d1d-a193-4f5c-83b2-4f9f23c5bee0Post:bf8d89f5-5a47-4302-8e95-5c66f3897f99">Re: Kids at Ceremony but not Dinner?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends who owns the home where your wedding is being held. If the home owner is the parent of those kids, I don't think you can tell them their kids can't eat dinner in their own home.<strong> My feeling is the kids should be invited to everything (ceremony and full reception) or nothing.   Just because they are kids doesn't mean a tiered invite is acceptable.</strong>
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this. </div>
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  • I don't get how you can segregate the kids with such a small, intimate gathering. What is the big deal? I think a kids table is a great idea, but beyond that considering the setting and intimacy of your wedding it would seem quite odd to me to hand my kids off to a babysitter for a crowd that's about the same size as a large family dinner. And there are only 4 of them.

    Have you talked to the parents about what their thoughts are?
  • If its immediate family, don't you want the kids to be there anyway, i.e. don't you enjoy their company?   I'm assuming that since its immediate family, you're close with most of the kids that'll be there. I could be wrong.  And realistically, kids will be drawn to each other doing kid things.  So have (like PP said) kids activities, board games, play games ready for them. 
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