To do...Or not to do a dollar dance?!

peachbaby4008

My mother-in-law wants us to do a dollar dance. I have been to many weddings where there has always been a dollar dance, so its not un-common. But I feel really bad for doing one. Plus on top of it, we are only paying for a keg of beer so the rest will be cash bar. I feel like because we are doing cash bar and expecting guests to pay for some drinks that it wouldnt be appropriate. What do you think?

mkrupar

Ok, I find it more rude that you're having a cash bar than considering doing a dollar dance. I can look past a dollar dance (even though I don't believe people should open their wallets at your wedding) because you've said it's the norm in your circle.

The cash bar thing? No, I don't like it. Rework the budget and try to host something for the entire evening. Beer and wine, maybe a signature drink.

You will find people on here who would rather have a cash bar than no bar, but I implore you to figure out a way to make hosted work for the whole event.

The way I look at it is I can opt out of the dollar dance (and probably side eye you in the mean times) but if I want a drink I'd be forced to pay.

A little more thinking on both these issues probably needs to be done.

Good Luck!

peanutty2

I'm actually the opposite of mkrupar, i could forgive a cash bar but absolutely not a dollar dance.   Granted, they are teh norm where you are (and sometimes cash bars are too), but if you don't even feel comfortable with it then I say just tell FMIL your not comfortable with it and don't do it.

[Deleted User]

Have you been to a cash bar in Philadelphia peanutty?  I didn't think it happened here, huh.  

Anyway, if you are not comfortable with the dance don't do it end of story.  Your FMIL had her wedding now it's yours.  

StacyJenniges

I think if you are not comfortable doing a dollar dance then you shouldn't do it.   Just as a side note to the OP where I come from it is the norm to do both a cash bar and the dollar dance. 

Birdie1483

I agree that if you aren't comfortable doing a dollar dance then don't do one. They're common where I'm from, but I'm not comfortable dancing with that many people so we're not going to do it.

dannie134

I was in a somewhat similar position to yours, my husband's family was suggesting we should do a dollar dance.  I ended up taking it off our schedule, and I don't think they even noticed, certainly no one came up and said "but why didn't you do a dollar dance?"

Ultimately, it is your wedding and not hers, and if you feel uncomfortable with it you should proably skip it.  She should understand that and not try to pressure you into including it.

I agree with PP about the cash bar, if you can afford to host beer & wine only I would do that rather than have a cash bar if possible.

cbratthauer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_door-not-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:19d434f5-ca9b-4ef4-a77f-5d766134d537Post:bcbd6f1a-03f2-4fc1-8683-67a163a8e4c9">Re: To do...Or not to do a dollar dance?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if you are not comfortable doing a dollar dance then you shouldn't do it.   Just as a side note to the OP where I come from it is the norm to do both a cash bar and the dollar dance. 
Posted by StacyJenniges[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. It is also normal here to do cash bar and dollar dance. We are providing beer. soda, and wine but having cash bar for liquor because we know a lot of people who prefer liquor over anything else. We are also doing the dollar dance because in both of our families it is normal. But I'm very comfortable around both of our families and since everybody else in our family has done one it doesn't make me uncomfortable to do one. If it doesn't make you comfortable, then don't do one. You could always just politely explain that it doesn't make you comfortable, like other people said, nobody will even notice if you don't have one.

peanutty2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_door-not-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:19d434f5-ca9b-4ef4-a77f-5d766134d537Post:0e4811ba-0669-451a-9964-728d7d2ab358">Re: To do...Or not to do a dollar dance?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you been to a cash bar in Philadelphia peanutty?  I didn't think it happened here, huh.   Anyway, if you are not comfortable with the dance don't do it end of story.  Your FMIL had her wedding now it's yours.  
Posted by NCV2[/QUOTE]
No, definately not around these parts!  I've only even heard of a cash bar at a wedding through TK.  We're just hosting beer/wine/sangria at our wedding.  The weddings I've been to around here have all cost twice what I can afford and have full top shelf open bars all night long so I feel bad enough doing this lol

thesequel

No...definitely not.  

Also host a limited bar rather than a cash bar.  Look for other ways to save.  I went to one wedding where the bride spent $6,000 on a dress (she bragged about it when she got drunk) and then had a cash bar for everyone but her and the groom.  It was really tacky.

katieisawesome

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_door-not-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:19d434f5-ca9b-4ef4-a77f-5d766134d537Post:37847b4f-0553-4bfe-8c1e-97e10bbc0adb">Re: To do...Or not to do a dollar dance?!</a>:
[QUOTE]No...definitely not.   Also host a limited bar rather than a cash bar.  Look for other ways to save.  I went to one wedding where the bride spent $6,000 on a dress (she bragged about it when she got drunk) and then had a cash bar for everyone but her and the groom.  It was really tacky.
Posted by thesequel[/QUOTE]

<div>Passionately this.  People get their priorities so screwed up with weddings.  It's a dinner party people - provide the food, the booze, and the entertainment.  No one cares about anything else - centerpieces, escort cards, flowers, favors - all the crap people stress out over is meaningless.</div><div>
</div><div>Giving your guests a waste of money wedding favor is not going to make them happy.  Giving them a nice meal and a couple of drinks and some good music will.</div>

Karen's MOH

I would rather you do the dollar dance and put the money towards the open bar!

But actually, I've never been to a wedding with either a dollar dance or a cash bar. I'd be a lot more upset about a cash bar though.

whiterabbit5

I definitely wouldn't do the dollar dance, but if it's common in your social circle then that's a decision you and your FI will have to make.

In regards to a cash bar, my FI and I are doing a cash bar with an open bar for cocktail hour, a champagne toast, and then wine serivice with dinner.  Non-alcoholic drinks are free and so is coffee service.  We are hosting what we can afford.  I would stick with that route.  

J&K10910

Dollar dances are common in my circle but we chose not to do one.  We had several people ask us when it was going to be, and someone even requested to the DJ that he announce one anyway.  We're still glad we didn't do one, because we just weren't comfortable with it.  So if you're not comfortable with it, don't do it.

jemmini6

My rule of thumb for stuff like this is, if you have to ask, then you have your answer.  Obviously you are uncomfortable with this, so just don't do it.

Cash bars & dollar dances are common here too, but I'm not comfortable dancing with everyone, so I'm not doing one.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_door-not-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:19d434f5-ca9b-4ef4-a77f-5d766134d537Post:37847b4f-0553-4bfe-8c1e-97e10bbc0adb">Re: To do...Or not to do a dollar dance?!</a>:
[QUOTE]No...definitely not.   Also host a limited bar rather than a cash bar.  Look for other ways to save.  I went to one wedding where the bride spent $6,000 on a dress (she bragged about it when she got drunk) and then had a cash bar for everyone but her and the groom.  It was really tacky.
Posted by thesequel[/QUOTE]

This is the only situation where I majorly side-eye a cash bar.  Do you guys remember that one post where the girl was spending like $10K on her dress, $1800 on invites, $5K on flowers and then only doing an hour of a hosted bar?  That kind of crap is just plain ridiculous.

But if they spent their budget proportionally and reasonably, I don't mind a cash bar.  Obviously I'd rather attend a hosted bar, but if I could tell they did the best they could with what they had, then I don't care at all.  (I'd much rather attend a cash bar wedding than a dry one)

VMHR2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_door-not-dollar-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:19d434f5-ca9b-4ef4-a77f-5d766134d537Post:ec089441-fe19-40f4-9787-458f291a47da">Re: To do...Or not to do a dollar dance?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I We are hosting what we can afford.  I would stick with that route.  
Posted by whiterabbit5[/QUOTE]

Thank You!!! I get so irritated with people acting like the worst thing you can do is have a cash bar.  I know my friends and I'm telling you they'd rather have a cash bar than a dry wedding.  We're providing, as suggested, what we can afford: 2 kegs and 2 hours of a signature drink.  The rest is cash.  And if you need to offer a partial cash bar to keep everyone you want on the guest list, GO FOR IT! I personally decided I'd rather have a partial cash bar for all my friends than pay for a few to get drunk.

<strong>Now, as to your real question I have a unique approach.</strong>  My FI wanted a dollar dance out of tradition, they do at every family wedding.  So we're having a dollar dance.  BUT, our DJ makes paper 'dollar' forms with blanks on them for advice for the bride/groom that they put on the tables before the dollar dance.  That way people have a way to participate, suggested by the hosts, without having to put out money.  That's the biggest thing that made me okay with the dollar dance.  Just an idea!

kat22885

For me, I'd side-eye the dollar dance (because yes, I think it's greedy. And yes, it's common in my family to do it.) And I'd be perfectly fine with a cash bar if that's all you could afford.  BUT I also usually only have a 1 glass of wine when I'm out at a wedding anyway, open bar or not.

Em72653

I went to a wedding once where they did the dollar dance. I thought it was tacky but I was in PA and heard it was popular out there (FI is from PA, he said it himself). Anyway, things got realllllllllly awkward when everyone noticed there was a LONG line to dance with the G and a short line of about 3 men to dance with the B. I made FI dance with her because she looked upset. FI and I both agreed we would not have the dollar dance after that experience.

shimmer193

I like VMHR2011's answer about collecting advice instead of money. That's a great idea!

We're considering doing a dollar dance, but the money would go to a charity that my pastor runs, and quite a few people at the wedding are already invested in. So you could do that - find a charity that really represents both of you and make sure that's announced before the dance.

jenjenaz

i don't know....i just find the whole idea tacky.