Wedding Etiquette Forum

I Owe You All So Many Thanks!

Sorry in advance for the book...I guess before I really started to read these boards, there were some etiquette things that I didn't fully understand.  Before, I didn't really separate SOs versus Plus One's in my head.  This is going to sound awful, but up until recently, we only had SOs on our guest list f we knew them.  Isn't that horrible?  I never thought anything of it because it's something that wouldn't have bothered me.  I know better now.

Over the past few months, as I read more and more, I began to feel REALLY uneasy about not inviting SOs.  Like, losing sleep uneasy.  My FI and I agreed that we had to find a way to add them to our list.  We didn't send STDs, but we had asked around for people's addresses, so we couldn't take anybody off the list.  Our venue can accomodate the extra people, but my mom is paying for the reception.  I didn't feel right about adding another 10 or so people to the number we already agreed upon.  That's not fair to her.  I thought about adding them, and not telling her, because she probably wouldn't notice.  But then I thought of the responses I would get if I said that on this board, and you'd all tell me to tell her and not go behind her back, which is right.

We felt a little stuck, but came up with a plan.  I approached my mom just a few minutes ago, and told her about how we goofed.  I told her that the SOs didn't even cross our minds because we've never met them, and that it's not right to exclude them.  She agreed.  I told her that for every person we had to add, that my FI and I would cover the costs.  My mom thought that was a wonderful idea, and I can't tell you how relieved I am.  

So, I really wanted to thank all of you for your advice.  Even though I never asked about this directly, I do a ton of lurking, and I've learned so much.  I love reading all your responses and seeing all the different sides of a topic.  I can't tell you how helpful it's been throughout the planning process.  I feel welcome on these boards, and it's very comforting during this sometimes-stressful time!  Thank you all SO much!  I'm so happy about my decision with the SOs, and I never would have come to that if it wasn't for you!  :)

Re: I Owe You All So Many Thanks!

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    You in particular have great advice Stage!  I always look forward to hearing what you have to say!  
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    Yeah seconded. These boards are such a great resource. It's so nice to be able to get unbiased advice from people who've done the wedding thing already. This is especially awesome for me, because I've only ever been to two weddings in my life and would never have known a zillion things about how to plan my own from those experiences!
    White Knot Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    Congrats!  I felt the same way about my wedding, and the advice I got here for it.  Thank you for coming back and updating us!
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten



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    Good for you WifeKitty14! I agree with you wholeheartedly, before I came here I literally had no clue about wedding etiquette. After posting too soon, and rightfully getting my !ss chewed out, I stuck around and learned. Now I feel so much better about what to plan because I know we'll have etiquette on our side! And yes, Stage is awesome. Her advice is always great and she's a nerd like my FI is so whenever I have a question that pertains to comic books, conventions, etc. I post and cross my fingers that she'll answer!
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    Glad we could help. 

    See, us old married hags  aren't all that bad.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I appreciate all of you as well, I've lurked here for a while and WOW! I can't believe how much I didn't (and still don't) understand. I've read some dramatic posts from ladies who can not take y'all's advice and its hilarious, thanks for your wisdom!
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