Sometimes I hate people

Beachy730

My SIL just had a baby like a week and a half ago.  She tried BFing but wasn't producing milk so she is formula feeding.  She just told me she is getting horribly dirty looks when she pulls out formula.  

Seriously, people can go fvck themselves.  A brand new mom is trying to feed her kid.  GTF over it.  

MyUserName1

That's fucking ridiculous.  I mean okay, breast is best, but formula is hardly child abuse.

NicoleSahara

Yeah, people suck. My mom couldn't produce enough milk so she had to supplement with formula too. I don't get why that's anyone's concern but the mother's.

MyUserName1

There's dozens of reasons why someone would have to bottle feed.  adoption, breast cancer, severe allergies. 

mari0225

That's truly awful that she's getting ugly looks, she's trying to feed her kid for crying out loud.

mari0225

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:fbd8e64e-6377-402e-a385-97d2d2bb7d1e">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, people suck. :( My mom couldn't produce enough milk so she had to supplement with formula too. I don't get why that's anyone's concern but the mother's.
Posted by NicoleSahara[/QUOTE]

Because of my paraylsis I wasn't able to breast feed so I was forumla fed, I survived. That's no one's business but the parents of the child.

annie912

But the thing is, she would get dirty looks if she was breastfeeding, too. Heaven forbid the child get hungry in a public place. That's one of those things that you're damned either way.

baystateapple

I really wonder how our entire generation survived, considering that, in the 80s, formula feeding was so popular.  I mean, since formula is the devil's milk and all that.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:55652a59-b67b-4aa1-8a94-3e7732110356">Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]My SIL just had a baby like a week and a half ago.  She tried BFing but wasn't producing milk so she is formula feeding.  She just told me <strong>she is getting horribly dirty looks when she pulls out formula.</strong>   Seriously, people can go fvck themselves.  A brand new mom is trying to feed her kid.  GTF over it.  
Posted by Beachy730[/QUOTE]

You know she would probably get dirty looks if she breastfed in public too.  You can't win for trying.

People can be incredibly mean and inconsiderate.  I hate the fact that people think the world revolves around them and that everyone should conform to their standards.

Tell your sister that next time someone gives her a dirty look for trying to feed her kid with formula to have ask "What? Do you have a problem with me feeing my child?  I didn't realize providing my baby with the nutrition he/she needs is so wrong."

Beachy730

This is the main reason why I can't stand pro-BF freaks.  It's one thing to promote BF.  But don't judge anyone for using formula because you don't have the slightest idea why they are using it, and then you just make them feel like a horrible mom when they are just doing what they can. 

Habs2Hart

As long as the bottle doesn't say Smirnoff on it, I don't get the big deal.  I mean, baby food is baby food.  That's just brutal.

I have one too!

So a few weekends ago we were all pumped because we got hit on at the bar by a pretty hot NHL player.  He was trying to dance with my and I said no, I'm married.  He was all "so you can't dance with me because you are married?"  Nope, I don't want to, because if H was dancing with some chick, I wouldn't be happy, so the same courtesy applies. 

Anyway, he was all chatting us up.  If your H's never tell you this, you are so beautiful" crap like that.

Watched the NHL awards the other night.  He was there... with his wife.  Scumbag. 

adamar15

Well, she should OBVIOUSLY just produce more milk.  Duh.  I would be unpleasant, to say the least, if I was in her shoes.  People can fuuck right off.

wadingmoose

I'm gonna be honest.  As long as I figure I don't belong in a woman's uterus (pro choice) I don't belong in her bra either.

annie912

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:71a4db05-c025-4b20-ba2a-b23bde1604f5">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]This is the main reason why I can't stand pro-BF freaks.  It's one thing to promote BF.  But don't judge anyone for using formula because you don't have the slightest idea why they are using it, and then you just make them feel like a horrible mom when they are just doing what they can. 
Posted by Beachy730[/QUOTE]

It's like that with any parenting-type thing, though. If I'm doing it, it must be the right thing and the only way to truly raise a child. If you don't have professional pictures taken every month, you're a horrible parent who's missing out on documenting your child's growth. If you don't sign them up for preschool French classes, you're hindering their ability to learn foreign languages when they get older. If you don't let them sleep in bed with you, you're fostering feelings of abadonment that they will need years of therapy to undo. How about you raise your kids the way you think is best, and I do the same with mine?

For the record, I have no kids and am acquiring two step sons. Not an expert by any means, but I've been around kids enough to know that every situation is different and a lot of the things people get up in arms about rarely make a difference in the grand scheme of things.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

But if she was breastfeeding, everyone would give her dirty looks and say "put that thing away no one needs to see it."

And so, the world can collectively fuckthemselves.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:7099cd0c-0698-4116-a0da-272af7ebb69b">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]But if she was breastfeeding, everyone would give her dirty looks and say "put that thing away no one needs to see it." And so, the world can collectively fuckthemselves.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
Clearly, the answer is breast milk in the bottle. 

...I think.

I have a feeling that would garner some dirty looks too.

mari0225

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:90324b1a-9ce6-46f5-8ba8-e186f0595e25">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sometimes I hate people : Clearly, the answer is breast milk in the bottle.  ...I think. I have a feeling that would garner some dirty looks too.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

It would because people would assume it was formula, people suck.

eorea

In Response to Re:Sometimes I hate people:[QUOTE]There's dozens of reasons why someone would have to bottle feed.nbsp; adoption, breast cancer, severe allergies.nbsp; Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

Yup or she could just not want to. It isn't anyone's business.

I really hate that mothers feel they need to explain why they don't breastfeed. You need a legit reason or you are a terrible mom.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:90324b1a-9ce6-46f5-8ba8-e186f0595e25">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sometimes I hate people : Clearly, the answer is breast milk in the bottle.  ...I think. I have a feeling that would garner some dirty looks too.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

Well, duh.  Because then you would be hurting that bond that is created by actually nursing.

I agree, you can never win, and clearly the answer is never to feed your baby in public. 

And yes, I agree it happens a lot with raising a child.  I just feel like anymore BF is a huge hot topic.

annie912

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:06c953fa-c430-4802-b978-b0a005e6d0eb">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sometimes I hate people : It would because people would assume it was formula, people suck.
Posted by mari0225[/QUOTE]

You'd have to wear a tshirt that say something like "look in the bottle" over the chest to make it clear where it came from?

Gabrielle76

Only something like fifteen percent of mothers actually breast fed past a few weeks in the 50's (or something like that), and everyone was fine.  It shouldn't matter if her whole reason for not breast feeding was wanting to avoid any stretching, it's no one else's business.

annie912

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:c50f0c13-db32-4ee8-9722-6521e6f7533d">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sometimes I hate people : Well, duh.  Because then you would be hurting that bond that is created by actually nursing. I agree, you can never win, and clearly the answer is never to feed your baby in public.  And yes, I agree it happens a lot with raising a child.  I just feel like anymore BF is a huge hot topic.
Posted by Beachy730[/QUOTE]

At the risk of over analyzing, I think it gets to be such a hot topic because it's so tied in with a "woman's identity as a mother." Other than actually giving birth, it's the most personal parenting task, if that makes any sense. I think people on both sides tend to use that to make women feel guilty for their choice - it really is a no-win.

angelstar975

I don't plan to breast feed. I just don't want to. I'm sure I'm going to get all sorts of judged for it, but whatever. My boobs, my decision. I was formula fed and I turned out just fine, so I have trouble buying into all the hype. Yeah, maybe breast is best, but formula has come a long way as well. It's ridiculous that people think it's any of their business what another woman chooses to feed her child.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:cd5990c7-8b3d-47b5-afcf-51f3b07e1a27">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sometimes I hate people : At the risk of over analyzing, I think it gets to be such a hot topic because it's so tied in with a "woman's identity as a mother." Other than actually giving birth, it's the most personal parenting task, if that makes any sense. I think people on both sides tend to use that to make women feel guilty for their choice - it really is a no-win.
Posted by annie912[/QUOTE]

I actually think it comes down to women just being ridiculous.  We judge.  We judge a LOT.  We judge anything that's different than what we would do and we do it verbally with gossip.  And we do it with nasty looks.

So at the end of the day, there isn't really a lot of support outside of your own circle.  And even that can be bitter and viscious depending on the group.

Beachy730

Angel I pretty much had the same opinion, and have now figured I will probably at least pump.  But I don't have any desire to actually nurse. 

I don't mean for this to be a BF debate, again.  I'm just infuriated by the growing level of intolerance in this country. 

aragx6

I feel like, as soon as I have a baby, I'm going to end up punching a lot of people.

mbuckley85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:7099cd0c-0698-4116-a0da-272af7ebb69b">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]But if she was breastfeeding, everyone would give her dirty looks and say "put that thing away no one needs to see it." And so, the world can collectively fuckthemselves.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ditto to this post.  People need to get off their high horse, seriously.  

</div>

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:81aad64c-9ca8-4f08-a2bd-fd2fc0d6f164">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like, as soon as I have a baby, I'm going to end up punching a lot of people.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

It's probably just a really good thing I'm not having kids.

annie912

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:6b621498-e494-4af2-a15f-c28210054a0c">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sometimes I hate people : I actually think it comes down to women just being ridiculous.  We judge.  We judge a LOT.  We judge anything that's different than what we would do and we do it verbally with gossip.  And we do it with nasty looks. So at the end of the day, there isn't really a lot of support outside of your own circle.  And even that can be bitter and viscious depending on the group.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I didn't explain that well. What I meant was this was something that is very easy to make someone feel guilty about - regardless of what they do.

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:826d64e2-f209-4d87-94ff-bd7bbf85294c">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sometimes I hate people : It's probably just a really good thing I'm not having kids.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

Amen, sister.  It's not set in stone forever and ever, but as of right now that's definitely the plan.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sometimes-i-hate-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1a858763-2c7d-4bcd-adb9-fe0c09e02a85Post:4e1b038b-bbb1-4cb6-a1de-5179b87f8be2">Re: Sometimes I hate people</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sometimes I hate people : Yeah, I didn't explain that well. What I meant was this was something that is very easy to make someone feel guilty about - regardless of what they do.
Posted by annie912[/QUOTE]

But I don't think the responsibility should be placed on the person feeling guilty.  The looks, the comments, etc are very real.  I mean, people debate this crap ad nauseum because they think they have THE absolute right answer about it.  And in this case, it's not even like it's in the woman's control - she can't breast feed.  So how is the judgement in general helpful?  Or really doing anything but letting the judger feel superior because she would do something different.

And it truly is something strangely common with women.  From shoes to purses to what you have for lunch.  You'll never hear a guy say, "dude, I can't believe that woman is feeding her baby formula!"  Heck, you won't even hear most men say, "I can't believe Joe wore brown shoes with black pants!"

It's what women do.  We judge everything that other women (and some men) do.  And we do it plainly, obviously and in some cases (see above) ridiculously obnoxiously.  And for some reason it gets particularly viscious around reproduction and child-rearing.

See:  the bump, attachment parenting, vaccinations, gluten free diets, breast feeding, abortion, adoption, breast enlargement, breast reduction, cleavage, home schooling, toddlers in bikinis, toddlers with pierced ears...I could go on.