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Head Table Etiquette

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, I had planned on the following two things:

- Seating SOs with our WP at the head table
- Letting our WP have "plus ones" even if they aren't in a relationship

Both of those are seemingly good things that I've read to do on here. However, what if, because I gave them a "plus one," they bring a random friend. Like, I picture my FSIL bringing a college roommate. Does the college roommate sit at the head table? 

I think the answer is yes, but that's kinda weird to me.
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Re: Head Table Etiquette

  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    The answer is yes. If it's weird to you (it is to me, too) then I would have a sweetheart table, or a family table. 
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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    It's nice to invite your friends with a guest if they aren't dating anyone, but it isn't necessary, and like you said, they may feel like they have to find a date and bring anyone (not a big deal, but odd). You are vcorrect in giving guests/significant others of the wedding party a seat at the head table if the wedding party must sit there. However, I think it's easier and more polite to just allow your wedding party to sit among the rest of the guests. Head tabloes are odd in my opinion. It's like a royal table where only the roayalty may sit. I have seen them where the table was actually on a stage as if they were looking down on their public). Yuck. I suggest a sweetheart tabloe or a family table.
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  • SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ab8d689-6849-4aee-a93c-f4ddf633cda6Post:482da83c-5c08-4d8d-933f-361618c8ca90">Re: Head Table Etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]II have seen them where the table was actually on a stage as if they were looking down on their public). Yuck. I suggest a sweetheart tabloe or a family table.
    Posted by Blue_Bird[/QUOTE]



    I've seen the head table/stage thing so many times I thought that was the norm. I always hated it.

    OP, we decided to do a sweetheart table and let our wedding party sit where they want. So much easier this way.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yeah, SOs and dates of wedding party members would be seated at the head table if the wedding party members are because breaking up couples is a no-no.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    We thought about the sweetheart table, and having the bridal party at other round tables near us, but we have to have a head table because it's BOLTED into the floor. Or so I've been told. I need to confirm it.

    Yeah. 

    This upset me because 1) I don't like the idea of being on display eating like that either, and 2) my mom was so fanatically for having a head table (because EVERYONE does it that way, NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND WHO THE BRIDE IS if you don't do it that way---really???) that I wanted to NOT have one just because I'm stubborn.

    IF it's bolted in...and I do think it is...I was thinking of at the very least, a King's table, so it's more conversational for us. Thoughts on that?

    In either case, whoever the WP brings is at the table with us--it's what I THOUGHT should happen, and you guys confirmed my gut on that.
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  • Gustafson28Gustafson28 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Who bolts a table down?? Lol that seems crazy! We plan on doing a king's table as well. It just seems less display-like to me. Definitely helps with the social aspect as well.
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  • Coghoot12Coghoot12 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I think head tables are strange and we didn't do one.  We sat with our parents and grand parents.  No one was confused who the bride was :) 

    How big is this bolted down table?  Could you still do a sweetheart table or a family table and use the "head table" for the cake or just a pretty floral arrangement?
    image
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  • ladyamanuetladyamanuet member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ab8d689-6849-4aee-a93c-f4ddf633cda6Post:df3bcad7-8d2c-470e-90b2-718de4588696">Re: Head Table Etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think head tables are strange and we didn't do one.  We sat with our parents and grand parents.  No one was confused who the bride was :)  How big is this bolted down table?  Could you still do a sweetheart table or a family table and use the "head table" for the cake or just a pretty floral arrangement?
    Posted by Coghoot12[/QUOTE]

    I think this is a good idea. Perhaps half cake/dessert, half gifts? Or all gifts, with maybe pictures you want to display? Depends on the decor and theme of your wedding obviously, but if you are against a head tabel then find another use for the table (still can't believe that's bolted - crazy!) 

    Side question: Are you not wearing a traditional wedding dress? Why would your mom think no one would know you're the bride no matter where you are in the room? If she is an obstacle, tell her a sweetheart table puts the focus on the COUPLE and not the BP so everyone's eyes are just on the guests of honor =D
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ab8d689-6849-4aee-a93c-f4ddf633cda6Post:a2e2a9dd-33c9-436a-8076-cf2eb54801f4">Re: Head Table Etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Head Table Etiquette : I think this is a good idea. Perhaps half cake/dessert, half gifts? Or all gifts, with maybe pictures you want to display? Depends on the decor and theme of your wedding obviously, but if you are against a head tabel then find another use for the table (still can't believe that's bolted - crazy!)  Side question: Are you not wearing a traditional wedding dress? <strong>Why would your mom think no one would know you're the bride no matter where you are in the room</strong>? If she is an obstacle, tell her a sweetheart table puts the focus on the COUPLE and not the BP so everyone's eyes are just on the guests of honor =D
    Posted by ladyamanuet[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Because she is nuts. She also says FI must have a different boutonniere so people know who he is. HE IS THE ONE SAYING I DO KISSING THE GIRL IN A WHITE DRESS. </div><div>
    </div><div>For those asking about the head table--using it for cake or presents might be weird, because it's tiered...sort of like the one in this link: <a href="http://www.weddingbycolor.com/soon2bmrst/milestones/27135" rel="nofollow">http://www.weddingbycolor.com/soon2bmrst/milestones/27135</a></div><div>
    </div><div>It's probably bolted BECAUSE of the tiers. I forgot about that part until this thread and I looked back at my pictures that I took on my phone. But I didn't hear that it's bolted from the venue, I heard that from a bride that used the venue. So, I'm going to double-check. </div><div>
    </div><div>I'm hoping it's not bolted because if it is, a king's table won't work either, since it's tiered. :\</div><div>
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  • ladyamanuetladyamanuet member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    The tiers might actually work to your advantage for a cake/gift table if you wanted.  Have the top tier be the cake table, decorate really nicely, maybe display your toasting glasses there, and have the lower table be the gift table.  Or are you having a buffet? Perhaps see if they can set up the cake on the top tier and the buffet on the lower tier...

    Not going to lie, if I went to a wedding this day in age and saw a BP and Bridge and Groom sitting at a table like that, without knowing the background, I would make a snap judgement that it is a little pompous. It wouldn't be fair or right, but it's what I would think.  If it were me, I would do everything in my power to get the tables removed or find a different use for them.  But that is just me....

    And the boutonniere thing isn't a bad idea- not for your mom's crazy reason, but in the same sense that you have a different bouquet than your BMs, having a different or larger bouronniere for the groom makes sense too.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_head-table-etiquette-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ab8d689-6849-4aee-a93c-f4ddf633cda6Post:29fc9367-90ae-4069-8ebf-7f5661f845e6">Re: Head Table Etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]The tiers might actually work to your advantage for a cake/gift table if you wanted.  Have the top tier be the cake table, decorate really nicely, maybe display your toasting glasses there, and have the lower table be the gift table.  Or are you having a buffet? Perhaps see if they can set up the cake on the top tier and the buffet on the lower tier... Not going to lie, if I went to a wedding this day in age and saw a BP and Bridge and Groom sitting at a table like that, without knowing the background, <strong>I would make a snap judgement that it is a little pompous. </strong>It wouldn't be fair or right, but it's what I would think.  If it were me, I would do everything in my power to get the tables removed or find a different use for them.  But that is just me.... And the boutonniere thing isn't a bad idea- not for your mom's crazy reason, but in the same sense that you have a different bouquet than your BMs, having a different or larger bouronniere for the groom makes sense too.
    Posted by ladyamanuet[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Wow. REALLY? </div><div>
    </div><div>EVERYONE has head tables here. EVERYONE. With NO SOs at the table. I'm at least trying to put their guests with us. I hate the head table, but never because I think the bride is pompous. 

    </div>
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  • ladyamanuetladyamanuet member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    Soooooo late in getting back because my life just erupted with crazy - sorry!!

    Domino - I wasn't saying I think head tables are pompous (a bit outdated certainly, but not pompous) - I was saying if I saw a TIERED table, with the bride, groom, MOH+date, BM+date on one level, then the bridal party on another level, then the other "mere" guests of the wedding at "lowly" other tables I would think that is a bit pompous. And again, as I said, I would be wrong but it would be a snap judgement I would make.

    Did you find out if it is bolted or not? If you can use it for desserts/gifts instead or not?

    Hope everything works out for you!
    My reaction to most everything on the internet today:
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