Ex co-workers not on the guest list, throwing me a shower?

fadingdawn20

Ok, so a girl I used to work with told me recently that her and a couple other of my old co-workers have been thinking about having me something since they found out I was engaged. It would probably just be a bunch of girls I used to work with. Problem is, I was not planning on inviting these people to the wedding, so it feels wrong to let them throw me a shower. It's not that I don't want to invite them, our budget just won't allow it, so we're not inviting any co-workers at all. What should I say?

strlzfan11

Work showers are one of those areas where the guests usually don't expect to be invited to the wedding.  That being said if you truly feel uncomfortable having them host a shower for you I would politely decline.  You could offer to just get together for lunch sometime without the premise of it being a gift-giving event.

squirrly

Co-workers tend to be the exception to that rule; however, I would probably say something like this:

"Oh, that's really sweet!  The wedding is really small, though, and I wouldn't want people to be disappointed about not being invited to the wedding."

And then see what she says.  If she tells you that pepole don't expect to be invited but just want to do something for you, then NBD.  If she says something along the lines of, "oh, yeah, I didn't think about that" then I'd just suggest maybe getting the group together for lunch one day.

jrelich24

I had the same type of scenario occur. I am limited on the number of guests to invite because of our budget. One of the ladies I work with is invited to the wedding. She made the comment that others were debating throwing me a shower at the office. I politely declined and made the note that I didnt want others to be hurt that they are not able to be invited to the wedding.
Personally, I just dont feel comfortable with them throwing me an "office shower" and not being able to invite everyone.

twilight.rose

Ditto squirrly. Broach the subject of not being invited politely, and see how she responds.

Also, keep in mind that you aren't obligated to accept any showers. You can nicely decline her offer if it truly makes you uncomfortable to have a shower hosted by people who won't be attending the wedding.

fadingdawn20

Thanks for all the advice everyone! I don't necessarily feel uncomfortable with the situation, I just didn't know if it was bad etiquette to let them throw a shower if they're not invited. If she brings it up again I'm planning on telling her politely that I don't want anyone to come and be disappointed about not being invited to the wedding.

Meagan78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ex-co-workers-not-guest-list-throwing-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ac7bf86-9016-4ca6-8cd2-5122d9028801Post:c6e126fb-e664-41fa-82c3-3c7fffa41506">Re: Ex co-workers not on the guest list, throwing me a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Co-workers tend to be the exception to that rule; however, I would probably say something like this: "Oh, that's really sweet!  The wedding is really small, though, and I wouldn't want people to be disappointed about not being invited to the wedding." And then see what she says.  If she tells you that pepole don't expect to be invited but just want to do something for you, then NBD.  If she says something along the lines of, "oh, yeah, I didn't think about that" then I'd just suggest maybe getting the group together for lunch one day.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

This, definitely.

MVJP10

I would probably decline a shower thrown by ex coworkers, especially if I didn't keep in contact with any of them.