Inviting Co-Workers After Recently Starting a New Job

cacampo

Hi Knotties,

I am getting married on June 1st and I started a new job in the middle of January.  So I've been there for about two months now.  My position was basically created for me and I'm trying to decide who, if anyone, I should invite from work.  We are getting married out-of-state and I feel like it's pretty unlikely that they would actually attend; however, as we all know, it's always a possibility.  I do want to continue maintaining good will and let those I work closely with know that I care about them and that I would like to share my special day with them.  I also want to maintain professionalism and I don't exactly socialize with my coworkers outside of work.  However, this could be because I'm at least two decades younger than them.  I feel somewhat compelled to invite the individual who hired me because he went to great lengths to help provide an incredible opportunity for me.  I also feel like I should invite my direct supervisor because we have become fast friends.  I also adore our executive assistants.  However, I work very closely with 4-5 additional people (in an organization of 500+).  I don't want to leave people out and create hurt feelings.  Anyway, I'm feeling really conflicted about all of this.  HELP!

Carly

hoffse

We can't answer this - it has to do with the dynamic in your office.  I started a new job about 6 months ago, and I invited my entire office.  I sort of asked around from the people who were newly-weds, and it was expected.  Not one of them is coming except my friend who would have come anyway, but apparently I played by the rules correctly by inviting them and let them decline.

We don't know the dynamics in your office to be able to tell you how to do this.

Summer2011Bride

It is hard to say not knowing your office dynamics like PP said. Do you know what people usually do for weddings around there in terms of inviting?

I would say if you are not terribly close to anyone when invitations go out, just don't invite anyone. But if you think it would create hurt feelings or problems with you, esp. with a supervisor, then just maybe invite those select few people.

Again it's hard to say without knowing office dynamics. At my work, it's not unusual for no one to be invited, or just a small handful of people the person is closest to. In other offices,it's expected that all are invited. Since your wedding is in June and you have a few more weeks to send out invitations, I would maybe think on it a bit.

AdeleDazeem

I started a new job in September and married in May.  I invited no one from my new job.  They knew I was getting married but I tried to not discuss it much more than that with them.

I'm someone who doesn't think it's necessary to invite bosses, coworkers, etc... to your wedding.  If you are friends with them outside of work, then go for it, but I don't think an invitation to your wedding repays the good will of someone hiring you.  That repayment comes in the form of a being an excellent employee and going the extra mile at work. 

artbyallie

Since no one has mentioned it yet, I will add that if you do invite any/all of them, don't forget spouses and significant others. Anyone who is in a relationship at all must be invited together, so your 9 co-workers could potentially be 18 guests. It doesn't matter if they're engaged/married or not, nor does it matter how long they've dated. If they're dating at the time invites go out, they get included.

But I agree that unless you regularly see and spend time with them outside of work that you should just skip it.

cacampo

I appreciate all of your responses.  I think the problem is that I'm still learning the culture and things are a bit different because I work in state government.  Plus, most of the people I interact with are directors or associate directors of the various divisions within my agency.  Because everyone is significantly older than me, they are at entirely different places in their lives and probably haven't recently been in this situation or even in the co-worker invitee position.  Unfortunately, I'm still vacillating over this issue.  I had asked the executive assistants what etiquette says about this issue and they said "invite who you want."  And that was about it.  So....anyway....I guess I'll just stew over this some more.