Wedding Etiquette Forum

Shower drama part 2

I posted a while back about shower drama.  Slightly long cliffs: Fmil wanted to throw me a surprise shower, called my mom to tell her.  My mom said that "that was really nice, but my cousin/maid of honor wanted to be involved, and throw it with us moms, so can we all work together?"

His mom basically said she had the whole thing taken care of date and all, didn't want to involve them, and then called my cousin and hinted she didn't think my cousin could afford it.  My mom was furious about that, called Fmil and said, look lets all meet, talk, and plan this together.  The night before the meeting Fmil backed out, said, I thought about it and since I have a daughter, I'll just do hers someday.

Cut to now.  My maid of honor and mom have been planning the shower, along with 2 bridesmaids, one of whom is from Fi's side of the family, and therefore somewhat close to Fmil.  I'd been hoping she'd play devils advocate for both sides of the family.  She also told me in confidence that my Fmil backed out not because of having a daughter, but because if she couldn't plan and host the whole thing herself, she didn't want to be a part of it - she was insulted they "refused her money" even though didn't directly, they just wanted to be a part of it with her.

My mom calls me this morning mad, but won't tell me why (another story entirely).  My dad caved and told me planning hasn't been going well at all.  The bridesmaid that's friends with Fmil has been trying to get them all to list Fmil on the invite even though she hasn't contributed at all and had told them she didn't want anything to do with it.  Then they asked Fmil for her address list of invites.  She stalled for weeks and now says she wants them to give her a bunch of invites so she can do her side herself. 

So now, my maid of honor and mom are mad at Fmil for causing problems and have a ton of conspiracy theories on why she wants to do the invites for her side ("is she going to write to her side that she's the only one hosting it?" etc), and the bridesmaid that's semi close to Fmil keeps telling them "they just don't know Fmil, and to chill and have a drink" which they are also not reacting well to

My problem is that everyone is still insisting that this is all supposed to be a surprise and I'm not supposed to know anything about any of this - yet they all keep caving and telling me these issues in roundabout ways.  I'm also dreading it at this point because with the way they're all acting, I feel like it'll end in disaster and somehow cause even more fighting between the families.

Any thoughts?  (Other then this was really long -sorry!- and that my family is crazy?)


Re: Shower drama part 2

  • God that was really long, sorry!
  • Easy, your mom and BMs should only invite your side to this shower.  If your FMIL wants to host a shower for her side, let her. 
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  • you should have had 2 showers.  Then there would have been no drama.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • This is just one of the reasons I hate showers.  Ugh.

    Dani's plan seems like a good one.  Also, at this point, it sounds like you might need to give up on the secret part and have a chat with your mom and your FMIL and see if you can't iron out the ruffled feathers.
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  • I agree with Lynda...someone should have suggested 2 showers. I won't deny that your FMIL is a big PITA though.

    All of them should be leaving you out of this.
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  • I agree with everyone.  Two showers would have been best!  I also think that it is terrible that everyone is coming to you with these issues!  Let them work it out themselves.  They are all adults!  Hopefully they will realize that the main point of all of this is to make you happy and that it is YOUR big day!  Good Luck!  Don't worry...my family is a little crazy too!  I think everyone's is!   :)
  • 2 showers... FMIL sounds like a peach.
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