Kids or no kids??

HopefulSoul

Hello all, I am planning a wedding for August 2012, and I have a cheap budget. I have small children of my own, as do most of my friends, and close family, is it rude to tell some people they cant bring their kids, but allow others?  Three of my bridesmaids have small children under 4, who would be attending along with my own children who are 7 and 4. Im not sure if i should have the "no kids" rule, or allow kids and hope people dont bring them. The only issue i have with the kids is my budget, I dont want to be paying for seats, and meals that kids wont even eat.

Loopyseven

As long as you have a clear cut off for which children are invited and which ones aren't you should be fine.

divadancer11

Agree.....you need a clear cut off.....but most places have a discounted rate for children depending on age.....have you looked into that?

mrandmrss2b

Would it be possible for you to hire a couple of sitters to stay with many, if not all, of the younger children, either at the reception site or in a local hotel?  It might be less expensive than feeding each one and they would probably prefer pizza or mac & cheese anyway.  Also, this gives your adult guests the opportunity to have a great time while knowing their children are safe and close by.  Another thought, ask your guests with children if they would like to contribute to the cost of the sitters...hope this helps.

mrandmrss2b

Well then...the couple can pick-up the cost of the sitters, if they agree with you.  I don't think that asking the parents who have small children to participate in paying for a sitter is rude, as I don't believe it is part of the "wedding costs."  Having small children (other than their own) at their wedding is not the couples obligation but rather a courtesy. Providing a safe place for their children is a parents responsibility and might be a wonderful option for parents wishing to attend the wedding.  Also, as I said...it was only a suggestion.

mrandmrss2b

...and that I would agree with.  But, I was to understand that she is already having several kids at the wedding; her own and her bridesmaids.  I thought that her concern might be that not inviting the others children would be preceived as unfair and would cause her gusts to ask why so and so's kids were invited but not theirs.  My suggestion was to say something like "look, we are having a small wedding and other than my own children and the children of the wedding party, children are not being invited but...I want you to come and have a good time so, I can provide a sitter at the hotel, etc...and the cost of that service provided at the hotel is"x."  I certainly agree with you that if a couples do not want children at their wedding they should say so but, if lots of the guests have children and the cost of feeding them (even reduced rates)is expensive, then other alternatives should be considered.

StephBeanWed61502

First of all, what Edie said on the "paying for a sitter" thing.  Also, I think other posters who've tried the "pay for a sitter for the group" approach have found that it was a waste of money, because most parents are profoundly uncomfortable leaving their children with strangers.  If you don't want the kids there, just don't invite them and let their parents figure it out.

As for wanting only limited children there, it's perfectly fine as long as your cut-off is clear.  It sounds like you are planning on only inviting the children of the people in the wedding party - that's a completely appropriate cut-off and sounds like a good idea.  Other cut-offs people use are "children of immediate family only" or setting a particular age limit (although it sounds like the kids you're considering are little, so I don't think this approach will work for you).  As long as you apply whatever rule you set across the board, I think you're fine.

mrandmrss2b

Yes, I agree with that also.  The problem I think many couples have is that many of their friends have kids and are unable to find a sitter allowing them to go to and enjoy the wedding.  My fiance and I are struggling with this issue as we are both in our early thirties, most of our friends are married with small children and, because they do not live near family and all of their other friends with kids who would normally sit for them are coming to our wedding, we decided that we would provide (and pay for) a sitter at the hotel (a three-minute walk from the wedding/reception site).  This will allow all of our guests to enjoy themselves and check on their children as often as they wish.  My fiance and I are not having children at our wedding but want our friends with children to come and have fun so, this was our idea and our friends think it is great; it has reduced their worries over finding a sitter and many have offered to cover the cost of the sitters as they feel it is not our responsibility to pay for their sitters (we are paying for it anyway).

mrandmrss2b

Thank you and true, I think our friends will feel a little uncomfortable about leaving their kids with strangers but I don't know of any other way to have our friends at our wedding, give them a chance to have a nice time, and not worry about their children's safety (sitters are hotel employees who are professional and insured and have provided references to our friends).  I hope that by being close enough for our friends to walk over and check on their kids as often as they wish, will alleviate a little stress for them.

This is the first time I have ever posted on TheKnot...this was fun :-) I'm off to the gym...I have a wedding dress to try and fit into :-)  Have a wonderful day.

j+k1211

I prefer no children at weddings although I don't have children of my own. I would suggest to keeping it to family only or supplying a babysitter at your cost. Children around drinking adults never sits well with me especially if the the venue doesn't have room accommodations.

HopefulSoul

Thank you to all who responded. I think I will be going with the whole "cut off" thing. It seems the best way, and hopefully family/friends with children are not offended.