Priest Issues

skz223

So our priest doesn't want us getting married on Saturday at all however it's the only day our local church will let us get married. So now he wants us to get married before 2(according to our religion after 6 is consider Sunday so no intimacy with your partner or drinking after 6 is acceptable). 

However our reception hall won't let us in until 5. So my mom thought we could get married at 1:30 then go to our church hall, have punch and apetizers. Then go to our reception. Is that etiquette okay? Everyone will be invited to both but then that will give our priest an option to go or not. 

 I feel like a wedding that starts at 1:30 and ends at 10:30 is crazy long. 

*Also our priest didn't tell us about this until last week or we would of just had an afternoon wedding and not have a formal evening wedding* 

artbyallie

I'm a little confused by the priest v. church thing. Is there a reason you can't use a priest from that church and have your wedding right before your reception?

Calypso1977

So now he wants us to get married before 2(according to our religion after 6 is consider Sunday so no intimacy with your partner or drinking after 6 is acceptable).

what religion are you, out of curiousity?

skz223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_priest-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d88bccd-9e73-4c9d-b5ba-73d2aacfa8d6Post:5726b0c4-23cb-4045-8ee3-7150b149336e">Re: Priest Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a little confused by the priest v. church thing. Is there a reason you can't use a priest from that church and have your wedding right before your reception?
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

<div>He's my spiritual father we are Greek Orthodox however he lives 3 hours from us. The church we are getting married in is Antiochian(Middle Eastern) & they have more relaxed views. </div>

Calypso1977

so if you are greek orthodox you cant have sex on sundays with your husband?  not judging, just genuinely curious.  i have a friend who married greek orthodox and i never have heard her mention this before.

skz223

To be honest I'm not 100% sure I've never been married before so I can't quite answer that lol. I'm going to guess it's okay after Divine Liturgy. Also not all orthodoxs are so strict I should of put it's frown upon. Bad wording on my part! 

skz223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_priest-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d88bccd-9e73-4c9d-b5ba-73d2aacfa8d6Post:af8830c5-5cc3-48ee-b38d-a77207fb929c">Re:Priest Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Won't you still have the same problem with drinking and sex regardless of a 2pm ceremony if your reception is at 5? Why not get married on Friday or just have an afternoon reception at a different venue?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>My FI & I won't be drinking and we have discussed we will be intitmate however we won't take communion the next day. And we have a 3k deposit on our place or I would. </div><div>
</div>

arendiva

I don't really understand why you have to get married before 2. I under stand the no sex and no alcohol after 6 part. But I don't see what that has to do with needing to get married before. 2. I would talk to your priest and explain that your reception isn't until 5 and that you want a later ceremony. If he is unable to accomodate your timetable I'm sure you can find a priest who  will.

OliveOilsMom

OP - did you see if your reception hall will allow you to move your reception to Friday?  If the date is open for them, they may allow you to move your date and keep your deposit in place.  It's not like you would be cancelling the reception in its entirety, just moving it to a different night.

NYCMercedes

"spiritual father"? I do not understand. Isn't God your spiritual father?

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_priest-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d88bccd-9e73-4c9d-b5ba-73d2aacfa8d6Post:7e10b0e8-ae04-43b5-a97a-faf45cd01c02">Re: Priest Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]"spiritual father"? I do not understand. Isn't God your spiritual father?
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

Father is also a title for priests. I get the feeling that they did all of the precana with this person and he's been their priest for a long while

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_priest-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d88bccd-9e73-4c9d-b5ba-73d2aacfa8d6Post:48e58ae7-f989-4a7e-b7a6-b02ce85ee20c">Priest Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]So our priest doesn't want us getting married on Saturday at all however it's the only day our local church will let us get married. So now he wants us to get married before 2(according to our religion after 6 is consider Sunday so no intimacy with your partner or drinking after 6 is acceptable).  However our reception hall won't let us in until 5. So my mom thought we could get married at 1:30 then go to our church hall, have punch and apetizers. Then go to our reception. Is that etiquette okay? Everyone will be invited to both but then that will give our priest an option to go or not.   I feel like a wedding that starts at 1:30 and ends at 10:30 is crazy long.  *Also our priest didn't tell us about this until last week or we would of just had an afternoon wedding and not have a formal evening wedding* 
Posted by skz223[/QUOTE]


that gap is entirely too long.   You need to either change venues, change dates, change priests, change church, something, to fix that gap.   Realistically, the gap between the end of your ceremony and your reception should be no longer than an hour.  You are basically asking people to wait for 3 hours.  Way way way to much.

DramaGeek

Even if you host something, you will have at least 2.5 hours of time between the ceremony and reception.  Honestly, I would get extremely bored with appetizers and punch for 2.5 hours and would head out.  You need to find a better way of doing this - change the date, change the venue, something.

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_priest-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d88bccd-9e73-4c9d-b5ba-73d2aacfa8d6Post:e425854f-4921-42d4-a0cd-079ccae7cf19">Re:Priest Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Priest Issues : Then, why does the time of the ceremony matter? I am so confused at this point.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
<p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:normal;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">You aren't supposed to do wedding on Saturday’s normally at all.  I believe it has something to do with when you can take communion and it is also a pretty strong traditional (read almost a rule that is based in thousands of years of doing it that way).  You aren't supposed to have sex the night before you take communion so I think that is why the tradition about no Saturday weddings came about.  I am surprised her priest is letting her get married on a Saturday at all. </span><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:'Times New Roman', serif;"></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;"> </span></p> <p style="margin-bottom:0.0001pt;line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">OP- Can you talk with the venue and get the wedding move to another day?  Like Sunday or Friday night.  I'm Russian Orthodox and I got married on Sunday afternoon.  That would be my best guess because really that gap is way too long. </span></p>

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_priest-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d88bccd-9e73-4c9d-b5ba-73d2aacfa8d6Post:48e58ae7-f989-4a7e-b7a6-b02ce85ee20c">Priest Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]So our priest doesn't want us getting married on Saturday at all however it's the only day our local church will let us get married. So now he wants us to get married before 2(<strong>according to our religion after 6 is consider Sunday</strong> so no intimacy with your partner or drinking after 6 is acceptable).  However our reception hall won't let us in until 5. So my mom thought we could get married at 1:30 then go to our church hall, have punch and apetizers. Then go to our reception. Is that etiquette okay? Everyone will be invited to both but then that will give our priest an option to go or not.   I feel like a wedding that starts at 1:30 and ends at 10:30 is crazy long.  *Also our priest didn't tell us about this until last week or we would of just had an afternoon wedding and not have a formal evening wedding* 
Posted by skz223[/QUOTE]

<div>So...if you have already discussed the drinking and intimacy part, I don't understand why your priest won't marry you at 4:30 or 5:00? I guess I'm not understanding the 2:00 thing...(unless you plan to go to the hotel and get busy before 6:00)?? </div>

mtrosales

I can't really tell--but it doesn't seem that the drinking/intimacy thing is even part of your original question?

If many of your guests are of your same religion, then they're probably used to gaps anyway.
I'm Catholic... ceremony ended around 2:40, my cocktail hour couldn't and didn't start until 6. In-laws booked a large room at the hotel where our block was at and hosted a pre-cocktail-hour-kickback-thing starting at 4:30.
No one pouted about it--maybe I'm lucky in that I have sane, understanding, easy-going friends and family?

If this is the decision you're comfortable with, then I'm sure your loving guests will understand.
I'm sure they can find ways to occupy themselves!

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_priest-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d88bccd-9e73-4c9d-b5ba-73d2aacfa8d6Post:f4e4c39c-e0bc-48e3-aae8-784f5c05e39f">Re: Priest Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Priest Issues : You could have said what you said without insulting the heck out of everyone else. Goodness. 
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed. And mtro, for the record, of course no one would tell you to your face that your timeline is/was annoying. But I'd bet money they're talking behind your back about it.</div>