How long is too long between the reception and ceremony?

tsvoboda1980

The place that I want to have my reception requires that you are out by 3pm and the two places I'm considering for the reception site start at 1.) 5pm and 2.) 6pm.  Is this too long for my guests? Most of them will be from out of town. 

Also, if we have the wedding at half past 2pm, done by 3pm, reception at 5 or 6 with wedding ending at midnight...is this too long of a day for the guests?

WildRumpus

That seems like a long time to wait. Some people like a gap, but I think anything more than an hour is way overkill. What are they supposed to do for those 2-3 hours?

[Deleted User]

I answered you on the Columbus board

apple_green

Most people on this board don't like gaps, myself included. I do know that in some areas and religions it's expected, so if that's the case with you that makes it a bit better.

kellyjellybelly

How far a drive is it from the ceremony location to the reception locations?  Where are the OOT guests going to be staying in proximity to those?  Do either locations have the option to set up a hospitality room on the premises to allow you to provide a place for the guests to go during the gap?

baystateapple

Is there any way you can have some sort of hosted event during that time slot?  If not, then I would recommend finding a new venue for either your ceremony or reception.

emilyinchile

I'd change one of your locations to avoid a gap. If you're concerned it might be too long, that says to me that a long gap isn't common in your circle, in which case having one is going to throw people for a loop when they have to figure out something to do for a couple hours while dressed in their wedding attire.

I also think that 2:30-12 is a pretty long time. Most weddings I've been to in the US that went til 11 or 12 started more like 5pm. You can of course have your ceremony at 2:30 and see how long people stick around, but I would be bummed to have paid for the reception to go til midnight (and gotten excited about partying that long) only to have all my guests leave at 10 because they were tired.

LP11509

I know that most people on here hate gaps.  I usually do to, but due to circumstances out of our control, we ended up having a noon wedding and reception starting at 5 pm.  Ceremony was originally going to be at 3 pm...long story.

But anyway, we just provided people with ideas of things to do, places to go to lunch, etc.  Some people actually LIKED the gap because they got to see people that they hadn't seen in awhile, hang out and catch up in between.  95% of our out of town guests were staying either at the hotel where the reception was, or the one right next door (shares the same parking lot) so some of them just went back to their hotel to nap/relax. 

Was it ideal?  No.  Do I wish we could have avoided it? Sure.  But, it wasn't the end of the world either.  Everyone figured something out, and nobody complained (at least not to my face, behind my back...who knows).

banana468

Can you provide somethiing in between that time?  If you're out of the ceremony space at 3 and you can start at 5 PM (definitely not 6) and you have something hosted for an hour and a half it can work.

But a gap of that length with nothing hosted is really rude to your guests.

banana468

BTW, providing a list of things to do in the area is not OK.  You would  need to actually host something.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_long-long-between-reception-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dfa7ba9-9348-4be3-80aa-7209796457c0Post:fe440150-7820-4a19-9d66-7049aee507d5">Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]BTW, providing a list of things to do in the area is not OK.  You would  need to actually host something.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>You're entitled to your opinion, but for us it worked. </div>

Goldlie11

What about having a cocktail hour start at 4:00 or earlier.  It's hard to answer without knowing how long of a drive it is between the two places.  

tsvoboda1980

The drive would be no more than ten minutes for the guests to get to the venue from the ceremony site. The earliest my venue can start a reception is 6pm.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_long-long-between-reception-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dfa7ba9-9348-4be3-80aa-7209796457c0Post:809a2d77-7d1e-4b6f-80a3-d294d8a613a2">Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]Was it ideal?  No.  Do I wish we could have avoided it? Sure.  But, it wasn't the end of the world either.  Everyone figured something out, and nobody complained (at least not to my face, behind my back...who knows).
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

I think this speaks for itself.  You planned a scenerio that worked for YOU, but you acknowledge that it may have been unpleasant for your guests, who were too polite to tell you that it was a problem.  I completely understand the challenges in planning a dinner reception around a mid-afternoon ceremony.  But, I think you have to pick one or the other.  Either the ceremony and it's location are more important, and thus you have a reception that starts at 3:30 OR the dinner and dancing is more important, and thus you find a ceremony location that can accommodate.

Generally, the challenge is that people want both and aren't willing to compromise.  The Catholic church is the most popular root cause, what with mass on Saturday nights. 

If that's the case, I encourage you to keep looking.  Louisville, KY, has an old Catholic church that no longer has a congregation but that you can use for weddings and it still "counts" as being in a Catholic church for the purpose of having it considered to be the sacrament of marriage.  It does take some work to find a priest who is available, but several brides on our local board have made that work out. 

It's all about making compromises.  It may not be easy, but it certainly can be done. 

Goldlie11

You have almost a year until the wedding. I think you need to reconsider one or both of your venues.  

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_long-long-between-reception-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dfa7ba9-9348-4be3-80aa-7209796457c0Post:03a86c42-633d-4d20-9f85-467d93ee4c96">Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]The drive would be no more than ten minutes for the guests to get to the venue from the ceremony site. The earliest my venue can start a reception is 6pm.
Posted by tsvoboda1980[/QUOTE]

What happened to the 5pm option? And the fact that none of these is "your venue" yet because you're still just looking? If these venues don't allow you to host your guests well - which in a lot of cases means no gap - then they are not your ideal venues, and you need to keep looking.

[Deleted User]

i agree 100% with the squirrel. i would've hated lp's wedding. i probably wouldn't have gone unless she was an immediate family member, frankly.

squirrly

What about a church that you can wrap up the ceremony at 4?  A reception that starts at 4 or 4:30 with a 1 hr cocktail hour still puts dinner at 5 or 5:30, which is only a smidge early.  Go light on food at the cocktail hour and throw in a late night snack later on, and I think that's a great compromise.  And, it's what all of my Catholic friends have done. 

Again - I understand the difficulties.  But I've seen people overcome them and have gorgeous weddings and receptions that everyone really enjoyed.  I encourage you to seek out some of these compromises.

tsvoboda1980

The 5pm option is at another venue that I am still considering.  I have seen a total of 22 places and none of them have been my ideal venue.  I am definitely willing to compromise. The bigggest challenge is that I am looking for a venue that is intimate, has a ballroom as well as an outdoor setting. These do not seem to exist in Columbus, Ohio.  The closest I got was Franklin Park Conservatory but they do not have air conditioning in the one room I really like and the other room I was thinking about i would be so so so very unhappy in if it rained. I ideallly want to have my ceremony and reception at the same location. 

Here are the sites I am looking at:

The Westin:  http://www.westincolumbus.com/
Darby House: www.darbyhouse.com
The River Club www.riverclubrestaurant.com
Pinnacle: discoverpinnacle.com

jennylove810

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_long-long-between-reception-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dfa7ba9-9348-4be3-80aa-7209796457c0Post:12776def-1443-4e61-a340-dbab382ceafe">Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]i agree 100% with the squirrel. <strong>i would've hated lp's wedding.</strong> i probably wouldn't have gone unless she was an immediate family member, frankly.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

I don't know you and I don't know lp, but what an incredibly rude and unnecessary thing to say.

[Deleted User]

that's just, like, my opinion, man. simmer down.

emilyinchile

Wait, if you want to have the ceremony and reception at the same place, why are you looking at the ceremony (you said reception in the OP, but I think you meant ceremony) venue that requires you be out by 3?

Those place you posted looked nice - does none of them give you the two types of spaces you want? I am a fan of ceremony and reception in the same place and no gap.

squirrly

If you want the ceremony and reception to be at the same place, why would a gap even be a consideration?

We took a couple hours of photos before the ceremony.  We took about 15 minutes worth after, and then joined our guests at the cocktail hour.  It was perfect.

Have you posted on your local board?  They should be able to give you lots of ideas.  As for indoor/outdoor space, what about a tent?  Sides on if it's rainy, sides off it's pretty.  And, keep in mind - decorating and lighting can do a LOT to make a space what you want it to be.  22 venues is a lot to look at.  I think you might be burnt out on it and having a hard time seeing the good points.

tenofcups4me

OP, have you considered having your ceremony at the same venue as the reception? Therefore no gap.

I strongly feel the ideal is no gap. But I know I'm in the minority with my second preference which would be a LONG gap -- long enough for me to go back to my house or hotel, take a nap or do something else, then get changed and attend the reception. I strongly feel that's preferable to a 1 or 2 hour gap -- which is just long enough to be inconvenient but not long enough to actually do anything.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_long-long-between-reception-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dfa7ba9-9348-4be3-80aa-7209796457c0Post:4e877440-09af-490e-ac4b-517dd245eb0a">Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony? : You're entitled to your opinion, but for us it worked. 
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

That's not really an opinion.  Your guests are your guests from the time your ceremony starts until your reception ends.  If you don't host them between ceremony and reception time then you're not fulfilling your duties as hosts.

So not doing the appropriate thing may have worked, but it isn't something that should be suggested to others as something that can be considered acceptable.

JadziaDax

I think a gap is fine between the ceremony and reception, although it's pretty common around here. It's difficult to avoid having one due to Church hours. If you can't avoid it and the gap is only a few hours, then I don't see a big deal- but, like I said, it's pretty common here in NY.

Reception hours from 5pm-12am seem a bit long to me. You may want to cut down the hours a bit or expect some people to leave early.

And don't worry what Daffodil Jill says. From what i've seen, it doesn't seem like anyone takes her advice seriously.

[Deleted User]

lol

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_long-long-between-reception-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dfa7ba9-9348-4be3-80aa-7209796457c0Post:904ff011-1354-4238-9859-ad5568a4332f">Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony? : That's not really an opinion.  Your guests are your guests from the time your ceremony starts until your reception ends.  If you don't host them between ceremony and reception time then you're not fulfilling your duties as hosts. So not doing the appropriate thing may have worked, but it isn't something that should be suggested to others as something that can be considered acceptable.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Like I said, I really didn't have control over it in the end.  In an ideal world, it wouldn't have happened.  But the world isn't always ideal, and making the OP (and me) out to be horrible because she might have a gap really isn't necessary.</div><div>
</div><div>And Daff, FWIW I got tons of comments about how my wedding was one of the best that they have been to.  I'm honestly not trying to brag, but my point is that it really isn't the end of the world that we had a gap.  My crowd is also used to eariler Catholic ceremonies with later receptions, so that played a part in it too. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm not advocating that gaps are a good thing and everyone should have one.  I'm just saying that sometimes it happens and it's not the worst thing ever. </div><div>
</div>

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_long-long-between-reception-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dfa7ba9-9348-4be3-80aa-7209796457c0Post:189adca5-436a-4cd8-95a7-e3eef7d25d27">Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony? : Like I said, I really didn't have control over it in the end.  In an ideal world, it wouldn't have happened.  But the world isn't always ideal, and making the OP (and me) out to be horrible because she might have a gap really isn't necessary. And Daff, FWIW I got tons of comments about how my wedding was one of the best that they have been to.  I'm honestly not trying to brag, but my point is that it really isn't the end of the world that we had a gap.  My crowd is also used to eariler Catholic ceremonies with later receptions, so that played a part in it too.  I'm not advocating that gaps are a good thing and everyone should have one.  I'm just saying that sometimes it happens and it's not the worst thing ever. 
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]
A gap doesn't make someone a horrible person.  It is inconsiderate to some of the guests.  For some of the guests, it probably wasn't a problem.  For others, it might have been a real inconvenience.   FI and I don't have a car, so it would have really messed us up.  Honestly, I would have either declined all together or just attended the reception.  

[Deleted User]

i'm glad your guests enjoyed your wedding. i personally hate gaps, it's just one person's opinion.

fwiw - i like you a lot as a poster on here. that's neither here nor there, but so you know i wasn't taking a swipe at you personally.

lol at the finger waggers though. that must get exhausting.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_long-long-between-reception-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1dfa7ba9-9348-4be3-80aa-7209796457c0Post:f80382dc-ac62-4aa7-a48c-aa1ae2e58db1">Re: How long is too long between the reception and ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]i'm glad your guests enjoyed your wedding. i personally hate gaps, it's just one person's opinion. fwiw - i like you a lot as a poster on here. that's neither here nor there, but so you know i wasn't taking a swipe at you personally. lol at the finger waggers though. that must get exhausting.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

<div>I do understand your point of view, really.  I just wanted to give the OP another experience/perspective also. </div><div>
</div><div>And thank you :)  I like you too, and I know that you're naturally blunt so I tried not to take it personally.  I appreciate your clarification and compliment.  We're good, no worries!</div><div>
</div><div>ETA:  I just stalked your bio, and your entire wedding was absolutely gorgeous!</div>