B Party: Non-guests invited

eagle328

I just found out my MOH is throwing me a surprise bachelorette party and has already talked to people about it.  I'm only inviting a few friends to the wedding (huge family), so it seems like she'll be inviting people to the party that I'm not inviting to the wedding. 

I don't know any of the details because it's supposed to be a surprise.  Do I need to talk to her about limiting the guests to people on my guest list?  I get the impression that most of the girls will enjoy being included and wouldn't be able to travel to the wedding anyway.  Is it okay to let this go and not ask about her plans or should I get involved in the b-party guest list?

FYI: The wedding is far from where we live and these are college friends who all know each other. 

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-party-non-guests-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed65247-6cd9-4aed-9721-ecd5470f76bcPost:0e6920e0-d07f-42ba-a111-a7200858579b">Re: B Party: Non-guests invited</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes it's okay to let this go and not worry about inviting them to the wedding.  It's her doing, not yours. Although, if she hasn't actually invited them yet, you could say something.
Posted by Sylvia Weis[/QUOTE]

Um. no. it's not ok and OP, you shouldn't let this go.  It is absolutely rude to have anyone invited to a pre-wedding event and then not invite them to the wedding.  You should talk to the person planning on hosting this event and tell her it makes you uncomfortable, and to please limit the guest list to only guests invited to the wedding.

eagle328

TXKristan-  That's actually how I found out.  She asked me what dates I was free.  I haven't given her an answer yet (this was yesterday).  The other girl who was there apparently already knew the plans and, while I do consider her a friend, she was not on the guest list.

The party will probably be in the next few months, probably March or April.  I still don't know what the plans are, just that it's being planned and at least a couple people know.  My MOH knows I'm more comfortable with smaller groups, so she probably won't go overboard.

Sylvia- Since there's no date yet, she probably hasn't told more than a few people.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-party-non-guests-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1ed65247-6cd9-4aed-9721-ecd5470f76bcPost:7ff63c76-9ee9-406b-ab95-6af428765c59">Re: B Party: Non-guests invited</a>:
[QUOTE]TXKristan-  That's actually how I found out.  She asked me what dates I was free.  I haven't given her an answer yet (this was yesterday).  The other girl who was there apparently already knew the plans and, while I do consider her a friend, she was not on the guest list. The party will probably be in the next few months, probably March or April.  I still don't know what the plans are, just that it's being planned and at least a couple people know.  My MOH knows I'm more comfortable with smaller groups, so she probably won't go overboard. Sylvia- Since there's no date yet, she probably hasn't told more than a few people.
Posted by eagle328[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>When you answer her question about dates, I would add something in there like, "Please keep in mind that I'm inviting very few friends to the wedding itself and I don't want either of us to step on any toes and piss anyone off". Probably not exactly that, but something along those lines. </div>

eagle328

TXKristan - No, she doesn't know that she's not invited.  I do have room to invite a couple more people. If she's the only one who is involved in the bachelorette party  and not on my list, I'll add her.

From the input, it sounds like I probably should make some inquiries and get on the same page as MOH.

Jen4948

Yeah, it does sound like you need to contact the MOH and make clear that the guest list has to be limited to people who will be invited to the wedding.

Beyond that, though, I'd leave things in her hands.

CLI242009

Yeah I kind of thought getting invited to the Bridal Party/Shower usually means you're invited to the wedding.

There are cases where some people come to the parties or the rehearsal because for their own reasons they can not attend the wedding itself, but majority of the time if I'm invited to the party/shower and I know I'm available for the wedding I would be expecting an invite, but hey that's just me.

It's kind of like the Save the Dates. The save the date list can be cut and has been before, I've seen talk about this, but most of the time who you send a STD to usually gets an INV too, unless there's a reason. So yeah...I think you should say something. Not to where you know about the party but remind her that the party/shower should match the wedding which you said is a small private affair.

Like i said this is just my opinion but I think this could go wrong if all these girls are invited to the party/shower and then they receive the announcement AFTER the wedding. you might get a lot of hurt feelings.