Role in wedding for fiancee's disabled sister

millkell

My fiance's sister is developmentally disabled.  Physically she is fine but her reasoning and cognitive skills are developed to that of about a 6 year olds.  My brothers are not in his wedding party so his sister will not be in mine... however I want her to have a role in the wedding.  My two brothers will be ushers and I don't think our wedding is big enough for a third usher (120-ish people)... and she has expressed how much she hated being the guest book girl at her older brother's wedding.  She's good at crafting so I was going to have her help with some DIY-projects... but she really wants an official role/title.

Any ideas on a role she can play?  Or at least an official sounding title that will cover a myriad of tasks?

SaraAndrew2010

Have you tried asking her (or her mom) how she would like to be involved in the wedding?  If your brothers are ushers, you could ask her to hand out programs and call her an usher or usherette. 

AdeleDazeem

Personally, I would ask her to be a bridesmaid.  Just because your brothers aren't groomsmen doesn't mean you have to eliminate his siblings from your side.  You choose who you want.  Any sister in law would be honored to be a bridesmaid.

MyNameIsNot

I'd have her as a bridesmaid or groomswoman.

I assume she's not capable of doing a reading or performing music because of her disability, and making up a crappy job like guest book attendant is just mean.

kaesha

What does she want to do?

sister2groom

At the very least give her a corasage/bouquet and have her escorted to her seat.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_role-wedding-fiancees-disabled-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f5df4bd-b30d-4598-8a27-96aac5e1c93fPost:c9f60ada-1dda-4cd2-a418-319e31747629">Re: Role in wedding for fiancee's disabled sister</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I would ask her to be a bridesmaid.  Just because your brothers aren't groomsmen doesn't mean you have to eliminate his siblings from your side.  You choose who you want.  Any sister in law would be honored to be a bridesmaid.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]


this

AdeleDazeem

Also - just to add - please don't think "well, she can't help with the shower or the bachelorette party if she's a bridesmaid."  Take those things out of your mind.  She can participate or not and be as involved or not involved as she wants.  What matters is that she gets to stand up there with you and her brother on your wedding day.

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_role-wedding-fiancees-disabled-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f5df4bd-b30d-4598-8a27-96aac5e1c93fPost:c9f60ada-1dda-4cd2-a418-319e31747629">Re: Role in wedding for fiancee's disabled sister</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I would ask her to be a bridesmaid.  Just because your brothers aren't groomsmen doesn't mean you have to eliminate his siblings from your side.  You choose who you want.  Any sister in law would be honored to be a bridesmaid.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
Agreed.

leah2b

 bridesmaid.

squirrly

Can she handle being a BM?  Meaning, is she ok being in front of a crowd of people & having them look at her?  If she's going to get embarassed, it might not be a good role for her.  If she can handle it, though, I'd probably have her as a BM. 

If she's at all worried about people staring, I'm not sure I'd put her on your FI's side as a groomswoman.  Not all of your guests may have seen that yet, and although it's a completely valid option, I'd just be worried it would make her uncomfortable. 

Beachy730

I agree on making her a BM as long as she can handle walking and standing in front of everyone.  It doesn't have to be a tit for tat with your FI that she can't be one because your brothers aren't GM. 

AdeleDazeem

Remember that she doesn't have to stand if she doesn't want to, either.

She can process in and then sit in the front with her parents.

There are so many options, really...

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_role-wedding-fiancees-disabled-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f5df4bd-b30d-4598-8a27-96aac5e1c93fPost:5168a80e-2134-48e0-85d9-859c5370698a">Role in wedding for fiancee's disabled sister</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance's sister is developmentally disabled.  Physically she is fine but her reasoning and cognitive skills are developed to that of about a 6 year olds.  My brothers are not in his wedding party so his sister will not be in mine... however I want her to have a role in the wedding.  My two brothers will be ushers and I don't think our wedding is big enough for a third usher (120-ish people)...<strong> and she has expressed how much she hated being the guest book girl at her older brother's wedding</strong>.  She's good at crafting so I was going to have her help with some DIY-projects... but she really wants an official role/title. Any ideas on a role she can play?  Or at least an official sounding title that will cover a myriad of tasks?
Posted by millkell[/QUOTE]

Everybody hates this, not just the developmentally disabled. It's a bullsh!t made-up job for somebody who isn't "good enough" to make it in bridesmaids' row.

bonnyandtim

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_role-wedding-fiancees-disabled-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f5df4bd-b30d-4598-8a27-96aac5e1c93fPost:3c516926-49cb-4234-8450-07dae4a4f2c8">Re: Role in wedding for fiancee's disabled sister</a>:
[QUOTE]Remember that she doesn't have to stand if she doesn't want to, either. She can process in and then sit in the front with her parents. There are so many options, really...
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]


Totally.

My 2 FBILs are developmentally disabled & are doing this as groomsmen.

FI & I are both really excited to have them in.

Sing2phins

You don't mention how old his sister is.  I'm curious.

squirrly

At 27 she's too old to be a junior BM.  That's for someone typically 10 - 15 or so in age, who might require a different dress and who certainly wouldn't be asked to chip in for showers and b-parties and the like. 

You don't have to have matching sides, you know.  It's ok if you have an extra BM compared to the number of GMs your FI has.  If you really want to include her, just ask her to be a BM anyway.  It's really the only good option.

smokeybailey

Why can't she stand up on her BROTHER's side?  it's not your wedding alone.  What does your FI think she should do?

I think she could get a nice black dress and stand on his side.  It doesn't have to be boys vs. girls in wedding parties.