Ladies who keep maiden names

Ballet513

Hi ladies, my FI has a huge family, we have enough budget and space to invite all first cousins on both sides. Many many of his first cousins are married so obviously we addressed invites to husbands and wives. Since his family is so large I do not personally know all of his cousins, I've probably met them all but they are just a giant sea of faces and names in my head and I'm not sure who's who. Anyway my mom addressed all my invites by hand because her script is much better than mine. We addressed invites based on a list that my FIL's provided. Most invites were addressed "Mr. and Mrs. husbands first name last name" I have gotten several responses with "Mrs. or Ms. wifes first name maiden name and Mr. husbands first name last name". I think I got 5-7 response cards like this all from FI's cousins so clearly these women did not change their names right? Now I feel bad that I addressed their invites "wrong" should I feel bad about this? More importantly I should write all escort cards with the names they put on their response cards right? So nOT "Mr. and Mrs. so and so" but put the names they responsed with?

midgetthemighty

Yes, put the names they responded with. If you feel the need, you can call and apologize if you want but I'm sure once they see their name on the escort card correctly, they will understand it was an honest mistake. You did get the list from your FILs so I feel you went through the proper channels on who would know that kind of information.

Habs2Hart

Write the names they responded with.  In fact, unless it's an older couple and you know that the "mrs." goes by Mrs.  her husband's first and last, I would put "Mrs first and Mr first and last" for those who did not keep their maiden name.  My husband and I are a team, but I am Mrs. my first and last not mrs his first and last. 

CFM102012

They're probably used to it especially from people they don't know well so its okay to feel a little guilty but don't dwell on it.  You are correct. When doing your escort cards be sure you use the name they used on the response card. That was their subtle correction of the mistake on the invitations. Any more correspondence should also be addressed as they wrote it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Yes, write the names they responded with. I actually just had this happen to me a few months ago, and the rehearsal dinner invitation was mailed to me AGAIN with my husband's last name. But, to be fair, someone else could have mailed those and the B+G could have given him or her the list before they got my RSVP.

I pretty much always chalk this up to a simple mistake/assumption and it's not insulting to me, since it's not an intentional slight or anything.

lauraanne9

I would just send any future things addressed as they responded.  I didn't even really take it as a subtle "correction" but rather they knew who the invite was addressed to and in responding, instead of putting themselves with a name they don't use, they put the name they use.  But that is me, and I am planning to do the hyphenate last name (I know, I know, LOL, but I am getting married for the first time in my late 30's and feel that totally letting go of my maiden name is not something I want to do, but my fiance wants me to take his name so it is a compromise) so I have already dealt with the knolwdge that people are going to be messing up my name for the rest of my life.

DramaGeek

The first time, I am not offended and simply politely correct people.  The second, third, fourth...then I get irritated.  As long as you make the change, you're good to go.