Wording for non-shower get together

dancerd

So we're having a very informal wedding in May and we haven't registered for any gifts because we all ready have our home pretty well set. I definately do't' want a traditional "shower" and we don't have the extra budget for one and I don't want to ask my attendant to chip in. I just dont' think that's the point of askign someone to stand with you on your special day.

I would however like to invite my lady friends to a brunch before the wedding. Is it even worth doing if we're not cover their food? Will people be put off by having to pay for their brunch? If not how do I word the invite and how do I let them know I'm not expecting a gift and I simply want to spend time with them?

rebarobert2012

If you invite them to a brunch, you should cover the cost of the food.  I really don't think you should ask them to pay for their own meal since you are hosting it.  I don't think anyone will think that it is a shower if you are hosting it yourself.  Brides don't host their own showers.

MattsPenguin

This sounds like a bridal luncheon where typically the bride hosts a brunch/lunch for her attedants and close familiy (maybe friends).  If you are inviting them, then you should pay for it.  You could host something at your house to cut down the costs.

Since you are hosting this is most definitely not a shower.  A bride does not host her own shower.  Therefore your friends should not feel obligated to get you a gift.

lindseyann410

If you invite them, then you need to pay for them.  This is especially true if you are doing this to thank them for helping with your wedding.

Otherwise, say you'd like to meet up with them for brunch sometime.  Then they would most likely expect to pay.

rmontpas

totally off topic but Yaga your ring is amazing!

dancerd

thanks everyone. I definatley can't afford to pay for everyone's meal so it's looks like getting everyone together is out of the question.

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-non-shower-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2027ba63-f29b-48cb-b94e-ad4ac8b50a64Post:1f59e6cf-7443-4670-86d0-163f05c1a0b1">Re: Wording for non-shower get together</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks everyone. I definatley can't afford to pay for everyone's meal so it's looks like getting everyone together is out of the question.
Posted by dancerd[/QUOTE]

I'd try to do a gtg more separated from the wedding with a group of friends who are all friends with each other, you know?

I think emailing people and saying something about wanting to get together for brunch sometime and working it out with everyone's schedule would be appropriate- as opposed to "here's when I wanna have brunch, oh btw, let's go dutch"

Habs2Hart

Any chance you can host a small brunch at your house?  It doesn't need to be fancy, but that might be a nice opportunity to host and not pay a tonne of money.

aragx6

So if someone offers to throw you a shower -- which is what usually happens (you don't pay or plan for a shower for yourself because that would come across as gift grabby) -- are you going to say no?

To your actual question, I would have a brunch or even lunch at home. That wouldn't cost more than $100 or so depending on how many guests we're talking about.

dancerd

aragx6 - If someone did offer to throw a shower I would politely decline.  We really don't need to be "showered" with gifts in the traditional way. Our household is already established and we're both in our later 30's and pretty well settled. The thought of a shower makes me a little uncomfortable besides the wedding day is more then enough focus.

the idea behind the brunch was to get the ladies together to mingle with eachother and meet before the wedding. My FH has a core group of guy friends he grew up with and I hardly know their wives at all. They all have young children and we don't get invited to many functions because they mostly focus on the kids. We're just not in that place so I totally understand. But anyway I wanted everyone to get a chance to meet and have some fun together before the big day.

I would host something at our place but we live in a small Brooklyn apartment and dont' even have room for a dinning table. I also don't want to impose on any one by asking them to host it at their place.

It's all so frustrating because I feel like I have good intentions I just can't afford to pay for everyone and it's dissapointing....

pgcp

Get some bagels and cream cheese, cut up some fruit, pick up some inexpensive sparkling wine and orange juice, make an egg dish and put out some sliced vegetables and cheeses, and BAM! you have a lovely brunch you can easily serve in your home.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-non-shower-together?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2027ba63-f29b-48cb-b94e-ad4ac8b50a64Post:fb820d45-ab16-4811-ba5a-7ea72e98b9fb">Re: Wording for non-shower get together</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wording for non-shower get together : What's wrong with saying no if you don't need or want a shower?  I don't want one, and FI and I don't have room in our apartment for more stuff.  Not even upgrades, really, since we only recently bought all of this stuff.  If we get bugged enough, we'll register for new towels and sheets, but I honestly can't imagine having more things.  We have a nicer set of place settings from FFIL that he gave us at our housewarming party over a year ago.... and they've never even been taken out of the box.  There is just no room or use for them.  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

There's nothing at all wrong with it. It just seemed like OP doesn't really understand the process, and I do think it's likely that at some point someone will offer her a shower.

dancerd

thanks for all the feedback so far. i do understand that the bride doesn't foot the bill or plan the shower but I only have one person standing up in my wedding party and i certianly wouldn't expect him to plan or pay for something like that. It just wouldn't be fair. 
I do want to do something but I don't know what and I know I don't have the funds and I'm not going to look to someone else to cover costs. I don't know....

MyUserName1

I know there are tons of nice parks in Brooklyn!

What about hosting a little brunch picnic in the park?  That would be lots of fun!

dancerd

thought about doing a picnic too but i'm afraid the weather in late April early May would not be cooperative. If it were to rain or be very cold I don't have a lot of leverage for a rain date. My work life is extremely crazy on weekends leading up to the big day.

I think I might just be out of luck on this one...

Thanks everyone!