No reply cards. Bad idea?

stellaella

Instead of the traditional reply cards, I was thinking of just putting an address of my wedding website on the invitation. I've heard of people doing this, but have never actually got one of these invitations. 

I don't have a website yet, but I was thinking of putting on information about directions, ceremony location, reception room (ceremony and reception are at same place), and where to go for cocktails after the ceremony while we're doing pictures for an hour. I would also put information on hotels, our shuttle, and things to do in the area. 

Maybe information about our wedding party, and honeymoon? Or is that too AW?

Also, what do you guys think about putting a link where guests can request songs before the reception that I forward to the DJ? Weird? 

Guests will also RSVP during this time, and select what entree they want. (4 choices.) 

Can I get away with scrapping the reply cards (saving money on stamps and reply cards), or is it somehow rude? 

I can see my grandma getting wigged out over this, but that's about it.

What do you guys think? Yay or nay? 

Mrs.B6302007

 It's green so I'm all for it.

If there are some guests you KNOW won't RSVP online, you could do a simple RSVP card just for them. A DIY one on the computer rather than paying for a pro one.

waltzingmatilda13

It depends on your guest list. Do you know that everyone has access to a computer? My list had a fair number of older guests who would never have figured it out, but if you think it would work for you, go for it.

mica178

As a minimum, I think you should also include a contact phone number so that people who are not computer-savvy (like your grandmother) can call you  to RSVP and have questions answered.

I've seen it done that way.  I don't know how well it turned out for the bride.

GeauxTigers17

While you can do it, I'll just warn you that one of my good friends tried it and had around a 20% response rate. I know it seems like it would be easier, but I would just do the cards if I were you. Otherwise, you'll be calling a lot of people. I'd say that's especially true in your case since you're doing a plated dinners.

Just for the record, reply cards themselves are technically rude, if we're talking "by the book" standards (the rationale being that you were preemptively expecting people not to reply on their own) so it's certainly not rude to forego them, but if you need a head count, I think it's crazy not to send them.

opalsky007

Don't skip the cards. You'd be surprised at who has a hard time getting online.

Also, I'd expect your return rate to be lower. When the invite is sitting there in my face, it's easy to fill in my answer and drop it in the mailbox. I tend to put stuff off when I have to go fire up the computer and navigate to a site to RSVP.

The Mel and Todd Show

From an etiquette standpoint, the reply card itself isn't a necessity, and can be frowned upon.  Technically, you respond to a formal invitiation with a formal, handwritten response.  Miss Manners would applaud you for omitting the reply card, but not if your expectation were for guests to reply online. 

This was a sticking point between FI and I...I don't like reply cards, I think they suggest that my friends and loved ones don't know the proper etiquette for responding to a formal invitation.  FI says that he has never received a wedding invitation without a reply card, and that people our age wouldn't know what to do NOT because of poor manners or upbringing, but because my stance on this is antiquated.  I conceded and am including reply cards. 

FWIW, no reply card is better than website replies, IMO.  Not all of your guests will be internet savvy, and the older generation most likely will consider this a breach of etiquette. 

cherbein

I say go for it!  I went with the traditional cards, but friends have done the website method and its a great way to have all of your information in one place.  The area for requesting songs is fun and will let your guests feel involved which is always good.

I think PPs idea of also putting a phone number is good in case you have any computer adverse guest 9example, my grandma and great aunt would have flipped)

stellaella

The only seniors that are coming / invited are my grandparents. My grandpa knows more about computers than me, but my grandma I know will be wigged out. 

I'm positive that everyone else has an e-mail address / internet at home.

I never thought about the low reply rate. That's a good point. 

ETA: For my shower I discovered I have a lot of rude friends lol. My Aunt did the same thing, asked people to call or e-mail her for a response. I had at least 5 / 10 friends NOT RSVP but show up. Their rationale was that my Aunt just assumed they were coming. I thought that was rude.

[Deleted User]

Attendance is a very black or white thing. You're there or you're not. Therefore, i like a black and white response, you're coming or you're not. Making someone essentially sign their name to it on a response card makes it more formal and serious to me.

stellaella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reply-cards-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:207dc9c7-0664-4b67-bdd9-899dd28daf35Post:b8f7815a-ef95-4178-a037-38de7375b597">Re: No reply cards. Bad idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]I definitely had an e-mail RSVP and had a phone number to call as well. Still had to track down 2/3 of the GL and many of them still didn't show or said they weren't going to come and did. However, I'm glad I didn't kill extra trees or have to pay postage =)
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm always floored by this. Why are people so rude? I'm slightly worried that I will go bridezilla when this happens to me in March.</div>

stellaella

Do you think it would make it any different if I say please go to www.stellabridezilla.com to RSVP and select your entree choice?

Will people be more inclined to step up and reply if there's food involved?

GeauxTigers17

I agree with Simply Fated...people are used to things like Evites and Facebook that have "maybe" options. "Maybe" isn't an option for a wedding, and I think filling out a reply card feels different than an online RSVP. 

And stella, I have no idea why people think they don't have to RSVP. Especially with the rationale that your friends gave. It's like they read the "please respond" and say "oh, surely she doesn't mean ME!?"

wrdgirl

I am doing online RSVP only because I have a very small guest list and if I have to chase them afterwards it won't be difficult.  I'm doing buffet so I won't need any meal selections.  If more of your guests are internet savvy they won't have an issue.  In fact I prefer responding online than doing a card.

The last wedding I went to had the TK RSVP (but I have a feeling they may have different RSVPs for different people), whether or not it worked well I don't know but my name and my FI's name made it to the list so I guess it is ok lol

Wedding websites are used for the information you have listed, whether or not it's "proper etiquette" I don't know and frankly I don't care.  Personally I think it's helpful for guests.

I am also doing a DJ song request, I think it's fun. I've seen a lot of people do it.  Good luck!

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reply-cards-bad-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:207dc9c7-0664-4b67-bdd9-899dd28daf35Post:d0b716f2-7bc1-49a9-92b3-999adce484b5">Re: No reply cards. Bad idea?</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you think it would make it any different if I say please go to <a href="http://www.stellabridezilla.com" rel="nofollow">www.stellabridezilla.com</a> to RSVP and select your entree choice? <strong>Will people be more inclined to step up and reply if there's food involved?
</strong>Posted by stellaella[/QUOTE]
That <em>might</em> actually work with me, but that's because I love food so I'd be excited to see what the choices are. I can't speak for everyone else, though, lol.

ootmother2

Reply cards are the modern way of avoiding a surprise party.

The correct way to reply to an invitation to write on your personal stationery

Mr. and Mrs. Smith

accept with pleasure (or decline with regrets)

the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Jones

for Saturday, the tenth of June.

I left the reply cards out of the invitations sent to my friends knowing they knew how to reply.  M & E's friends got the reply cards with the stamped envelope.

yeah, I'm old fashioned about some things

emilyinchile

For our US reception, we only had online replies because reply cards being sent to Chile would have taken forever/got lost in the mail. We had to hunt down some RSVPs, but they were actually all from people who do use computers and just suck at replying - the few older, non-computer-using relatives had their kids RSVP for them. I don't think it's a real problem assuming most of your crowd does go online since no matter what route you go, you're going to end up following up with some people.

Summer2011Bride

I personally wouldn't not even b/c of any "etiquette breach" but because I feel like I'd get a lower reply rate and people would more easily forget. Myself and many people I know will hang a wedding invite on the fridge or put it somewhere else we will see to remind us to send back the RSVP (or just do it immediately after receiving the invite). We had ONE online RSVP and almost forgot to do it by the deadline because it's one of those things you think "Oh OK, gotta get online to do it" but then you never remind when you DO go online. This all may just be me being weird, but that would be my concern.

lindsaynewbride10

I think this is a fabulous idea, however you might want to consider whether your guests have access to the internet (your "older" guests, to be more specific.)