what to do if there is a good possibility that a BM will stand me up?

Brandon&Kasey

My FI and one of his close friends/business partners recently had a huge falling out due to his friend trying to screw him over with a project they were working on.  I had asked his friend's girlfriend of 3+ years several months ago to be one of my bridesmaids because she and I got pretty close over the last couple of years.  All of the bridesmaid's dresses have been ordered and the wedding is in the middle of June, but I have a feeling that because of the huge mess between my FI and her boyfriend, there is a good chance she wont show up.  What should I do?

jennylove810

You wait it out, and hope that FI + friend can sort it out like big boys.

And if not, if she bails on you, you just forget about it and focus on all the good stuff instead, because really, what else can you realistically do?  Drag her out by her hair?

No need to stress just yet.

Brandon&Kasey

I am wondering if I should have a family member or close friend to stand in if she doesn't show

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_there-good-possibility-bm-will-stand-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:20957bdd-811e-436e-bafc-8b6754e19ddePost:787c4c40-0d1f-4d23-8e61-78bf86e274c9">Re: what to do if there is a good possibility that a BM will stand me up?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am wondering if I should have a family member or close friend to stand in if she doesn't show
Posted by Brandon&Kasey[/QUOTE]

Absolutely freakin' not.  That's really not fair to the family member or close friend, "I don't like you enough to ask you to be in my wedding party, but you can fill out the pictures if my first choice stands me up?"  No. Your sides don't have to be even.

pirategal03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_there-good-possibility-bm-will-stand-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:20957bdd-811e-436e-bafc-8b6754e19ddePost:787c4c40-0d1f-4d23-8e61-78bf86e274c9">Re: what to do if there is a good possibility that a BM will stand me up?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am wondering if I should have a family member or close friend to stand in if she doesn't show
Posted by Brandon&Kasey[/QUOTE]

What would you say to that person?  Would you please be my second-class friend? This other person who I liked better may not follow through on their commitment, I hope you fit in her dress!

You don't need to do anything.  You don't need even sides.  I've been asked to be a bridesmaid just to even out the sides, and it was horrible.  Don't do it.

Brandon&Kasey

Thats what I thought, but I wasnt sure.

MissLeahM

Have you tried talking to her?

ac_in_dc

If she's close enough that you asked her to be a bridesmaid, I'd invite her to lunch or something.

Do you still want to be friends with her? If you do, tell her you hope that you guys can still be friends, but if she's not comfortable standing with you on your wedding day you understand.

CTGirl30

Do not replace her. That's insulting both to her and whomever you ask to replace her (they will know they weren't good enough to be asked the first time around and that's not a good feeling). Your wedding is not a play and you do not need understudies. If she chooses not to be part of it, the show will go on with uneven sides and your marriage will be just as valid.

If you have concerns about your relationship as friends in light of the blowout between your SO's then talk to her about it. Keep the lines of communication open as friends. She was your friend long before your BM, right? So approach it like that.