Torn between reception options...

peggerzz

Here's the situation, I moved to FL over 5 years ago for job reasons.  I met my fiancee here in FL.  My fiance and I want to get married here becuase this is where our lives are.  We initially wanted to do a wedding on a cruise ship because it was most economical for us and would only be the people that we really wanted in attendance as guests.  My family is all in MN/ND.  They would have to fly to attend any wedding in FL.  Since this is the first (and hopefully only!) wedding for me my parents completely vetoed the DW weddding idea.  Even though I will be 34 by the time we get married we are expected to have a full wedding so that family can celebrate with us.

Is it wrong to do a small wedding/reception her in FL where I know that only my parents will fly in to attend and then have a party/reception up north with the rest of my family?  My fiancee has a very small family and does not expect his extended family to attend, which is the exact opposite of what my family expects.

emeejeeayen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_torn-between-reception-options?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2140ad69-ba6b-4da0-8600-3d6ddc67128cPost:284cbc7c-1fd6-45ef-bdbc-e155903e592e">Torn between reception options...</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the situation, I moved to FL over 5 years ago for job reasons.  I met my fiancee here in FL.  My fiance and I want to get married here becuase this is where our lives are.  We initially wanted to do a wedding on a cruise ship because it was most economical for us and would only be the people that we really wanted in attendance as guests.  My family is all in MN/ND.  They would have to fly to attend any wedding in FL.  Since this is the first (and hopefully only!) wedding for me my parents completely vetoed the DW weddding idea.  Even though I will be 34 by the time we get married we are expected to have a full wedding so that family can celebrate with us. Is it wrong to do a small wedding/reception her in FL where I know that only my parents will fly in to attend and then have a party/reception up north with the rest of my family?  My fiancee has a very small family and does not expect his extended family to attend, which is the exact opposite of what my family expects.
Posted by peggerzz[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>People aren't big fans of PPDs here. What kind of party did you have in mind?

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RebeccaB88

If it's your wedding and you're paying for it, then you get to decide what kind of wedding you want.  Stand firm on it and don't let them bully you into something you don't want. 

If your parents are paying or contributing, then they do get a say in how their money is spent.  Ideally they'd listen to you and support what you want, but if they won't, you have to decide whether you want to take their money and do it their way, or decline the help and plan and pay for it to be your way. 

Avion22

It's MUCH easier to have one event and invite everyone.   Go for Florida, if that's what you want.   Invite your side, and let them decide if they can attend or not.   You can help them out by picking a location that's easy fly into, near a lot of reasonably-priced hotels, etc.   Then, send out save-the-dates 6-9 months in advance so they can plan days off from work and make travel arrangements.   

Unless you have a lot of relatives who can't travel for health reasons, I think you'll be surprised by how many will make the trip.   We got married in VA, and my husband's entire family from FL made the trip, as well as a lot of our military friends from all over the country.   

Kate61487

The etiquette on this really varies depending on what you're planning up north.

Is it okay to have a small intimate wedding in FL and then have a family reunion-type party up north where you happen to be newlyweds in attendance and maybe bring some photos to share with family but otherwise not make it all about your wedding?  Yes.

Is it okay to have a small wedding in FL and then have a big "wedding reception" with a whole bunch of people who didn't make the cut for the FL guest list and a white dress and cake cutting and first dances and all that jazz?  Not really, no.  It becomes slightly more acceptable if you invite everyone to the FL wedding, but would still be side-eyed by many.

aquari0216

I don't c why not....

AdeleDazeem

I'm actually confused.  Who's paying for this wedding?  If the answer is you and your fiance, then have your destination wedding.  Even if they are paying, you have some wiggle room.  My mother was staunchly against our destination wedding but I kept telling her that this is what my husband and I wanted, etc...  in the end, she thought our wedding rocked :-)

I don't like two separate receptions like this, but I agree with Kate that it depends on what you're planning and what you're doing at these "receptions."

zantster

If your budget dictates that either you do a DW or have a FL wedding then that is all that matters. I suggest you combine the money you would have spent to have part 1 in FL and part 2 up north and plan a mid-sized wedding right there where you are.  It is where you and your FI live and it is where you will be most comfortable receiving your guests.  We have a ton of OOT guests from places as far as New Zealand. So we sent out our STDs last month, set up the wedding website with info on hotel block options, prices and so forth and plan to make sure everyone who wants to come has plenty of time to make the necessary financial and child care arrangements.  That's all you can do is be considerate by giving them as much info and time as possible.  Then let the chips fall where they may.  If your parents object then I would just keep reiterating that this is the most affordable and stress free option where family can be included. Since they vetoed DW this is what's left.  If they offer to help out you and your FI can rethink things.  But if not then FL should be it so you both can be happy and enjoy everything about getting married. Congrats!

Calypso1977

have the wedding you want, invite all of the family you want there, and pay your own way.  once you start taking money from others, they can easily take over.