Addressing Save the Dates

MusicEBA22

For addressing Save the Dates; if a friend has a SO that either we don't really know, or they haven't been together very long, can I just address the Save the Date to our friend? We are planning on sending out our Save the Dates a touch over a year before the wedding (I realize that is quite a bit early, but that is what we have decided to do). Then on the actual invites, we would put the SO's name or "and guest" if the person is single. Is this appropriate?

It's a cruise wedding, so either everyone will have to bring a guest (cabins must have at least 2 people in them, or the person has to pay more money) or we can pair people up, depending of course, on what they want.

Thanks in advance for your help!

Jen4948

I think that even on save-the-dates, couples need to be addressed as couples.  Don't leave off the names of SOs.

MrsMack10612

For those that we knew the SOs name, the STD were addressed to both, it didn't matter how well we knew the SO or how long they had been together. 

If they were true singles, only to them.  When invitations went out, all of our singles got +1s with the outer envelope just addressed to our friend and the inner saying "and Guest".

ETA - and if we didn't know the SOs name, we found out.

Love11506

I am not adding SO's to my save the dates due to the fact that I don't know them and if they break up I have to give that person an "and guest" and I don't really want random people's friends at my wedding when I could have had other relatives or friends I couldn't invite go!!

SLC5885

I'm only writing the SOs on the save the dates if we know them and are friends with them, too. The few people that just started dating someone will get one addressed to themselves only. But if they are still dating that person when invites go out next year, then I'll add the SO to the invitation. We're not giving single people "and guests" (all of our single friends are already friends with the majority of our guests so they definitely won't be left out), so if someone's SO isn't in the picture or can't go, that will free up a space for someone we may have not been able to invite otherwise.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-save-the-dates-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21928a20-190a-4892-bb52-738ea771b552Post:783023e6-914c-4b85-8657-bda8ac8acd93">Re: Addressing Save the Dates</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm only writing the SOs on the save the dates if we know them and are friends with them, too. The few people that just started dating someone will get one addressed to themselves only. But if they are still dating that person when invites go out next year, then I'll add the SO to the invitation. We're not giving single people "and guests" (all of our single friends are already friends with the majority of our guests so they definitely won't be left out), so if someone's SO isn't in the picture or can't go, that will free up a space for someone we may have not been able to invite otherwise.
Posted by SLC5885[/QUOTE]


Unfortunately, this isn't polite.  The whole point of "SOs" is that they have to be invited together, <strong>period.</strong>  You don't get to pick and choose based on "if you know them and are friends with them, too."

Yes, this can make wedding planning suck because if you don't know them/are not friends with them, you can't leave them out in favor of other people you do know and are friends with.  So, whether on invitations or save-the-dates, they need to be addressed to the <strong>couple,</strong> not just the partner you are friends with.  If you address a save-the-date to only one, they are going to assume that you are inviting only that one, which is terribly rude.  Don't make that mistake.

MusicEBA22

So if a couple happens to break-up between the Save the Dates and the invitations, just change who the invitation is sent to? Instead of Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe like on the StD, just address the invitiation to Ms. Jane Smith or Ms. Jane Smith and Guest?

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-save-the-dates-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21928a20-190a-4892-bb52-738ea771b552Post:fd289e05-007a-42c4-902d-707cc869d2ad">Re: Addressing Save the Dates</a>:
[QUOTE]So if a couple happens to break-up between the Save the Dates and the invitations, just change who the invitation is sent to? Instead of Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe like on the StD, just address the invitiation to Ms. Jane Smith or Ms. Jane Smith and Guest?
Posted by MusicEBA22[/QUOTE]

Yes, exactly.  The former partner is presumed to expect not to be invited.

MusicEBA22

Wonderful. Thank you!!!!