XP: How many "rules" make you a bridezilla?

sweetpea0911

I'm not getting married until September of 2011 and let me please put this out there right now - I am NOT ready to make final decisions on anything except venue.  However, my sister and I are close and it's been known since high school she would eventually be in my wedding, either as my MOH or a BM.

Now that I'm officially engaged, she's starting to look at BM dresses so that she can start to save for the one she picks out.  I've decided to pick a color and let my bridesmaids choose their own dress..with a few "rules" attatched.

1. They must be the color I've chosen (and I plan to hand out swatches from several different designers so that they can find one they like in the right color at an acceptable price of them).

2. It must be cocktail (to the knee) or tea (to the calf) length.

3. It may not be strapless.

Am I limiting them too much?  Is this encroaching on bridezilla territory?  If it is, please let me know....my sister is asking for "the rules" and I don't know what to say!

ThePinkSuperhero

Sounds fine to me.

brookelynpaisley

Ruling out strapless is a little over the line, if you ask me.

sucrets4

Why not strapless?  Are there restrictions in your church?

I'm okay with the length thing, but please don't make them get them hemmed to the same exact length like the Rockettes.

Nebb

Everything in your criteria sounds fine to me.

brookelynpaisley

Why are you ruling out strapless, out of curiosity?

I'm not a strapless fan, but my sister is. I didn't limit her style based on my preferences

PsyDet 2155

There are a lot of strapless options for bridesmaid dresses.  Other than that, picking a color and length seems fine to me.

september's bride

Do your preferences still offer your BMs a decent selection of dresses? If the rules limit the girls to only one or two styles, I'd recommend easing up a bit to make sure everyone finds something they like.

tlv204

Considering that it's mostly still the norm for all bridesmaids to wear the same dress, I don't think that's bridezilla at all. I know at least on this board we're all leaning towards letting them pick out their own dresses (which I did, but have never seen it at another wedding in real life), but I really don't think giving specifications on a style is a big deal. It's still your wedding and they're still a bridal party.

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-many-rules-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21af8827-314b-4e55-a965-44603c41133cPost:aa853184-e213-4b2d-ba62-ccb325b582fb">Re: XP: How many "rules" make you a bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]There are a lot of strapless options for bridesmaid dresses.  Other than that, picking a color and length seems fine to me.
Posted by PsyDet 2155[/QUOTE]

This.

sweetpea0911

Goodness, no!  That's why they get to pick their own - my sister looks good in shorter dresses, but my BFF who I think I'd like to be my MOH looks better in longer dresses...it's about them looking nice while still looking a little matchy!

And our church is a bit conservative, plus most of the girls who I'm thinking of are a bit...top heavy - I'd rather they not be pulling their dresses up all day long!  Spaghetti straps are fine by me, and many of the dresses my sister and I have looked at online (the strapless styles) can add straps.

tlv204

I still don't see the problem. And I actually think you're being generous about the length. I mean I agree about the no same length hem rockette thing, but cocktail and tea length are easy to find.

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-many-rules-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21af8827-314b-4e55-a965-44603c41133cPost:aa67c477-bc69-4552-a295-bc76cb082c21">Re: XP: How many "rules" make you a bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]And our church is a bit conservative, plus most of the girls who I'm thinking of are a bit...top heavy - I'd rather they not be pulling their dresses up all day long!  Spaghetti straps are fine by me, and many of the dresses my sister and I have looked at online (the strapless styles) can add straps.
Posted by sweetpea0911[/QUOTE]

Alrighty then, that's reasonable. A part of me was waiting for you to say "because I'm wearing strapless and they can't steal my thunder." And FYI, properly fitting dresses and undergarments shouldn't leave them tugging at their tatas all night :)

sweetpea0911

True, and I hadn't thought about that.  We'll see if they can't find something they like wiith straps, or that won't add straps, and then go from there.

Thanks everyone...bridezilla status is the last thing I want!! =]

eastunder1

I think not wanting people to be pulling on their dresses is a silly absurd reason to not want to do something.  These are grown women.  Can they not handle having a dress properly fitted with equally fitted underthings to keep it all in place?   Thats just so silly to me. 

But thats neither here nor there.   Your rules sound fine.  They will appreciate being given the final say on their dress. 

tlv204

In my limited experience strapless dresses suck for big boobs even after alterations. My wedding dress wasn't strapless because of this, but I wore a BM dress that was and while it fitted perfectly after alterations, wearing the same dress for 8 hours and dancing will stretch it out a bit.

sucrets4

My bms all wore short dresses that varied a little bit in length and I thought it look great.  Check out my married bio for pics.

And giving them a heads up about a church thing is cool, but do spaghetti straps make that much of a difference in their eyes?

brookelynpaisley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-many-rules-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:21af8827-314b-4e55-a965-44603c41133cPost:e981e5bd-d1bb-4433-b8ed-533465eee476">Re: XP: How many "rules" make you a bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]And giving them a heads up about a church thing is cool, but do spaghetti straps make that much of a difference in their eyes?
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Agreed. If the church is really that conservative, you'll probably want to be prepared to shop for wraps or shrugs.

sucrets4

Aw, brooke, I love the new pic!

mags0607

I think those are all fine criteria.

My BMs can't wear strapless ( Catholic church rules) but somehow spaghetti straps are fine by the church. Not sure why, but I'm going with the flow.

FWIW, I am top heavy, and strapless and I don't mix well at all. Even properly fitted, even with well fitting undergarments, running around all day still makes them a tad uncomfortable.

cukimerrydoll

Sounds good to me.  But if you're okay with spagetti straps, don't rule out strapless completely.  Most strapless dresses can have spagetti straps added.

Since you're basically letting them pick what they like, there isn't really a way to be "bridezilla" about it (unless the color was intended to make them look bad, which sounds like the opposite of what you're doing).

You have fewer restrictions than I did.  Mine picks were floor length, grape color, Alfred Angelo, satin.  So they had enough wiggle room to be happy - and they all love the color/can hem it up after the wedding if they want.
My sister/MOH offered to do all their alterations free of charge since she's a costume designer/tailor.

carrieoz_76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-many-rules-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21af8827-314b-4e55-a965-44603c41133cPost:7249c2e1-0ab8-4c2f-b79e-97c297e98611">Re: XP: How many "rules" make you a bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Considering that it's mostly still the norm for all bridesmaids to wear the same dress, I don't think that's bridezilla at all. I know at least on this board we're all leaning towards letting them pick out their own dresses (which I did, but have never seen it at another wedding in real life), but I really don't think giving specifications on a style is a big deal. It's still your wedding and they're still a bridal party.
Posted by tlv204[/QUOTE]
Yup.  My BMs were shocked that they don't all have to wear the same dress, and that I wouldn't be picking it out for them.  So, I think your rules are fine.  The only thing I'd say is that if you have a BM who just can't live without strapless, you may reconsider that rule.  But that's your call.

goheels05

I think it's fine, even the no-strapless part.  You can just look at bios and tell that grown women can't be counted on to have alterations and proper undergarments to make sure their dress fits right, and I'm not just talking about bridesmaids. 

janedoe1113a

I agree that I think your rules are fine, even the no strapless one. 

My FSIL wore a strapless gown at her own wedding and didn't get it fitted and it gaped all night.  There is no way she would have gotten a BM gown for my wedding fitted.  So, you can expect all grown women to get things fitted.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-many-rules-bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:21af8827-314b-4e55-a965-44603c41133cPost:aa67c477-bc69-4552-a295-bc76cb082c21">Re: XP: How many "rules" make you a bridezilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Spaghetti straps are fine by me, and many of the dresses my sister and I have looked at online (the strapless styles) can add straps.
Posted by sweetpea0911[/QUOTE]

I was going to suggest that. My BMs are going with a strapless dress and I think 2 of the 3 will add spaghetti straps. The other one does NOT want the straps. Fine by me.

phoeny_moonstar

Doesn't sound bridezilla to me.

Pooh-N-Babby

Your wedding you way...you seem pretty reasonable to me. I too am picking out the colors but my girls can pick out the dress style. I have no rule regarding the dress style except that its sexy.Hee.