Rehearsal Dinner Invites

jmkaiser

Who usually comes to the rehearsal dinner? I would rather have ours be with WP only and immediate family but I think FMIL has other plans. Since she's paying for it I know I don't have much of a say. What she doesn't understand is that I have some issues with my dad's side of the family so I don't want my grandma coming to the Rd. I've told her this once but she is still asking for the addresses. FIs side also has a lot of people coming from out of town so I'm not sure how to handle it.

J&K10910

So you don't have a problem with grandma coming to the wedding, but you DO have a problem with grandma coming to the RD?  Honestly that doesn't make much sense to me.  I think if you can put up with her for the day of the wedding, you can deal with her for a shorter time at the RD.

If you really want it to be WP only, your only option really is to pay for it yoruselves.  You can try having your FI talk to FMIL and say "Well, we'd rather do it this way (if that's what your FI wants too)" but it may not work. 

I just think if you have a ton of your FI's OOT family, and you don't invite your grandma, it's going to make things even worse.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Well, if she's hosting she can invite who she likes. The people who must be invited:

members of the wedding party
immediate family (siblings and parents not in the actual wedding party)
anyone else participating in the rehearsal, such as readers
the dates of those above

Many people also include grandparents and some invite out of town guests, but those aren't completely necessary, etiquette-wise.

firsttimersluck

If she is paying, she kinda gets the final say. Sorry, just the way it goes. We are paying for our RD so for us:

1. Immediate family.
2. wedding party +Significan Others
3. offiant (Fi's best friend).
4. wedding planner (my aunt )

We're keeping it small, but I understand inviting the grandparents or out of town guests that are coming in just for the wedding. We would invite the grandparents, but I know they both live out of town and will just be driving up for the day of. It's nice to do a brunch of day after or before the wedding with the out of town guests if they arent invited to the RD.
However if your MIL is planning, and its YOUR specific side of the family that you don't want there, just sit her down and tell her that you sooo appreciate her taking care of the RD for you and you will give her all the names/addresses of the people on your side ofthe family that you know will want to and will be able to come.