Need Some guidence

SaraMidds

After weeks of discussion with my FI bout his guest list, my FI stated he did it. I just need it so that i could get a approx count for the wedding and reception....Well recently he told me that he didn't have one (im pissed now).FI goes to say that everyone that he would invite to the wedding would be in the wedding party......so there is really no one that he wants to invite.......so with that being said I thought about it and most of my guest list was my small family(cousins,aunts and church members) we really don't hang with alot of people. My best friend is the MOH and my daughters are BM , then there my mom and my brother lives in another state......i doubt that he would come(he broke...lol)My FI has two teenage children and they would be in the wedding and his closest buddies would be BM and GM his mom and step dad and his sister would be in the wedding.......So we discussed having a small private ceremony with just those people then having the reception after the ceremony (same day)......I'm lost at how do you invite guest to the reception?

MoonlightSilver

I guess I'm confused- why do you want to have a reception with more people, if you created a guest list and it's only close family and friends? Why not just invite only those people to both the ceremony and reception?

SaraMidds

priviate cermony large reception

SaraMidds

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-some-guidence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:22de1cb1-7dbf-445c-ae34-a06914af613cPost:7912bd8d-0a01-43a9-8bd2-4f2dbd914f0a">Re: Need Some guidence</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm confused- why do you want to have a reception with more people, if you created a guest list and it's only close family and friends? Why not just invite only those people to both the ceremony and reception?
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]
 priviate ceremony large reception, FI fear is that he doesnt want to slight anyone by inviting some people to the wedding but not inviting others. but they will be more than welcomed to the reception.so to save face we want to keep it small and priviate for the ceremony

SaraMidds

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-some-guidence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:22de1cb1-7dbf-445c-ae34-a06914af613cPost:7912bd8d-0a01-43a9-8bd2-4f2dbd914f0a">Re: Need Some guidence</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm confused- why do you want to have a reception with more people, if you created a guest list and it's only close family and friends? Why not just invite only those people to both the ceremony and reception?
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]
 priviate ceremony large reception, FI fear is that he doesnt want to slight anyone by inviting some people to the wedding but not inviting others. but they will be more than welcomed to the reception.so to save face we want to keep it small and priviate for the ceremony

s-aries8990

Ditto Sparkly, I'm very confused.

So it seems almost like you want your ceremony to be only like the 10-15 people in the WP and parents for your ceremony and then you want to invite another 10-15 to the reception (20-30 total)? That's how I'm reading this, is that correct?

In a "traditional" average American wedding, there are many more guests (100+) and in those instances a truly very private ceremony ( />10) with a larger reception is acceptable. When there is over 25% of the guest list invited to the wedding (25 -30 guests from a 100 person reception) it gets to seem like a tiered reception, and those are VERY bad. It's sending the message to the reception-only guests that they aren't important enough to see you say your vows, but they are special enough to give you a gift (even though gifts aren't necessary, they ARE cusomary).

You situation seems like only half will be invited to the ceremony and the rest to the reception - that is a tirered reception. I suggest that you either invite them all to the ceremony or not invite them at all. If FI doens't have anyone else he wasn't to invite, enjoy the money you'll be saving!

SaraMidds

ok let me try and clear this up his guest list is the wedding party according to him,but he has people that he would invite to the wedding, but he fears that if he invites one person and not another person that he may be slighting someone. As I told him you can invite them,that doesnt mean that they will come to the ceremony,but they may come to the reception or vise versa

PrettyGirlLost

If you don't want to slight anyone, then invite everyone who is important to both of you to the ceremony AND the reception.

nda8414

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-some-guidence?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:22de1cb1-7dbf-445c-ae34-a06914af613cPost:90c2abbc-f58b-4170-9968-8ed9a1ac28af">Re:Need Some guidence</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't want to slight anyone, then invite everyone who is important to both of you to the ceremony AND the reception.
Posted by cmsciulli[/QUOTE]

Ditto.  I'm confused.

Loopyseven

I am confused too.  Why not just invite everyone to the ceremony and reception?  Private ceremonies only work if they are a very small percentage of the total guest list invited only to the ceremony.. like less than 10% small percentage.  So if you have 100 people to invite to the reception, less than 10 should be at the ceremony.