Wedding Etiquette Forum

Reception sign-up sheet!?

Okay, so I am in the process of getting my guest list so I can work on my invitations. So far with the fiances family and my family, and friends, we have about 146 people, and that is with some people who we had already cut! We both have fairly large families. The Fiance and I have talked and can budget somewhere around 200 people max. 

Anyways, I have close ties with the church I have been attending for about six years now. Personally, I think it would be rude to not open up the wedding and reception to the church. There are probably 80-100 people I think will come from my church, I know definitely to the wedding, but I am not sure how many will come to the reception. I know that since I am having it in the nearby room (in the church fellowship hall) that more than likely 90% will come to the reception. 

I am on a tight budget and I cant pay for 240 people's food, table decoratons, silverware, plates, favors, etc (we are serving hor dourves, finger foods, cake, and a candy bar).

A girl at my church was married two years ago and had made a signup sheet for people at the church who wanted to come to the wedding, and had them state if they were interested in coming to the reception. Thus, by doing this I could get a better idea on who all would be coming. I would know how many invitations to get. And If I know a more accurate number, and if its more than the 200, I know I will have to cut back on other wedding expenses to accommodate the church family since it is important to me that they come. (I want tthem at the ceremony, but I want as less as I can get at the reception!)

But my question is,  is it rude, or unproper etiquette, or have church members sign up if they want an invitation? Do I make the sign up sheet just for reception, or for both ceremony and reception?

Re: Reception sign-up sheet!?

  • gah don't do this!  What if everyone signs up?

    Since a church is a public place, anyone is welcome to go to your ceremony.  Most churches will put a  notice in the bulletin or something saying so and so are getting married.  If there are specific people you are closer to and want to attend the reception, mail them an invitation.

    An invitation = an invite to ceremony and reception.
  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    edited June 2012
    Yes, that sounds like a terrible idea.  It is perfectly acceptable to invite church members to the ceremony, like through the church bulletin or however your church does announcements, but not send a formal invitation.  I think this route is a much better way to go.

    Edit: I've seen it in my church bulletin as "Jane Doe and John Smith will marry on June 25 at 2 p.m. in the Sanctuary.  Sometimes they throw in "All members of the church family are welcome" or something like that, but I don't think that's needed.
  • How well was it received when she did it?  This might be something that etiquette would normally frown upon, but might be okay as long as it's socially acceptable at your church.  Keep in mind, if you do this too far in advance, it will be hard to get a good idea of numbers.  I might say that I have every intention to go to someone's wedding 8 months out, but I might not really know for sure until one month out. 
    image
  • Are you really prepared to allow as many who want to come?  Once you invite them (which if you're having a sign-up sheet might as well actually invite everyone, in my opinion) you can't really take it back.  If you think that the 90% would attend, but can't afford for 240 guests, it sounds like you're setting yourself up for a problem with that plan.  I think you should decide with your fiance whether you want to invite everyone at the church or not before you mention it to them.
  • Okay, thanks! So, how would I make it clear that the reception is invitation only? That seems fairly rude to me if I invite everyone to the ceremony but not the reception? Is there a particular way this should be done that I am missing? Thanks! Its nice to have unbiased adivce!!!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-sign-up-sheet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2350acf4-fecd-4cd4-a720-07f0f3fe6f32Post:7ce40938-121e-48ea-ba89-895ba291703b">Re: Reception sign-up sheet!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>How well was it received when she did it?</strong>  This might be something that etiquette would normally frown upon, but might be okay as long as it's socially acceptable at your church.  Keep in mind, if you do this too far in advance, it will be hard to get a good idea of numbers.  I might say that I have every intention to go to someone's wedding 8 months out, but I might not really know for sure until one month out. 
    Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

    <div>It went really well! Which is why I considered it. However, there is a huge difference: she had no budget! She had invited over 500 people, and boy did most of them show up! So, I suppose that since guests werent a huge issue for her, then a sign up sheet is something to consider for her... but since the guest list is an issue for me then I suppose this sign up sheet is a bad idea? </div>
  • There is a difference between being invited and coming to the ceremony because it is in a public place.

    If your church has a bulletin can you have the ceremony listed in the bulletin "Saturday July 7, 2012 Mfowler and Mr Mfowler to be wed at 11am"

    then send actual invitations to guests whom you wish to invite to both ceremony and reception.

    If someone sees it in the bulletin and wants to attend the ceremony they can...and since they didn't receive and invite they should know to go home after the ceremony
  • Ohhh okay, thats makes sense. I did not realize that. I am not familiar with wedding etiquette, which is why I came here =) I would just hate for people to wander on over and not have enough food and seating! What do you think the chances are of that happening? 

    Also, so let me get this straight. I dont have to send a formal invitation to church members? Just only those who I want to invite to ceremony and reception? Wow, this is such a refief. I had no idea this was acceptable! I feel a burden lifted off my shoulders now!
  • Are you worried that the church members will see the announcement in the bulletin, and think that they can attend both the ceremony and reception?  If that is something that normally happens at your church, then I'd think you'd need a way to let them know you can't accomodate that, but I don't think you can do that politely.  You know your church crowd better than we do.  Logical minds would know that you don't just show up at the reception uninvited, but we hear so many stories of guests inviting themselves to things on here...

  • It's really important to me to invite my entire parish to the wedding. A parish directory was made up a few years ago, so I have most people's addresses. Everyone's getting an invitation. I will have to put out a clipboard to verify addresses and get newcomers'. But if I or the clergy can track down a mailing address, everyone gets an invitation. I might bring a few extras in, too, in case we missed someone.

    I toyed with having a "ceremony only" box on my RSVP cards. I imagine lots of members will happily attend the ceremony, but aren't really interested in the reception. I wanted to give them an easy way to express this, but I couldn't come up with a way theknot would approve. So I know once invitations go out, I'll be fielding "Can I just come to the ceremony?" and "I'm not sure about driving home after dark" inquiries.

    More notes: People interpret my invite-the-whole-parish plan differently, The Priest thought it was gift-grabby. My fiance is surprised I'm choosing church friends over school friends. For me, I consider my parish second family, and couldn't pick and choose among members. Anyone who doesn't want to come can just decline. Because our services are beautiful, and because most members are elderly, I can see lots of people skipping our evening reception. But the church also has events in the evening, so it wasn't a sufficient factor to plan the day around.

    TLDR: The proper way to invite a whole church is to send everyone an invitation. You can put out a sign-up sheet to gather everyone's addresses to send an invitation. Some may misinterpret why you're inviting everyone.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-sign-up-sheet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2350acf4-fecd-4cd4-a720-07f0f3fe6f32Post:9a74d1c2-2bb5-4b02-b4f7-0b5160c7e97c">Re: Reception sign-up sheet!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]ITLDR: The proper way to invite a whole church is to send everyone an invitation. You can put out a sign-up sheet to gather everyone's addresses to send an invitation. Some may misinterpret why you're inviting everyone.
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

    <div>I cant send everyone an invitation. There are like over 500 members in my church. But I there is the usual crowd that comes to these things and its like 80-100, as I mentioned earlier. But that brings me back to my original question, if I have a sign up sheet for addresses, too many people may sign up.</div>
  • Sign-up sheets are common where I work, so I guess you could say that they are acceptable "in my circle."   But we are a very close-knit crowd, and the couple has been able to host anyone who wanted to sign up (as well as their SO).

    Unless you WANT (and can afford) to have everyone from your church attend your wedding and reception, I would skip the sign-up sheet.  Otherwise, just announce the ceremon in the bulletin, and send actual invitations to the people who you are closest to.
    DSC_9275
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-sign-up-sheet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2350acf4-fecd-4cd4-a720-07f0f3fe6f32Post:ef809aed-dd59-4e88-9d3c-57e5561fdb0f">Re: Reception sign-up sheet!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sign-up sheets are common where I work, so I guess you could say that they are acceptable "in my circle."   But we are a very close-knit crowd, and the couple has been able to host anyone who wanted to sign up (as well as their SO). Unless you WANT (and can afford) to have everyone from your church attend your wedding and reception, I would skip the sign-up sheet.  Otherwise, just announce the ceremon in the bulletin, and send actual invitations to the people who you are closest to.
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks Avion, I think this seems the best option! Thanks everyone so much for your advice!</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-sign-up-sheet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2350acf4-fecd-4cd4-a720-07f0f3fe6f32Post:9a74d1c2-2bb5-4b02-b4f7-0b5160c7e97c">Re: Reception sign-up sheet!?</a>:
    [QUOTE] TLDR: The proper way to invite a whole church is to send everyone an invitation. You can put out a sign-up sheet to gather everyone's addresses to send an invitation. Some may misinterpret why you're inviting everyone.
    Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

    Only if you are inviting them to the ceremony AND reception.  Sending a formal invitation to only the ceremony is very rude.  She doesn't want the entire church body at her reception and can't afford it. 

    OP - Put it in the bulletin, have the person who does morning announcements say something like "the wedding of so and so will take place in the chapel at 2 on Saturday.  Everyone who would like to witness them exchange their vows is welcome at the ceremony".  Or something like that to make it clear it's ceremony only, but you'd love to have everyone come.

    This is really common at my church, but seriously, not that many show up for just a ceremony. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • You say it is important for you to have the church members come to your ceremony, but not necessarily to the reception?  You need to figure out how to host all your guests that will be attending your ceremony.  If that means you have to cut back in other areas, then do so.  Decorations for the ceremony can be minimal, as well as table decor for the reception. 

    Since you are having your reception at the church fellowship hall, and you have been a member of this church for many years now, it would be rude not to extend an invite to all the church members, IMO.   An invite in the church bulletin should suffice.  No need to ask who will be attending and who will not by a sign-up sheet. 
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_reception-sign-up-sheet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2350acf4-fecd-4cd4-a720-07f0f3fe6f32Post:9de22984-2a33-4b36-ae48-502d95d28c0b">Re: Reception sign-up sheet!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You say it is important for you to have the church members come to your ceremony, but not necessarily to the reception?  You need to figure out how to host all your guests that will be attending your ceremony.  If that means you have to cut back in other areas, then do so.  Decorations for the ceremony can be minimal, as well as table decor for the reception.  Since you are having your reception at the church fellowship hall, and you have been a member of this church for many years now, it would be rude not to extend an invite to all the church members, IMO.   An invite in the church bulletin should suffice.  No need to ask who will be attending and who will not by a sign-up sheet. 
    Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

    I disagree completely.

    It is very, very common for church members to come to the ceremony without a specific invitation, as the church is a public place.

    OP, I like Habs' wording suggestion for what to post in the bulletin.

    Can you do table assignments with escort cards at the reception?  That way if people who weren't specifically invited decide to wander over, it will be clear that your reception isn't open.
  • I understand your idea behind the sign-up sheet, but I just don't think it will work out the way you want it to.  It leaves way too much room for error and will very likely put you over budget.  So I agree with PPs to just post it on your bulletin board and try to word it in a way that makes it clear that anyone is welcome at the ceremony only.  Also, try to spread it by word of mouth through your parish, that usually tends to be the best way to get info like that around as well.

    However, if your reception is on site as well, I still think it's likely that you may have a few bold people that will wander over to your reception as well.  I think doing escort cards would be a good first indication that the reception is not an open event, but I'd still try to plan for maybe a 10 - 20% overage for food and seating just in case (especially if you only invite 140 and you can budget for 200).
    Anniversary
  • What exactly are escort cards? Are these cards at the door to direct people to their assigned table?
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards