Wedding Etiquette Forum

REALLY early wedding present. I'm sad (not what you think).

So, my grandparents surprised us with our wedding present at Christmastime. That was a big, wonderful surprise. They got it off our registry and everything. Then, they proceed to explain why they gave it to us so early. My grandmother's recently had a stroke, and is never going to fully recover (she's coherent and lucid, just physically weaker and it's harder for her to recall certain words). My grandfather is possibly the most resilliant man in the world, he's in his late '80's and has had cancer 4 times, and has gone into remission each time. Not to mention he has asbestosis and still works as a guard for the holding cells at the police station. Recently, they found a melanoma on his head (he's bald), and radiated it. They got rid of it, but the scar tissue from his radiation is compressing on his brain and causing him to have equilibrium problems and he's had a few petit mal seizures as well. So, they're both...okay, but they're never really going to be a hundred percent again. My grandmother told me when she gave us the gift that she wanted to make sure we got it, because they might be gone by our wedding. I didn't know what to say. I still don't. Ugh.

Re: REALLY early wedding present. I'm sad (not what you think).

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. 
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  • I'm terribly sorry about your grandparents' failing health.  

    Send them a long, lovely thank you note and enjoy your gift.  I assume that they expect you'll enjoy your gift now rather than later given the circumstances. 

    And treasure each moment with them. They're all so precious. 
  • I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can't imagine how you must feel. Thoughts and prayers coming your way.
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  • I'm so sorry!  What a completely selfless gesture, I am at a loss for words.  Enjoy the time you can with them, I lost the two grandparents I knew within the past three years, and I miss them so.  Cherish the time, you'll remember it forever! 
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  • edited January 2012
    I'm so sorry you are going through this.... I'm sure they know how much you appreciate them and everything....thoughts and prayers to you and your family
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  • I'm sorry you're going through this. I ditto NOLA on sending them a long, heartfelt thank you and spending as much time with them as you can.

    FWIW, my grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in March 2010. She was given 6 months to live and wasn't sure if she would survive for my wedding in August 2010.  In July 2010, she went in for a checkup after chemo and the doctor announced that she was in remission.  She is still alive, in remission, and even working as an accountant still at age 77.  
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-early-wedding-present-im-sad-not-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2393538b-7857-4a0d-b544-6676ecfa7cbcPost:d71a9d31-91b9-46f1-8242-14f3992d69c8">Re: REALLY early wedding present. I'm sad (not what you think).</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry you're going through this. I ditto NOLA on sending them a long, heartfelt thank you and spending as much time with them as you can. FWIW, my grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in March 2010. She was given 6 months to live and wasn't sure if she would survive for my wedding in August 2010.  In July 2010, she went in for a checkup after chemo and the doctor announced that she was in remission.  She is still alive, in remission, and even working as an accountant still at age 77.  
    Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

    I want to give you the biggest hug right now. Good for her!
  • Ditto PP.

    Also, my aunt was given 6 months to live and she stayed strong for another 7 years.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-early-wedding-present-im-sad-not-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2393538b-7857-4a0d-b544-6676ecfa7cbcPost:19a33272-4fc2-4d9c-8d96-9c9ec8284633">REALLY early wedding present. I'm sad (not what you think).</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, my grandparents surprised us with our wedding present at Christmastime. That was a big, wonderful surprise. They got it off our registry and everything. Then, they proceed to explain why they gave it to us so early. My grandmother's recently had a stroke, and is never going to fully recover (she's coherent and lucid, just physically weaker and it's harder for her to recall certain words). My grandfather is possibly the most resilliant man in the world, he's in his late '80's and has had cancer 4 times, and has gone into remission each time. Not to mention he has asbestosis and still works as a guard for the holding cells at the police station. Recently, they found a melanoma on his head (he's bald), and radiated it. They got rid of it, but the scar tissue from his radiation is compressing on his brain and causing him to have equilibrium problems and he's had a few petit mal seizures as well. So, they're both...okay, but they're never really going to be a hundred percent again. My grandmother told me when she gave us the gift that she wanted to make sure we got it, because they might be gone by our wedding. I didn't know what to say. I still don't. Ugh.
    Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

    <div>So sorry to hear you're going through this.  I'm literally tearing up right now.  I recently lost my grandfather, a week before my birthday.  My grandmother passed away 13 years ago this past summer. Cherish every moment you have left with your grandparents. What I wouldn't give to have them both at my upcoming wedding. Prayers and positive vibes to you and your family.</div>
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  • *(*(hugs you*)*)*
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  • What a lovely gesture!  You have some wonderful g'parents.  Is the gift something you can pass down to your children and g'children someday?

    My FIL is 80 and his health would make you jealous.  No medications, he takes care of himself and he has always had the work ethic of a horse.  Mentally we can see a slip here and there but he is in really good health. Everyone once in awhile he will say something about "if I'm still here in 10 years" and it catches us all off guard because you just think he will be around forever.  I notice a lot of older people have a pretty realistic view on their mortaility.
  • I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It is so sweet that they gave you your wedding present early.  A very dear friend of my family who is in her 90s gave us our wedding present early, too.  She made us a beautiful blanket.
  • I'm so sorry to hear that, it is very hard. 

    Hopefully this worrying will be for naught and the'll be there in mind and body for you wedding.  (My grandfather was given 6 months to live when I was 2.  He lived 18 more years)
  • I'm so sorry. ((HUGS)) and thoughts. 
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  • I'm so sorry, I agree with Nola. Lots of hugs and prayers headed your way.
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  • My grandfather did the same thing. He is 92 and his health goes up & down. But, he's all there mentally. He gave me his wedding present a few weeks ago for the same reason. I thanked him profusely and am writing a thank you now (I need help from my mom to translate it into Spanish properly, or else it wouldn't take me so long). Like the other PP have said, be very grateful that they are here now to share this time with you. That's all you can do.
  • I'm so sorry. Spend as much time with them as you can
  • lilpandalilpanda member
    10 Comments
    edited January 2012
    I am sorry you are going through this, I know that it is very hard to go through let alone find the right words to say anything. My grandparents talked like this a lot and it was upsetting, but it is also life. All I can say is spend as much time as possible with them, as that is the best you can do and let them know how much you love them! I got a gracious gift from my grandmother the day she passed away, its really hard but I did my best to call her often and visit as much as I could when not in school/working. I lost my grandfather earlier last year - both were ok health wise so it was not an expected thing. I am always thankful for the time I had with them but theres always more I wish I could have done. Take advantage of the time that you have with them and let them know how much they are appreciated, I bet it would mean the world to them if you just showed up to talk or go to lunch.
  • I'm so sorry you (and they!) are going through this. I wouldn't know what to say either, I'd probably write the thank you card and then curl up in a corner and cry.

    I hope they're able to attend your wedding, but regardless, I think it would mean the world to them to feel included.  My grandparents aren't in great health, so I've been calling every week and sending along photos of everything that we're doing. They've seen the dress, the venue options, my thoughts on invitations and everything else we've been doing. They just love being included, I'm sure that would mean everything to yours too.
  • I totally can empathize with you here.  Both FI and I have a grandparent who we aren't sure will be around at wedding time, and we're sure won't make it to the actual wedding.  We are in the process of trying to set up web cams/laptops for them to watch us on...but I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this.
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