How to NOT invite family members?

tjirwinwedding

We're having a destination wedding precisely because we just want our friends and a few family members to come have a vacation with us and be there for our wedding. But now aunts and uncles and cousins that we hardly see are coming out of the woodwork, inviting themselves, wanting to come on vacation with us! I know this is selfish, but I don't want to feel obligated to go do things with these relatives and dread the thought of trying to organize 40 plus people for dinner every night and on expeditions. All I want are about 12 people that actually matter. We haven't sent save the dates yet, so how do I NOT invite these people? I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I don't feel like I ought to be obligated to invite them and add more stress. How do I reply when they get hurt or say snarky things?

OliveOilsMom

Just not send them an invitation.  They will get the hint.  If someone says something to you in person, then just mention you haven't finalized the guest list yet or that you are only have a small immediate family only wedding.

Cortney1982

I wouldn't say anything to them.  If they ask you about it, say it's going to be a small ceremony and leave it at that. 

Why would they want to go on vacation with family they barely know?  Do they think your going to pay their travel expenses?

Maggie0829

If they bring the topic of your wedding and them going to it up, quickly change the subject.  The easiest way to not invite them is to not send an invitation.  If they complain to you or anyone else that is invited, I would nicely tell them that you decided to have an intimate wedding with immediate family and very close friends.  They will eventually get over it.

J&K10910

Just don't send them an invite.

But honestly, don't schedule everyone's time.  If I'm ponying up the cash to go on a DW, I want to be able to spend my free time doing what I want to do, not what the bride and groom want to do.

So if your main concern is organizing activities for all the people, then it's really nothing to be concerned about, and go ahead and invite them.

sweetcanadian1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-invite-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:23dff63c-3ffc-4d6a-9829-7836aacb0504Post:9f4b063f-b0d3-48ab-8538-c79a2448aece">Re: How to NOT invite family members?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just don't send them an invite. <strong>But honestly, don't schedule everyone's time.  If I'm ponying up the cash to go on a DW, I want to be able to spend my free time doing what I want to do, not what the bride and groom want to do.</strong> So if your main concern is organizing activities for all the people, then it's really nothing to be concerned about, and go ahead and invite them.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>This, no one would want or expect you to plan all their time, i don't see what the big deal is, if they want to shell out money & go on vacation where you happen to be getting married then why not? Your choice of course, don't invite them is a good way of not having them there. </div>

maryparrish

I would say not send them an invite, but by the sound if it, they think they are invited anyway.

I say, tell them personally that it is a small wedding and that you just want the few people you have already invited. Telling them that it's not just them that you aren't inviting will be helpful.