I think I jumped the gun....

gretchenlovestim

So my fiancee and I are newly engaged and I got so excited (since I've been waiting only seven years) and started planning.  Mind you, our date isn't even set (but close) and I took it upon myself to send out a message via FB (the devil) asking for addresses since I don't have any.  Unfortunately, I tallied my number and realized I'm at about 220 people (family and all-start to finish) when the place we're looking at can only do a seated dinner of 160. 

What's the average acceptance rate/show rate % of invitees? Also, I've already broken my list down into three categories and those in the last section, I'm realizing that it's not the end of the world if I take back my little mess up and don't invite them afterall. 

Sorry if I sound incoherent, I am realizing how big of an error I've possibly made.  Oh, and is it acceptable to say no kids of some families, but not others?

Stackeye210

Prepare for 100% attendance, you can't predict the decline rate. 

Yes, you can include some kids but not others, but keep it consistant.  Like only family kids, not friends kids.  Or only immediate family kids.  Or only kids above age 10.  blahlbhalbah.  You have to draw a line and stick to it otherwise it'll just reflect poorly on you

Katelyn89

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-think-i-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2409facb-c0d9-46ea-9ae6-9f563695dc16Post:3e680702-dc1e-47be-827b-7545a3d54714">Re: I think I jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]No matter what you end up doing, always prepare and budget for 100% attendance.
Posted by Beaniebeach[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I thought we'd have a lot more people RSVP "no" at this point, but so far the only "no's" we have are people who I gave a +1 to that aren't bringing a guest.</div>

chelseamb11

If you ended up asking for too many addresses/invite too many, you need to find a bigger venue.  Be prepared for 100% acceptance.  It can happen.

littlestbee

If a place only holds 160, you will unfortunatly have to skim your list. As far as the kid thing, if you only plan on allowing kids that are directly related to you son daughter niece nephew, I think people will understand. But if you mean allowing some relatives to bring kids but not others or some friends and not others... Be prepared for pissed off guests. People always go for he whole " well how come she can and I cant????" routine. And as far as the extra ppl, my husvand and I had a bunch of coworkers we worked together for 6 yrs that we wanted to invite, but that created a guest list nightmare. So we kept tge recptions small, family, close friends only. And threw an afterparty for everyone else. Casual type thing, at a pool club. Everyone had a great time, and no one felt left out. Good luck

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-think-i-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2409facb-c0d9-46ea-9ae6-9f563695dc16Post:b0276ae2-719b-4ca8-b357-f49a5dc6e072">I think I jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiancee and I are newly engaged and I got so excited (since I've been waiting only seven years) and started planning.  Mind you, our date isn't even set (but close) and I took it upon myself to send out a message via FB (the devil) asking for addresses since I don't have any.  Unfortunately, I tallied my number and realized I'm at about 220 people (family and all-start to finish) when the place we're looking at can only do a seated dinner of 160.  What's the average acceptance rate/show rate % of invitees? Also, I've already broken my list down into three categories and those in the last section, I'm realizing that it's not the end of the world if I take back my little mess up and don't invite them afterall.  Sorry if I sound incoherent, I am realizing how big of an error I've possibly made.  Oh, and is it acceptable to say no kids of some families, but not others?
Posted by gretchenlovestim[/QUOTE]
You should always prepare for 100%. Sometimes brides even experience mroe than that, like when guests bring dates the bride didn't know about or kids who weren't invited.

It's fine to say no kids to some familes and not to others, but prepare for a possible backlash.

Worse comes to worse, you might need to find a place that can hold more people...

gretchenlovestim

I haven't actually invited yet. I just asked for addresses.  Unfortunately, I'm sure all of them understood why.

If we don't end up inviting all of them, should I wait to see if any of them ask about it and respond accordingly? I've got about 6 months before we actually invite.

Maggie0829

You can only skim your list if in the FB message you didn't mention that the reason why you need the addresses is because of your upcoming wedding.  If you did say that is why you need the addresses then I suggest you look for a larger venue.

Asking for an address for your wedding invites or STDs is basically the same thing as inviting them.  Taking back those invites now is rude.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-think-i-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2409facb-c0d9-46ea-9ae6-9f563695dc16Post:ca5c2145-544e-4e8d-a062-ef7de5f62c5b">Re: I think I jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't actually invited yet. I just asked for addresses.  Unfortunately, I'm sure all of them understood why. If we don't end up inviting all of them, should I wait to see if any of them ask about it and respond accordingly? I've got about 6 months before we actually invite.
Posted by gretchenlovestim[/QUOTE]

They probably won't ask, because that would be rude, but I'm certain they'll be disappointed and they'll likely think less of you for it. If there's anyway you can host everyone -- like a different venue -- I think that's definitely the best idea.

wadingmoose

I think before you panic and communicate anything else, you should take a minute and plan your budget.  You may find that even the 160 seat venue is too much money.

You may also be able to find a larger venue that you also like.  Have you even set a wedding date yet?  The venue may not be available on the date you choose.  So much could happen.  Just calm down and let things settle out before you go rushing about telling people yes or no.

Budget.  Pick a date.  Book venues.  Build guest list.  Or build the guest list and then pick a venue that holds said guest list.

Then communicate again.

Ballet513

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-think-i-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2409facb-c0d9-46ea-9ae6-9f563695dc16Post:ff384169-8ba2-457e-a355-f337d7617220">Re: I think I jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I think I jumped the gun.... : This. I thought we'd have a lot more people RSVP "no" at this point, but so far the only "no's" we have are people who I gave a +1 to that aren't bringing a guest.
Posted by Katelyn89[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Definitely prepare for 100%. I am in the same boat as above, we invited 232 and realistically expected 175. It appears we underestimated. Luckily we have plenty of space and have money in our budget for each and every one of those 232 people but it could happen- they may all show up!!

</div>

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-think-i-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2409facb-c0d9-46ea-9ae6-9f563695dc16Post:ca5c2145-544e-4e8d-a062-ef7de5f62c5b">Re: I think I jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't actually invited yet. I<strong> just asked for addresses.  Unfortunately, I'm sure all of them understood why</strong>. If we don't end up inviting all of them, should I wait to see if any of them ask about it and respond accordingly? I've got about 6 months before we actually invite.
Posted by gretchenlovestim[/QUOTE]

Did you say anything like "Now that we're engaged we need addresses?" or did your message not mention the engagement or a wedding at all?  If you didn't mention the wedding <strong>at all</strong> I think you're in the clear.  If you did mention it I'd do whatever you can to include them because you've already directly implied that they will be invited. 

If you do decide to cut the list don't bring it up.  If they ask you can let them know that you're keeping it to family.

You could always send something like an invitation to a 4th of July bbq, or a 'thinking of you' card or something which would imply that's why you asked for the address

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-think-i-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2409facb-c0d9-46ea-9ae6-9f563695dc16Post:a0912bd9-8f03-4e08-9a57-fc685202e882">Re: I think I jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I think I jumped the gun.... : They probably won't ask, because that would be rude, but I'm certain they'll be disappointed and they'll likely think less of you for it. If there's anyway you can host everyone -- like a different venue -- I think that's definitely the best idea.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Also, add everyone to your Christmas (or insert holiday here) card list and make sure you send them a card.  That way they might give you the benefit of the doubt and be all, "ooooooh, she was just compiling a Christmas card list..."

Maybe?

Summer2011Bride

If in your FB message you mentioned our wedding or engagement when you asked for addresses, I think you're stuck inviting them all. if I was asked for my address for a wedding invitation/STD, I would definitely think I was getting invited. Find a bigger venue and plan for 100% attendance. I know you're excited to be engaged, but I would hold off on further communication about your wedding with friends/family until a date and venue are set in stone.

Mirahbelle4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-think-i-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2409facb-c0d9-46ea-9ae6-9f563695dc16Post:9ffb23d7-bb3c-4d7a-bbe4-0d0bfc7def1b">Re: I think I jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]If in your FB message you mentioned our wedding or engagement when you asked for addresses, I think you're stuck inviting them all. if I was asked for my address for a wedding invitation/STD, I would definitely think I was getting invited. Find a bigger venue and plan for 100% attendance. I know you're excited to be engaged, but I would hold off on further communication about your wedding with friends/family until a date and venue are set in stone.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]


I agree with PP that you need to invite everyone if the wedding was even hinted at when asking for addresses. And yes, absulutely plan for 100% attendance. We invited 78. 76 are coming. I'm so glad that we were prepared for that number.

ChristineNB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-think-i-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2409facb-c0d9-46ea-9ae6-9f563695dc16Post:40bec726-052e-4d59-9fb0-49ecf70dcda1">Re: I think I jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I think I jumped the gun.... : Also, add everyone to your Christmas (or insert holiday here) card list and make sure you send them a card.  That way they might give you the benefit of the doubt and be all, "ooooooh, she was just compiling a Christmas card list..." Maybe?
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]
I think this is a great idea, IF the OP did not refer to wedding invites in her message. 

I echo what others have said about you need to expect 100% attendance.  My fiance and I invited 79, and riht now we are at 70 attending.  Considering most people are traveling at least 4-5 hours I think that is pretty good.

whitsy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-think-i-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2409facb-c0d9-46ea-9ae6-9f563695dc16Post:40bec726-052e-4d59-9fb0-49ecf70dcda1">Re: I think I jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I think I jumped the gun.... : Also, add everyone to your Christmas (or insert holiday here) card list and make sure you send them a card.  That way they might give you the benefit of the doubt and be all, "ooooooh, she was just compiling a Christmas card list..." Maybe?
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm so glad you're back.</div><div>
</div><div>This is exactly what I was going to post, if you didn't mention anything wedding.</div>

Psych819

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-think-i-jumped-the-gun?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2409facb-c0d9-46ea-9ae6-9f563695dc16Post:3e680702-dc1e-47be-827b-7545a3d54714">Re: I think I jumped the gun....</a>:
[QUOTE]No matter what you end up doing, always prepare and budget for 100% attendance.
Posted by Beaniebeach[/QUOTE]

<div>I completely agree.</div>

FutureMrsMDJahnke

I don't know if this would be acceptable, but if you didn't mention the wedding or anything, maybe you could send the cuts announcements? Then they might think that is why you asked. That is probably rude, too though... check out some more venues!

kmmssg

The way to plan a wedding is to set your budget, make your guest list, and THEN find a venue that fits that number of people and your budget.  You figure out how much money you have and how many people you can accomodate.  I don't understand choosing a venue and THEN figuring out how many people you want on the guest list.

If you haven't booked the venue and you did mention the wedding in your request for addresses then you need to back the train up and figure out what you can provide for that many people with the budget you have to work with.  

MeghanKR

I collected way more addresses than invitations we were actually able to send out.  However, I am not that worried about it.  We will be sending wedding announcements to those we were unable to invite, and I love sending out Christmas cards, so all those addresses will be added to our Christmas card list too.